


I May Be Younger, But I'll Look After You

by alotofphandoms



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: A lot of Hurt, A lot of comfort, Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Angst, Babies, Bipolar Disorder, Childhood Friends, Depression, Dirty Talk, Drugs, Even fights a lot of people, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Even, Jealous Even Bech Næsheim, Jealous Isak Valtersen, Jealousy, M/M, Manic Episode, Marriage Proposal, Mild Smut, Movie Reference, Moving In Together, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sexual Content, Sharing a Bed, Smoking, Violence, Warning: Suicide Attempt, showering together
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-02-24 05:31:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 74,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13206999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alotofphandoms/pseuds/alotofphandoms
Summary: "i may be younger, but i'll look after you. we're not in love, but i'll make love to you." - frank oceanIsak’s mom met Even’s mom in high school, then they met Isak’s and Even’s dad’s in college. When Even was born, Isak soon followed, two years later. For as long as they can remember, they’ve been in each other’s lives. Hopefully, they'll stay in each other's lives.





	1. Kissing Shows Afffection

**Author's Note:**

> this chapter is kind of like a prologue and the other chapters will be longer obviously.
> 
> anyway, i hope you like this AU. i've written a TON of chapters so strap yourself in lol
> 
> (also yes the title is from Nikes by my love Frank Ocean)

When he was five, Isak didn’t have much of a filter.

“Even, your hair is weird.” He told the seven-year-old while they were standing in the back of his yard.

“That’s not very nice, Isak.” Even said, jumping up and attempting to climb the tree in front of them.

“Oh.” He hummed. “Well you’re my best friend, I can say whatever I want to you.”

“Well, then I can say that your nose is weird.” The older boy laughs, hoisting himself up onto the tree branch. Isak pouts.

“What are you even doing?” He asked, crossing his little arms. Even looked down, wrapping his arms up on another branch, bringing himself higher.

“What’s it look like? I’m climbing your tree.” He giggled, and so Isak just sat on the ground and stared up as Even climbed and climbed up the old oak tree in his backyard.

Even was always around, whenever Isak was with someone it was always Even. If Even wasn’t at Isak’s house then Isak was at Even’s and that’s how it went. That’s how it always went. Their parents would sit and gossip about their old college friends but Isak would never stay close when he could stare up in wonder at the older boy.

“Why are you taller than me?”

“Because I’m older.”

“Well, that’s not fair.”

“Maybe start eating your vegetables and you’ll get taller.” Even said to him smugly one day, pushing a dandelion behind his ear. Even leaned down and kissed Isak on the cheek. Isak pulled away.

“What are you doing?”

“Kissing your cheek.” Even told him, smiling. Isak squinted at him.

“Why?”

“Because we’re best friends and… and kissing shows your affection. It shows that you care. That’s what my mom told me.” And it sounds so simple when he puts it that. Isak smiles and nods.

“Well okay then,” Isak says and Even kisses him on the cheek again.

Every year they became closer and closer until they almost couldn’t stand to be without each other. Their parents drank wine and talked about how Brad divorced Amy while the boys chased each other around the yard. When Isak got a little older they would tackle each other and wrestle. They played video games for hours and then eventually had movie marathons. They had fun together, and they laughed together. They loved each other.


	2. Nothing Had Changed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak has his first kiss, and Even wants to know what it was like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry there's like two big things that happen in this chapter lol
> 
> also yes, that is a reference to the film Moonlight which if you haven't seen, please leave right now. thank you.
> 
> so now that all the losers have left, let's get to the good stuff!

When Isak turned eight, he was allowed to go to Even’s house even when his parents didn’t meet up. They spent every weekend together, sleeping over at one another’s house. When Isak started middle school he told all his friends about Even, and that he was his cool and older best friend.

“Do we have to watch Romeo + Juliet?” Isak whined.

“Isak! It’s the best movie I’ve ever seen!” Even exclaims, putting the disk in.

“You say that about every movie you show me.” He groaned.

“Shut up, just watch the movie.” Even threw himself on the bed next to Isak, curling his arm around him. “If I say it’s great then it’s great because I’m always right.”

“Whatever.” Isak rolled his eyes but he knew he was right. Even was never wrong.

~~~

When Isak turned twelve, he met Jonas and Elias. Jonas quickly became his friend, but Elias… Elias was different. He was a little taller and a year older. He was mean.

“I made some friends today.” Isak told Even while he watched him play Fifa on his new PlayStation.

“That’s great, Issy.” Even said, with a smile. He knew Isak had a tough time in school. He was a little shorter than everyone else, scrawnier than everyone else, and had shoulder length curly hair and a soft look in his eyes.

“Yeah… I don’t know…” Isak shrugged, making Even pause the game and turn towards him.

“What’s wrong? Aren’t they nice?”

“Jonas is. He showed me how to skateboard… but, Elias…” Isak shook his head, taking a deep breath. “Even… what does gay mean, again?” Even’s eyebrows raised.

“Being gay means you like the same gender as you.” Even said.

“Elias said… Elias said that I’m gay… because I talked about you all day.” Isak looked up at him and Even sighed, shaking his head.

“Isak, he doesn’t know how you feel. Only you know how you feel.” Even told him. “Besides, it’s not a bad thing to be gay, it’s natural. That’s what my teachers told me… And I’m older so I must be right.” Even assured him with a chuckle but Isak doesn’t laugh. Isak just stares at his hands before taking a deep breath.

“How do I know if I’m gay or not?” Isak breathed out.

“I think you just know.” Even said. “And also you like boys instead of girls.” Isak chuckled at that.

“Well, duh.”

“Isak, you’re the best person I know. It doesn’t matter who you like.” The older boy said to him and Isak nodded and they went back to playing Fifa.

~~~

When Even turned fifteen, he was pulled out of school for a week. Isak begged to see him but their parents kept them apart. Isak’s parents brought him into their room and explained to him that Even was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. They explained everything, never wanting to sugar coat anything for him. Isak was more determined than ever to see Even.

“I need to be there for him.” Isak pleads but his mom pulls him back down to sit.

“Issy, he’s depressed. You know what that means, we just explained it… Baby, he’s your best friend but he needs to be alone. He wants to be alone.”

“No, he’s just too sad to say anything different.” Isak insisted but neither of his parents let him visit him. Another week passes and Even was still not going to school. On the Friday before that third week, Isak didn’t walk home. He missed his tram stop and went one more, walking the short distance to Even’s house.

“Isak? We weren’t expecting you…” Even’s mom, Olivia said when she opened the door.

“I need to see Even. I think he needs me because I read online that people need support when they’re depressed and I’m Even’s best friend.” Isak announces, firmly, not planning on backing down. Olivia nods with a small smile on her face.

“He’s sleeping right now… but you can go in. Maybe you can get him to eat something.” She suggests, letting Isak in. He lets out a sigh of relief once he’s inside. Olivia gives him a pack of crackers and a glass of water. Isak remembers reading that he should let Even make his own choices and not make him feel like he needs to do anything while he’s like this.

Carefully, Isak opens the door and the whole room feels different. It’s colder and dark. There’s a boy-shaped lump on the right side of the bed. Isak enters slowly, setting the water and crackers on the bedside table before climbing into the covers. Even moves slightly and Isak watches closely as his eyes fall on Isak. His eyes are different, they’re duller and glossed over but they seem to clear when Even realizes who he’s looking at.

“Hi.” Isak whispers, getting comfortable. Even lays there, staring at him. After a few long minutes Even opens his mouth.

“What are you doing here?” His voice is hoarse and he sounds sleepy, even though Isak’s sure he’s been sleeping this whole time.

“I wanted to see you.” Isak tells him and Even looks away, staring up at the ceiling.

“I’m sorry I’m like this.” He murmurs and Isak’s heart lurches. He shakes his head.

“It’s not like it’s your fault.” He tells him and after a few moments of silence, Isak notices tears streaming down Even’s pale face. “Even…” Isak lifts an arm and rests it half way on Even’s body just to show him that he’s here. “I may be younger, and shorter, and not as smart as you… but, I’ll look after you… because I care about you, a lot.”

Even sniffled and cried harder so Isak curled into his side, nuzzling his face into Even’s shoulder. Isak pressed a warm, lingering kiss against Even’s temple. “Thank you.” Even whimpered, raising a heavy arm to hold onto Isak’s hand, intertwining their fingers tightly.

It only took a few more days before Even was going back to school, coming around to Isak’s house and smiling again. Isak liked when he smiled.

~~~

Isak started hanging out with Jonas a lot more as well, especially when Even started getting more and more homework and couldn’t hang out as often. One day, a boy named Julian joined them at the skate park. He was talkative and made Isak laugh. Jonas was showing his skateboard off to some girls, Ingrid and Sara, when Julian walked up to him.

“Isak, have you had your first kiss?” Julian smiled, pulling Isak off the bench. Isak crinkled his eyebrows together but followed obediently when Julian pulled him behind a tree, away from view.

“No, I’m only thirteen.” Isak rolls his eyes, knowing that not even Even has had his first kiss and he’s just turned fifteen. Suddenly, Julian’s hands were gripping his cheeks and their lips were being smooshed together awkwardly. Isak froze. Julian pulled away with red cheeks.

“There,” Julian said, pulling his hands away and running off. He left Isak behind that tree, blushing harder than he’s ever blushed. Isak couldn’t even think about what just happened. A boy… just kissed him. Isak just had his first kiss and it was with a boy.

He eventually joined his friends again and caught the tram when they all left. He missed his own stop and went straight to Even’s house. For a while, they played videos and then watched Freaks and Geeks until Isak couldn’t keep it in anymore. They were laying on Even’s bed, ready to fall asleep with the TV playing in the background when he spoke up.

“Even, I had my first kiss today.” Isak blurts out. Even turns to him, shocked.

“What?” Even exclaims and Isak blushes, pausing the TV. “Who-Who kissed you?” Isak fidgeted with a loose thread on the blanket they were sharing.

“Julian Dahl. One of Jonas’ friends. He… He pulled me behind a tree and just… kissed me.” Isak shrugs and Even stares at him.

“Did you like it?” Even finally asks and Isak just looks at him.

“I don’t really know… It happened so fast but I guess it was… nice? I don’t know…” Isak shrugs again. “Have you ever kissed someone?” He asked, but Even just shook his head, still staring at Isak.

“So… do you like him? Julian.” Even questioned, biting his lip. Isak huffed out a laugh.

“I don’t know!” He shouted. “I don’t even know him, he just… he just grabbed me and kissed me.” Even laughed and that made Isak laugh.

“Well, what happens if he does it again?” Even asked once they stopped laughing. Isak looked at him and shrugged.

“I don’t know… I guess I’ll kiss him back.” He told him.

“Is he cute?” Isak laughs and Even just smiles. “What? What’s so funny?”

“I don’t know, yeah, I guess,” Isak said and Even just hummed. “Why are you asking?”

“I just wanna know.” Even turns to him and smirks. “You deserve to be kissed by cute people.”

“Shut up, Even.” Isak groans, hiding his blush under the blanket.

“Can I come with you next time you go to the skate park?” He asked him and Isak emerged from the blankets to glare at him.

“Why? Are you going to embarrass me?”

“No,” Even giggles, “I wanna meet this guy. Your first crush.” Isak rolled his eyes but couldn’t argue when his heart was pounding at the thought that he has a crush.

“No, once he sees you he’ll realize how ugly I am.” Isak sneers but Even’s mouth drops comically.

“Did you just say I’m hotter than you?” Isak groans, trying to turn around but Even pulls him onto his back again to look at him. “Did you?”

“Whatever, Even! Let me sleep!” Isak pushes his hand away, ignoring Even’s giggles.

“Aw, Isak, don’t worry, you’re just as hot as me.” Even tells him and Isak just rolls his eyes before they move on to different topics. They always did this, staying up way past curfew to talk about everything and nothing. At around one, the conversation cycled full circle, back to Isak and his kiss.

“What did it feel like?” Even asked. “The kiss.” He clarified. Isak was filled with pride at the fact that Isak had experienced something before Even.

“It was nice… I don’t know, I don’t think I really did anything.” Isak shrugged again, and Even hummed, asking him to continue. “It was warm and his lips were soft and kind of wet… but that’s what made it nice. I got butterflies in my stomach.” Even nodded.

“Was it like in the movies?”

“I guess… Except it was too short and I didn’t even close my eyes.” Isak told him and Even nodded again. They were silent for a moment before Even turned on his side like Isak, facing him with his whole body now. Isak scooted closer slightly and Even took a deep breath.

“What if… we kissed?” Even wondered and Isak felt his heart stop. “Like… what would happen?”

“Well, we would be kissing.” Isak laughed a breathy laugh. Even smiled at him and licked his lips absently. “But, it’s just a kiss. It doesn’t really matter, right?” Even shrugged.

“Yeah, I guess not since we’re best friends.” He said, head coming just slightly more into Isak’s space.

“You really want your first kiss to be with me?” Isak asked, skeptically. Even smiled a soft smile that made those same butterflies from earlier flutter around.

“Of course, you’re my favorite person ever.” Even told him and Isak nodded in agreement. He leaned closer until they were breathing the same air. It didn’t feel weird. It never felt weird between them. “So, Isak, can I kiss you?”

Isak nodded just the slightest bit and then a hand was on his cheek. It wasn’t like how Julian grabbed him and pulled him closer, it was softer and kinder. Slowly, Even leaned in and pressed their lips together gently. The butterflies were fluttering all around as Isak pushed back against Even’s lips and let his eyes close.

It was nothing like kissing Julian. This was soft and slow. It was long and lingering. Even’s lips were somehow so much softer and they were fuller. Their mouths moved together awkwardly but Isak felt an overwhelming buzz in his head, filling up his entire body. Even couldn’t even think. He couldn’t describe how it felt without thinking, _fireworks_. It felt like how it looked in the movies. It felt devastatingly fantastic.

It was almost paralyzing when they felt themselves pull away after what felt like minutes when realistically it was only seconds of bliss.

“Whoa.” Even whispered and Isak just stared at him with wide, stunning eyes.

“It didn’t feel like that.” Isak murmured

“What?”

“Julian. The kiss with Julian. It wasn’t like that.” Isak breathed. “Kissing you was like… the best feeling I’ve ever felt.” Even couldn’t help but smile, laughing breathlessly.

“Same… It was… Wow.” Even told him and Isak just smiled. They laid there, staring into each other’s eyes and they couldn’t help but think about how nothing felt different. Nothing was different except that now they knew what each other’s lips felt like. They knew how the other tasted and now Even’s had his first kiss. But nothing’s changed.


	3. A Dumb Boyfriend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “When did you guys start dating?” Jonas asked, not even blinking an eye when it happened. Isak looked over to see Even and him walking over to them.
> 
> “We’re not.” Isak blurted out, and Julian just laughed. Jonas raised his eyebrows.

One thing did change though; Even started hanging out at the skate park. He quickly made friends with Jonas and spent the days learning to skate. Julian never tried to kiss Isak again but he did hang around him, while Elias had ditched them to hang out with the older kids. Isak watched happily as Even and Jonas got along so well. Even was a quick learner so it wasn’t long until he was skating up and down the ramps.

During the summer right before Isak was about to turn fourteen, Julian kissed him again and everyone saw. They were talking on the bench when Julian suddenly leaned in and planted one right on Isak’s lips. He pulled away and Isak was left to stare in shock for a moment. His lips still didn’t make him feel the things he did when he was kissing Even.

“When did you guys start dating?” Jonas asked, not even blinking an eye when it happened. Isak looked over to see Even and him walking over to them.

“We’re not.” Isak blurted out, and Julian just laughed. Jonas raised his eyebrows.

“Oh okay, he just kissed you though?” Jonas asked. “It’s okay if you guys are dating, I don’t care.” Isak couldn’t help but smile at the comment.

“No, he’s right, I just couldn’t help but kiss him.” Julian giggled, throwing an arm around Isak.

“You guys wanna go get a kebab?” Jonas asked, casually and Isak felt so warm inside knowing that Even was right. Even’s always right. This wasn’t a big deal. If Isak was having feelings for a boy, it wasn’t a big deal. It was natural.

“Me and Isak have to get back to my house though, he has homework.” Even blurts out and Isak looks at him with a quirked eyebrow.

“I don’t have that much.” Isak defends and Even raises his eyebrows dramatically.

“You have to do it eventually.” Even tells him, making Isak sigh. Again, Even’s always right. Isak stands from the bench and Even grins triumphantly.

“Alright, you guys have fun.” Isak pouts but then suddenly Julian is wrapping a hand around his wrist.

“Hey Isak, can I ask you something?” He says with a smile on his face. Isak nods and follows as Julian leads him a few feet away.

“What’s up?” Isak asks and Julian blushes. He smiles as warmth spreads through his toes when Julian moves his hand to hold Isak’s.

“Well, I was wondering if you would… be my boyfriend? Like Jonas said, I’ve kissed you twice now.” Julian says. Isak feels a nervous buzz rush through his body. He felt his face flush pink and he giggled.

“Okay.” Isak nodded, and when Julian smiled he leaned in to press a kiss against Julian’s mouth. It was warm and it felt nice but, there was no overwhelming butterflies and exploding fireworks like with Even. But that was okay because Even and him were best friends, and now Julian was his boyfriend. His very first boyfriend.

“Then I’ll talk to you later, okay?” Julian said to him and Isak grinned. Julian gave him a peck on the cheek and then Isak was walking back to Even to leave the skate park.

Even watched him walk back and tried to smile. It was odd, seeing someone make Isak so happy and Even felt a heaviness in his chest. He wanted to be the only one to make Isak smile like that but he couldn’t help but ignore that in favor of being happy for his best friend. Even was sixteen now, he knew this heaviness, this bitterness. He knew it was just jealousy. He felt bad for being jealous though, he wanted to be happy for him but something unknown made his heart twist seeing Isak being kissed so sweetly.

They had never kissed after that first one and Even hadn’t even thought about kissing anyone else. It was like kissing Isak that one time was enough for a lifetime. He didn’t need anyone else in his life. Just Isak. Even was starting to think that that was unhealthy, especially now as he watched Isak make his way over to Even with a bright smile on his soft face.

Even forced a smile onto his face as they walked to the tram together. He threw an arm around Isak’s shoulders casually. “What’d he ask you?”

“To be his boyfriend.” Isak smiled, a pink flush permanent on his cheeks now. Even raised his eyebrows.

“Oh, that’s cool.” Even told him. “You really like him then?” Even felt Isak shrug.

“Yeah, I think,” Isak said and Even just nods as they get onto their tram. They sit side by side in silence until Isak speaks up again. “You’re still my favorite person ever though.” Even smiles wide and kisses Isak’s head.

Now that he’s in high school he can see why people often assumed they were dating, considering most guys didn’t act like them. Actually, most friends didn’t act like them. Most friends didn’t kiss each other on the face or cuddle in bed. Even decided a long time ago that he liked that they weren’t like most friends. Isak agreed.

~~~

“I’m pretty sure Julian absolutely hates you, dude.” Jonas laughs one day as they were sitting on their boards to take a breather. It had been a week since Isak agreed to be Julian’s boyfriend.

“What? Why?” Even laughs at him with raised eyebrows.

“For like a million reasons! You didn’t see him death glare you ten minutes ago when you kissed Isak’s forehead?” Jonas asks and Even’s eyebrows don’t move back down.

“We do that all the time. We’re best friends.” Jonas gives him a look but Even just shrugs.

“Alright well, I overheard them yesterday and he was all like ‘Are you cheating on me with Even?’ and when Isak said ‘No, Even’s just my favorite person’ Julian seemed pretty pissed.” Jonas laughed and Even couldn’t help but join.

“I don’t know, I mean I guess he better get used to it if they keep dating.” Even said and Jonas chuckled.

“Yeah, _if_ they keep dating. He seems pretty mad at Isak.” Jonas nodded his head over to where Isak and Julian sat on a bench. Julian had his arm wrapped around Isak’s shoulders and was glaring Even down while Isak spoke animatedly to him.

“Hm. If he hurts Isak, you’ll help me kick his ass right?” Even asks and Jonas chuckles but agrees.

~~~

A week and a half later, Even was not kicking Julian’s ass; he was holding Isak close and letting him cry into his shoulder.

“I don’t know what I did wrong...” Isak whimpered, gripping onto Even’s hoodie. Even rubbed his back comfortingly.

“Issy, you didn’t do anything. It’s his fault for not trusting you.” Even told him. He knew this would happen because Isak was never even sure if he liked Julian but he always thought it’d be Isak out there breaking hearts, not getting heartbroken.

“I don’t even care anymore,” Isak whispered, sniffling. He wiped his face against Even’s shoulder and sat up slightly. “As long as I still have you, I don’t need a dumb boyfriend.” Even felt his heart clench. He smiled at the younger boy and leaned in to kiss his forehead.

“He didn’t even deserve you. You’re better than him.” Even said, making Isak smile sadly.

“Can we watch a movie or something?” Isak sniffled again, rubbing his nose with his own sweatshirt. Even nodded and moved back to separate himself from Isak. He picked out the film Oceans 11, starting it and then going back to climb under the covers with Isak. They leaned into each other’s spaces and watched the movie absentmindedly. As they watched Brad Pitt deal out cards at a table, Even brushed their shoulders together.

“Why haven’t we kissed since that night?” He asked and Isak shrugged after a moment of silence.

“I don’t know.” Isak answered, and it was true. He didn’t know. Isak was pretty sure that he would be leaning in to kiss Even right now, to feel that fluttery, sparkly feeling again, but there were still tears drying on his cheeks. Even understood somehow, and they didn’t talk for the rest of the movie.


	4. Drunk Hookups

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What’s your problem? I’m not like, your boyfriend or anything.” Isak slurred. Even tensed, looking straight forward.
> 
> “You’re my best friend and I care about you way too much than I should, considering you’re such a brat.”
> 
> “Yeah because all best friends make out with each other.” Even stops, turning to Isak abruptly.
> 
> “What the fuck is up with you?” Even almost shouts and Isak rolls his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this has some sexual content at the end but it's kind of mild. it's just over the clothes stuff. lol im so awkward. anyway, even if you hate reading about sex, try to kind of skim through it because it's kind of important to their relationship and the next chapter as well. i just don't want anyone to miss anything but if you want you could leave a comment and ask what happened and i'll tell you.
> 
> also, i have bipolar disorder, just wanted to put that out there so people don't try to attack me
> 
> i hope you like this chapter
> 
> thanks for readinnnnggg

Once Isak was in high school as well, they were a little less codependent. They could hang out with their separate groups of friends without missing each other like crazy. Of course, they missed each other but they got used to the fact that they couldn’t spend every moment together. At parties, they could show up together and meet up with other friends, and it was fine. The fact that they often couldn’t control the urge to kiss the other also played a part in their separation at parties. When they kissed in front of Isak’s friends when they were both too high to restrain themselves, it got too hard to explain their relationship to people. So they agreed to try and not kiss in public. That didn’t mean it didn’t still happen though.

“So hot, both her and Emilie.” Mahdi was saying, as Isak, Jonas, and Magnus sat beside him in Eva’s bathtub smoking from a water bottle bong.

“Nah.” Isak moaned and Jonas just laughed.

“Bro, you’re gay. You don’t even know.” Jonas told him and Isak glared at him.

“Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I’m blind.” Isak defends. “What’s up with you guys getting such low standards?” Mahdi scoffs.

“You’re talking about standards, yet you should be a lot less picky, considering how ugly you are.” Mahdi tells him and Isak just rolls his eyes. Mahdi and Jonas continue arguing about hot girls when a girl bursts into the bathroom.

“Yo, what’s going on? Can you close the door?” Jonas tells her.

“I gotta pee.” She sasses, shutting the door and sitting down right there. Suddenly another person bursts through the door. A tall boy with darkish blonde hair, who immediately catches Isak’s eye.

“You can’t just leave me out there with that nerd. He was all over me.” He said to the girl, huffing. Isak smirked and turned to Jonas.

“Go for it.” Jonas whispered. The guy started rummaging through the drawers under the sink.

“Remember when we were at Sara’s and she had those pills. She was so out of it afterward.” The guy said to his friend once she finished peeing.

“They weren’t blue though.”

“Hallo.” Isak blurted out. He probably could’ve said something smoother but the weed was messing with his brain a little. They both looked up and the guy looked a little surprised to find Isak staring at him. “My name’s Isak. What’s yours?”

“Adrian.”

“Adrian, what are you looking for?” Isak asked. Adrian gestured to the box of pills in his hands.

“Do you know if these work?” He asked him so Isak stood up and walked over. The guy looked tall but surprisingly, Isak was a couple centimeters taller. At sixteen, Isak had gotten to be around 1.8 meters tall and being taller than Adrian was somehow a slight turn-off. Isak ignored it though to grab the box of pills, purposefully brushing their hands together.

“Zyrtec.” Isak pronounced slowly. “They’re for allergies. They make you… tired.” He looks at Adrian and reaches into his pocket. “You want something that actually works?”

“Do you have anything?” He asks, looking Isak up and down. Isak smirks at him and raises his eyebrows.

“Maybe.” There’s a popping sound that resonates through the bathroom before Isak is placing a round, white pill on his tongue. Adrian’s eyes widen with his smile. Wasting no time at all, he leans forward and connects their lips, sucking the pill out of Isak’s mouth. Their tongue’s slide together hotly and Isak barely registers Jonas telling the others they should go find some food. He hears them leave and Adrian’s hands travel under Isak’s shirt once the door is shut. Their hands roam over each other’s bodies and Isak felt blood flow to his dick. Adrian’s hands come close to sinking into Isak’s jeans and-

“Isak we should- Isak!” Suddenly Adrian was jumping away from him and Even was standing in the doorway.

“Even?” Isak mumbled and Even just glared at him, grabbing his arm and pulling him out of the bathroom. “Even, what-“

“We’re going to my house.” Even announces, dragging Isak towards the front door.

“What? I wanna stay. I was having fun.” Isak whines. Even pulls him out the door but they only get out to the sidewalk before Isak is fighting him. “Come on Even, fuck off. What’s the big deal? You get high all the time.”

“That’s not the- Isak, you were letting some stranger grope you.” Even snaps and Isak makes a face.

“So?”

“You’re sixteen! You’re too young to be hooking up like that.” Isak can’t tell if it’s the weed or the hilarity of that statement, but he’s practically gasping for air because of how hard he’s laughing.

“Even! Are you kidding me?”

“Stop laughing! I’m serious, Isak.” Even huffs.

“Even, every teenager I know has hooked up at parties before.” Isak defends. “And at least I knew his name.”

“What about his last name?” Even raised his eyebrows, crossing his arms. Isak scoffed.

“We would’ve gotten there eventually.” He rolls his eyes. Even gapes at him.

“What? Were you gonna have _sex_ with him?” When Isak doesn’t answer and just shrugs, Even let out a bitter chuckle. “Jesus Christ, Isak, let’s go.” Even grabbed Isak’s arm and pulled him along, deciding that they could walk the mile to Even’s house.

“What’s your problem? I’m not like, your boyfriend or anything.” Isak slurred. Even tensed, looking straight forward.

“You’re my best friend and I care about you way too much than I should, considering you’re such a brat.”

“Yeah because all best friends make out with each other.” Even stops, turning to Isak abruptly.

“What the fuck is up with you?” Even almost shouts and Isak rolls his eyes but he looks guilty.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it… I’m just really drunk and high… and horny now.” The younger boy grumbles and Even huffs.

“Okay well… I’m sorry too. I guess it just scared me seeing you with that guy…” Even admitted.

“Scared you?” Isak questions, crinkling his eyebrows together. Even lets out a breathy laugh.

“Yeah, Isak. I’ve seen you in diapers and now I’m seeing a third year grope your dick. It’s a little weird.” Even tells him, the tension in the air dissipating. Isak’s eyes widen.

“He was a third year?” Isak asks, in awe. Even scoffs.

“Uh, I’m a third year.” He tells him but Isak rolls his eyes.

“Whatever, fuck you.” Isak starts walking again and Even just laughs at him. They walk in silence until Even throws an arm around Isak’s shoulder. “You ever think the reason you’ve never hooked up with someone is because everyone thinks we’re dating? Doesn’t that bother you?”

“Does it bother _you_?” Even asks him, his tone far more serious than Isak’s.

“No, but… don’t you want to kiss someone besides me when you’re drunk.” Isak mumbles, kicking at a rock as they walk. Even looks down at him.

“What if I just don’t want to kiss some random person?” Even says, making Isak sigh. “And I’m not _always_ drunk when I kiss you.” Isak sighs.

“That’s not what I meant,” Isak says, squirming slightly. “I’m too drunk for this conversation.” He chuckles and Even just pulls him farther into his side to kiss his forehead.

That night Even was laying on top of Isak, licking into his best friend’s mouth. Isak was so far from sober, Even almost felt bad for making out with him but he couldn’t stop himself. He slid their tongues together, swallowing Isak’s high pitched gasps and low moans. Even found himself grinding against Isak’s hips roughly, and Isak was grinding back. Blood rushed to his dick faster than ever and Even started feeling lightheaded and he knew it wasn’t a result of the one beer he had tonight.

“Am I better kisser than him?” Even moaned against Isak’s lips.

“Yeah Even, fuck.” Isak breathed, making Even grind harder, feeling Isak grow harder. They hadn’t ever grinded like this, practically humping like animals against each other. Never had they done it intentionally, it was always by accident. But tonight Even was determined to make Isak come because of him, not because of that guy in the bathroom.

“Are you gonna come, Issy?” Even whispered, biting and sucking on Isak’s bottom lip.

“Fuck, fuck, shit Even, keep doing that.” Isak moaned a little too loudly. Even shut him up with a deep kiss, practically shoving his tongue down the younger boy’s throat. Even sped his hips up and Isak’s hands pull at his hair. Even lets out gasps of pleasure when he feels himself coming in his jeans. His jaw clenches and his eyes squeeze shut as he rides it out, cursing under his breath.

“Even, shit.” Isak moans into his mouth. “I’m gonna come.” And Even can’t help himself. He trails a hand down Isak’s body and slows his hips to press down harshly on Isak’s bulge with his hand. It makes Isak gasp a little too loudly; they’ve never done _this_ before, Isak realizes. Even’s never touched him with his hands, even just over the jeans like this. It was never like this but albeit Isak moans brokenly and throws his head back, eyes shut and hair falling over his face. Even continues to rub against him until he knows Isak is done. They both just breath for a moment, panting and still frozen in their positions. Even climbs off of Isak after one last kiss on his lips.

After a few long moments of blissful silence Even speaks. “Do you want to use the shower first?” He asks him, kissing at the side of his face. Isak opens his eyes and groans.

“Yeah. Ugh, now I’m all sticky.” Isak groans. Before Isak can sit up all the way, Even pulls him back down into a deep kiss full of muffled giggles. “Let me go, I wanna shower.” Isak whines, so Even let him leave, watching him walk out of his bedroom door, carefully looking around before entering the bathroom across the hall. While showering, Isak can’t help but wonder what the fuck that was. He and Even had seen each other orgasm, but usually, they were too drunk to be talking like that or too high to even realize what was going on. Even didn’t seem drunk, especially with the deliberate touches and filthy words. Isak couldn’t even decide if he liked it or not. Well, of course, he liked it but it felt like another line being blurred between them. Where was the line now? What would it take to cross that line? Isak knew other best friends didn’t act like this and it was getting harder to admit that they were just best friends.

Once they’ve both showered and changed into fresh clothes, they curled up under the covers and laid side by side, Isak on his stomach and Even laying on his back. Even stares up at the ceiling, whispering about how cool Wes Anderson’s films are.

“Even… You know I like hearing you talk about movies, but I’m trying to sleep.” Isak mumbles, throwing an arm onto Even’s chest. His fingers trace little shapes on his collar bones, hopefully in a way that could sooth the older boy. “Just sleep, Ev.”

“I can’t, I’m not tired anymore.” Even tells him and Isak hums absently. Isak would never assume anything but Even hasn’t had an episode in a while and whenever he isn’t dead tired at one in the morning, it’s because of mania. Of course, Isak doesn’t say any of this to him, knowing it would just hurt Even’s feelings. Instead, he just reminds him of something.

“If you need to talk, I’m always here for you. I meant it when I said I’m looking after for you but I’m just really fucking tired right now.” Isak mumbles.

“I know. Thank you, Isak.” Even hums, pressing a kiss to Isak’s forehead. He continues pressing light kisses against Isak’s skin until he knows Isak is fast asleep. Even watches with a smile on his face as his best friend snuffles and sleeps soundly. Isak is always so adorable when he sleeps, and he looks so much younger. Even watches for what feels like minutes, but suddenly he’s looking at his phone and see that it’s four o’clock.

Even feels his eyelids become heavy at around five, and slowly drops into a restless sleep.


	5. It's Fucking Confusing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even, what are you doing?” Isak whispered. Even just raised his eyebrows and pecked a kiss onto Isak’s nose.
> 
> “I wish we went to the same school. I’m gonna miss you today.” Even says.
> 
> “We spend every second together, if we went to the same school I’m pretty sure we’d kill each other.”
> 
> “No, you’re my favorite person in the world. I can’t get tired of you.” Even says.

In the morning, Isak wakes up to kisses being placed all over his face and he has to admit, it freaks him out a little bit. Instinctively, he pulls away, opening his eyes to see Even hovering over him. Even had a wide smile and sparkles in his bright eyes. Isak pushed him off, groaning.

“What time is it?” He asks, grumpily. Even giggles and pulls them together.

“It’s eleven. Come on, let’s go eat, or go somewhere. Yeah, let’s go somewhere Issy.” Even rambled and Isak just responded with a groan.

“I’m tired, Even.” He whined, trying to pull away from him. Even squeezed him tighter and turned him around. Isak opened his eyes to glare at his best friend but as soon as he did that, Even lunged forward and connected their lips. Startled, Isak pulled back and looked at him. Even just laughed and pulled him in again, slower this time and Isak gave in, kissing him back. He could feel an uneasiness filling his stomach though. They never did this. They didn’t kiss when both of them were sober and practically fully awake. They weren’t boyfriends. Isak knew they were more than best friends but he was in denial about it all. This was fucking with his head.

“Even…” Isak pulled away. “Let’s go get food.” He told him and they both got dressed to head downstairs.

All weekend, it was like this. Even holding Isak closer than normal and kissing him goodnight and good morning. Isak was… confused. Even was sleeping and he wasn’t rambling more than usual. He seemed fine. Isak decided to ignore it. He’s known Even his whole life, he knows when to interfere and when to just let Even feel good.

They always rode the tram together, Isak getting off a few stops before Even since Bakka was farther away. They always rode the tram together, but not like this. Admittedly, it was a little more crowded than normal but Isak still couldn’t focus on anything else besides Even’s hands on his waist. Even’s fingers felt so grounding, pressing into his skin with just the perfect amount of pressure. Isak held onto his backpack straps, fidgeting with them just so he had something to with his own fingers.

“Wanna come over to Elias and Sana’s with me after your last class?” Even asked, one hand coming up to push a wayward curl behind Isak’s ear. The move felt almost more intimate than the hands on his waist and it sent a shiver down Isak’s spine. _Get it together, you do this all the time._

“Sure, I have to study with Sana anyway.” Isak nodded and Even gave him a bright smile. It felt too bright.

“Okay, good.” Even leaned in impossibly closer. Isak stood completely still as Even rested his forehead on his.

“Even, what are you doing?” Isak whispered. Even just raised his eyebrows and pecked a kiss onto Isak’s nose.

“I wish we went to the same school. I’m gonna miss you today.” Even says, sounding so fond it makes Isak’s insides warm up. Instead of addressing that feeling, he rolls his eyes with a scoff.

“We spend every second together, if we went to the same school I’m pretty sure we’d kill each other.” He tells him and Even just wraps his arms around his waist further.

“No, you’re my favorite person in the world. I can’t get tired of you.” Even said, pressing a kiss on the side of Isak’s mouth.

“Whoa Even, we’re on the tram.” Isak stumbled away but Even’s arms held him in place.

“Perfect, I want everyone to see how much I care about you.” He attempts to place another kiss on his mouth but Isak turned his head away so his lips landed on his cheek.

“Even, no. We’re in public.” Isak told him more firmly but the smile didn’t leave Even’s face. Instead, he just kept staring like he hadn’t just been rejected. Isak felt weird - not weird but the butterflies in his stomach wouldn’t let him think properly.

When Isak’s stop came up, he let Even kiss him chastely and hopped off the tram, stomach full of unease.

~~~

That afternoon Sana asked him about it.

“So… you and Even _are_ dating right?” Sana says after they’ve been silent, scribbling answers onto their worksheets. Isak groans dramatically.

“No, we’re not.” He tells her and Sana just squints at him.

“Alright but…” She laughs. “You guys kiss?”

“When we’re drunk.” Isak insists but even he knows that’s not true. Sana looks at him like she knows what he’s thinking, but she can’t possibly know.

“Isak, you’re a really bad liar.” She says frankly. Isak scoffs.

“Me? I’m a great liar. The best.” He defended himself fiercely but Sana just rolled her eyes.

“Come on, Isak. What’s up with you guys? I know you’ve been like this forever but… isn’t that weird?” She asked, attempting to word it carefully. Isak put down his pencil. He didn’t know what it was but something about Sana made him want to share things with her. He felt like he could talk to her.

“Sana, you can’t tell anyone.” He starts, serious. Sana nods and closes her biology book. “We first kissed when I was thirteen, or well almost fourteen. Then from there we just kept going on with our lives. But Sana… I’m the only person Even has ever kissed.” Her eyebrows raised.

“He’s almost eighteen?” She stated but it sounded like a question. “Do you think he’s in love with you?”

Isak froze. No. Of course not.

“No, Sana. No. That’s… That’s not the point. We didn’t kiss again for a while and then recently it’s been cause we were both drunk or high, or even just one of us. We were always fucked up.” Isak tells her and she nods for him to continue. “And I guess… He’s never seen me hook up with someone else cause he walked in on me a few days ago with this guy and basically dragged me to his house.”

“He was jealous.” Sana says like it’s simple. Isak takes a deep breath.

“He’s been kissing me a lot since then and I mean… It’s half my fault since I haven’t always pulled away but I don’t know, Sana, it’s fucking with my head.” He says. She nods, even though there’s no way she could understand.

“So, does it feel… weird? Or… wrong?” She asks. He bites his lip.

“It’s never felt weird… but I don’t know. All of a sudden it’s like…” Isak pauses. “When we first kissed, I thought it was fine cause it didn’t mean anything and we agreed that. We agreed that Even just wanted his first kiss with me because we’re best friends.” He avoided Sana’s intense gaze. “But… it feels like it means something now.”

“Why is that bad though?” Sana wonders, speaking casually. Isak sighed.

“I have no fucking idea if it’s bad but… aren’t friends supposed to just… be friends? And not make out all night?” Sana squeals.

“Oh you guys are not just friends.” Isak rolls his eyes at her.

“Then what are we? Because it’s fucking confusing.” He huffs. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t want it to stop but shouldn’t it?” Sana shrugs.

“It seems like it’s been fine for the last few years.” Sana says. He takes another deep breath.

“I need food.” He huffs again and they both mutually agree that they need a break before going back to their homework. They get up off the floor and walk together to the kitchen. As they get out some carrots and dip, the other boys come in, sweaty and yelling. Isak looks at them, confused as to why they’re out of breath until he sees Yousef with a basketball.

“Hey guys! You wanna play with us? We’re going back out soon.” Elias greets and Sana shakes her head.

“We still have work to do.” Isak tells him.

“Nerds.” Adam proclaims, playfully as the boys walk past them. Even stops at Isak and pulls him into his chest as the boys raid the fridge.

“Gross, Even! You smell _so_ bad.” Isak whines but Even just laughs and presses kisses all over his head.

“You’re so adorable” Even coos, squeezing Isak tighter.

“You’re so gross.” Isak sasses, scrambling to get away from him. The boys just laugh at them.

“Come on, come play with us. It’s fun, you can be on my team.”

“I don’t even know how to play, you know that.” Isak groans, finally getting away from his vice-like grip. Even scoffs.

“You’re such a baby, yes you do.” Even teased, taking Isak’s hands in his. Isak pulls away.

“Take a shower, you smell like feet.” Even laughs and the boys usher him away. They all leave with water bottles and Isak feels Sana staring at him.

“Are you kidding me?” She almost shouts, dramatically.

“What?” Isak asks, wiping Even’s sweat from his hands.

“Honestly Isak, when’s the wedding?” Isak punches her playfully with a death glare.

“Shut up. We’re just best friends.” Sana hummed. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” She asks innocently.

“Don’t hum like you know shit, you jerk.” Isak snapped fondly but Sana just hummed again.

~~~

For the rest of the week it was more of the same, Even was extremely tactile and basically cuddled him whenever they were close. Thankfully though, his parents were going on vacation for the week so they weren’t around to witness all the touching. Isak knew his parents would be asking a million questions if they were there right now.

They were making cheese toasties, which was innocent enough. But Even kept caressing any part of Isak that was closest. Isak was sat on the counter, scrolling lazily through his Instagram while Even put a million spices on the toasties. Suddenly he felt Even’s hands gripping each of his thighs and running up to grip his hips.

“Even?” Isak laughed, putting his phone down reluctantly. Even leaned in and swiftly brought their lips together. Before Even could press his tongue into his mouth, Isak pulled away, hands on Even’s chest. “Even, what are you doing?” He asked, seriously.

“I just wanted to kiss you.” Even answered, like it was that simple. He lunged forward again but Isak pulled back.

“We just don’t usually do this. We don’t kiss unless we’re like… drunk or something.” Isak tells him, looking at him intently.

“Why can’t we just kiss when we feel like it?” Even asks with an award-winning smile on his face and crinkles by his eyes. Isak squinted his eyes at him.

“Because we don’t do that,” Isak tells him because all of this is messing with his teenage brain. “Doesn’t this seem… different to you? All of this. We don’t usually do this.”

“It’s a good different though.” Even says, voice calm and cheery.

“Is this because of that guy? Because you realize that you can kiss other people too? Right?”

“I don’t want to kiss other people.” Even huffs, fondly. Isak pushes him away slightly.

“Even, are you okay?” He says more firmly because this all can’t be because he’s in a good mood, right?

“What? I’m great, just… let me kiss you.” Even smiles. Isak holds his hand against Even’s chest, effectively keeping him away.

“Have you been taking your meds?” Isak asks and Even’s smile disappears.

“Fuck you.” He says abruptly, dropping his hands from Isak’s waist. “Not everything revolves around my fucking bipolar disorder. I just want to kiss you. Why the fuck does that mean I haven’t been taking my pills?” Even growls and Isak feels tears of shame prickle in his eyes.

“Okay okay. I believe you. I’m sorry.” Even huffs, angrily. Isak pleads, “I’m sorry, Even. I didn’t mean to… I’m sorry. I’m just… I’m an asshole. I’m sorry.” He drops his hand and brings them to cover his face. One stray tear falls into his hand and he wipes his eyes fiercely.

“I don’t want to fight with you.” Even tells him honestly. “It’s okay, Isak. I understand.” Isak looks up and Even’s face cracks. “No, no, don’t cry. Don’t be sad.” He comes back into Isak’s space.

“It’s okay.” Isak wipes away another stray tear and Even rubs both hands up and down his sides. “You can kiss me, I don’t mind. I was just overthinking it. You can kiss me, Even, it’s okay.” He tells him and Even smiles brightly and connects their lips.

Isak can do this. He can deal with some confusion as long as Even is smiling like that. They spend a good chunk of time slowly making out and licking into each other’s mouths until Isak’s stomach growls loudly. They separate with a laugh and Even goes back to assembling the cheese toasties.

Isak lets out a sudden laugh, making Even turn to him after putting the toasties in the oven. “What?”

“Julian Dahl just messaged me,” Isak says, incredulously, showing Even the Instagram message. Even laughs easily and Isak loves the sound.

“Wow.” Even scoffs.

**_Julian Dahl:_ ** _Wow, you’re still just as cute as you were in middle school. Wanna hang out sometime? I’m transferring to Nissen after Christmas._

“What are you gonna say back?” He asks and Isak just chuckles.

“I don’t know. I don’t really wanna hang out with him. I heard he’s all snobby now because he’s realized how rich his parents are.” Isak scoffs. “And he dumped me for like the pettiest reason ever.” He rolled his eyes and Even hummed.

“You should hang out with him and show him what he’s missing out on.” Even says and Isak just laughs loudly.

“He’s not missing much.”

“What? You’re hot now.” Even tells him.

“You’re obligated to say that, you’re my best friend.” Isak retaliates and Even rolled his eyes. “I’ll just invite him to Eva’s party on Friday.”

“There’s a party?” Even asks and Isak nods. “Can I come?” Isak chuckles.

“No Even, I’ve decided that I never want to hang out with you again and you’re not invited,” Isak says sarcastically.

“You’re such a little shit.” Even tells him, punching him in the arm.

“Of course you can come Even.” He tells him, more seriously. “Besides, I need you there so Julian doesn’t try and rekindle our romance.” Even laughs loudly, throwing his head back.

“Oh yeah, can’t have that happening.” He chuckles, playfully.


	6. Fucked Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Even! Please stop!” Even’s elbow came back and smashed into Isak’s chin, making him bite his lip so hard it spilt. Even whirled around, looking like he was about to throw the boys off of him until his eyes landed on Isak’s bloody mouth.
> 
> “Isak, what-who did this to you?” Even stepped up to him, eyes wide and teary all of a sudden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you like this story so far, leave me a comment and say something nice pls 
> 
> thank you for reading this shit

At the party, Isak was heavily crossfaded. His bones felt tingly and the warmth of his blood enveloped him comfortably. He didn’t know when but a boy had been talking to him for a while. Alexander, or something like that. Isak honestly was only half listening.

“-so how about you?” Alexander asked and Isak felt himself chuckle.

“Sorry, what?” He asked and Alexander gave him a look before smiling kindly. He was cute. Tall with dark brown hair and bright green eyes. Isak leaned in closer and the other boy smirked.

“Do you want another drink?” He asked and Isak should’ve said no with how he already couldn’t remember how many drinks he had consumed but he agreed anyway. Alexander smiled and leaned in closer, placing a hand behind Isak’s head. He leaned down to whisper into his ear seductively. “I’ll be back, and then we’re getting out of here. Okay?” Isak blushed red and nodded when Alex’s hand snaked around his waist. But as the boy pulled away he was suddenly being cuffed in the cheek by someone’s fist. Isak’s mouth falls open in shock as he sees Even punch him again and this time knocks Alexander down.

The boy tries his best to fight back but Even continues to bash at him, face twisted up to make him look angrier than Isak’s ever seen him. Snapping into action, Isak pulled at Even’s shirt, trying desperately to make him stop. Everyone was staring now.

“Even! Stop!” Isak yelled, gripping onto Even tighter than he thought he could in his inebriated state. Thankfully, Jonas and the boys were by his side in no time and helping him pull Even off of Alexander. “Even! Please!” Even’s elbow came back and smashed into Isak’s chin, making him bite his lip so hard it spilt. Even whirled around, looking like he was about to throw the boys off of him until his eyes landed on Isak’s bloody mouth.

“Isak, what-who did this to you?” Even stepped up to him, eyes wide and teary all of a sudden. He brought his hands to cradle Isak’s face.

“You did. What’s wrong with you dude?” Mahdi shouted, confused. Isak watched as Even’s face tightened and his jaw clenched like he was going to turn around and sock Mahdi in the face.

“No, Even, it’s okay.” Isak grabbed his face to look at him. “We have to go before someone calls the cops.” His words firm but calm. Even nodded, eyes scared.

“What the hell’s your problem man?” Alexander shouted, standing up from the ground. His face was slightly swollen and bruised. Even flinched, overwhelmed with all the yelling. Isak grabbed him and held him close, running a hand through his messy hair.

“Shut up.” Isak snapped at Alex. He tries to pull Even through the crowd, arm around his waist but Alex continues to yell after them.

“Is that your fucking boyfriend? You _slut_ , flirting with me when your boyfriend’s at the same party?” Alex scoffed and Even tensed harshly, going to turn back around but Isak grabbed him tightly.

“No, Even! Stop, he’s just looking for a fight.” Isak held onto his waist with both hands, feeling completely sobered up. Even’s heart is beating hard in his chest and his breathing was heavy.

“Shut up, don’t talk to him like that!” Even shouted back at Alex, struggling to get out of Isak’s hold without hurting him further.

“Even, please. Please, let’s just go. Please.” Isak pleaded, voice broken in Even’s ear. He turned back to Isak and watched the blood run down his neck from his lip. He stopped struggling and nodded, letting Isak lead him out of the front door. Everyone watched with wide eyes as they left.

Once they were out they walked in silence towards Even’s house that was still without any parental supervision. Isak let himself cry, tears streaming down his face as he watched his feet stumble over one another. The crossfade mixed with the weight of the situation was making him emotional. Even didn’t notice him crying until they were stumbling through his front door. He looked back as Isak took his jacket off and watched in silence as tears stained his flushed face. Isak approached him, helping him pull his own jacket off. Even let him take care of him.

“Isak.” Even said once his jacket was off.

“I’m sorry.” Isak tried to turn away and rub away the tears but Even grabbed his arm, pulling him into his chest. “I’m sorry.” He began to sob, making Even’s heart clench.

“Shut up, stop apologizing.” Even said, but it sounded like it was just an automatic response. Isak knew what this was. He was manic and now this was the in between. The moments before he crashed were always like this. He was quiet and almost robotic.

“I need to clean up.” Isak pulled away and actually saw Even frowning at him.

“I’m sorry I’m a fuck up.” He said and Isak shook his head furiously.

“No, stop, you’re not a fuck up.” Isak gestured to his lip, “And this isn’t your fault. I was the one who got in the way.” He assured him but Even’s eyebrows just crinkled together, falling down slightly. Isak took a deep breath and then they were both in the kitchen, searching through the first-aid kit. Isak washed his mouth out to get all the blood out and then wiped at his lip with a wet towel.

“Let me.” Even said, voice low and Isak knew he needed this. He needed to help Isak right now. Isak nodded and lifted himself up to sit on the counter. Even dried off his lip before rubbing antibiotic ointment onto the cut. Isak winced as it stung. He pulled away once he was done and wiped his fingers onto the towel, promptly throwing it away afterwards. Even never wanted to see that bloody towel again.

“Even. It’s okay.” Isak breathed but Even didn’t listen. Instead, he stroked Isak’s face soothingly and leaned it. He placed soft, feather light kisses all over Isak’s face. Carefully, he brushed his lips against Isak’s, the touch so gentle it made Isak’s eyes flutter shut.

“I never meant to hurt you. I never want to hurt you.” Even whispered, lips barely sweeping across his face.

“Everything’s gonna be okay, Even. I forgive you.” Isak muttered softly, hands trailing over Even’s neck to grip comfortingly at the hair on the back of his head. Silently, they agreed to go and sleep. Isak held Even closely, his back against Isak’s chest. He just needed him to know he was there for him, he needed Even to know how much Isak cared before the depression came.

But the depression never came.


	7. Control Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Let’s check into a hotel.” Even exclaims as they make their way off campus and to the tram stop. “Or-or let’s get on a plane. We can go to London, or Amsterdam. We can go to New York, you’ve always wanted to see the world, Isak! Let’s travel the world!” Even stops and grabs Isak by the shoulders.
> 
> “Another time, Even.”

Isak was woken up a few different times in the night, and it went by unnoticed until he was being woken up with kisses to his swollen lip in the morning. Slowly, Isak opened his eyes to see Even hovering over his body.

“Good, you’re awake!” Even almost shouted and Isak’s eyes widened comically. Even didn’t notice though, he just sat down on Isak’s hips and kissed all over Isak’s sleepy face. He felt way past nervous at the thought that Even might still be manic. This wasn’t his normal behavior after an episode but he seemed like he was crashing last night. How was Isak supposed to help him? What was he supposed to do? Even was never like this. It was never like this.

Isak gasped audibly once he felt Even’s hard cock pressing against his through their boxers. Isak could _feel_ Even’s dick, and he panicked. Quickly, he rolled out from underneath Even and stood up beside him. Even smiled up at him with a glint in his eyes. Even pulled him closer, kissing at Isak’s stomach and he had to get away. This was too much. They were too close. Isak’s dick was too close to Even’s mouth.

“I’m gonna shower.” Isak announced and left Even’s room quicker than ever. _Fuck._ Once he was in the shower, he willed his erection to go away. As he dried off, he calmed down, taking deep breathes. It’s okay. Nothing’s going to happen. Even’s episodes weren’t always that bad and his parents would be home soon and they’d notice. They knew what to do. Because even after all this time, Isak still couldn’t properly take care of Even. He could keep him safe, and keep him from feeling controlled but he couldn’t do anything once Even was at school, and that’s what scared Isak. The fact that Isak couldn’t do anything once Even was at school and Isak was the only person who knew Even was bipolar.

Everything was going to be okay though, Isak reminded himself. Maybe Even is a bit hornier than normal but that’s fine. Isak could deal with that. Well, not really but at least his lip was feeling better. This was the problem with Isak taking care of Even though, is that he always gave in. He couldn’t deny Even and he wasn’t going to leave Even alone. So maybe they’d be kissing more often, but Isak could deal with that.

 _Yeah_ , Isak thought, _I can deal with that._ It’s not a huge deal, it’s just kissing. It’s only going to be kissing.

Isak put his pajamas back on when he realized he hadn’t brought any clothes with him. He went back into Even’s bedroom and watched as Even pulled a shirt on. He had changed into jeans but Isak could tell he still had a hard-on.

“I’m gonna steal some clothes.” Isak told him, going to rummage through Even’s dresser. He felt Even watch him as he pulled on some jeans and as soon as Isak was whipping his shirt off, Even’s chest was pressing against Isak’s back.

“Does your lip feel better?” Even asked him, carefully trailing fingers up and down Isak’s bare arm. And in the moment Isak though, fuck it, what’s the harm in making Even feel good until his inevitable crash-whenever it came.

Isak turned around, dropping the shirt in his hand and pressed himself against Even.

~~~

After the weekend, Isak was sure he had Even’s orgasm face memorized. He couldn’t help but feel weird about not finding it weird. Well, it was a little weird but Isak couldn’t make himself stop. He couldn’t stop when Even felt so good under his hands. He was warm and so responsive and Isak knew him better than anyone else. Isak knew Even trusted him and he knew it wasn’t going to harm either of them once they were past this episode. They’d done this before, just not as frequent.

On the way to school that Monday morning, it was incredibly difficult to leave Even on that tram. He couldn’t stop thinking about what could happen. What if Even hurt himself? What if someone else hurt him? Isak let Even kiss him goodbye before he left and had a tingling feeling all over his lips for the whole of his first class.

Even texted him constantly throughout the day and Isak tried his best to keep up with the conversation but it was hard when he was also trying to pay attention to his teachers. Isak tried to get Even to stop messaging him and pay attention to his own classes but he knew there was no point. When Even was manic, he couldn’t possibly focus on anything for longer than a minute. Unless he was focusing on grinding on Isak through their clothes and kissing him passionately.

The rest of the week was more of the same, but it seemed like Even was calming down.

On Thursday, when he got to lunch he noticed the texts had been less frequent that day which almost freaked Isak out a bit, making him worry. He didn’t have much time to worry though as Magnus was stopping his conversation in the middle of his story and waving at someone behind Isak.

“Hey, it’s Even.” Magnus said and Isak whipped around in his seat to see Even walking over to their table confidently. _Shit_.

“Hey guys. Hi, Isak.” Even grabbed Isak’s face and leaned in but Isak turned his face quickly so Even was placing a wet kiss on his cheek instead. All the boys watched with wide eyes as Even pulled up a chair and attached himself onto Isak.

“Are you guys finally dating?” Magnus blurted out and Even laughed happily.

“No, we’re not.” Isak told him but still leaned into Even’s touch, making the boys all give each other looks. Isak turned to Even with a stern look in his eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“I had a free period.” Even answered. Isak scoffed.

“You don’t have a free period. I know your schedule. Why the fuck are you skipping?” Isak asked him but he didn’t sound mad. He didn’t want to trigger a fight with Even, especially not in front of half the school in the cafeteria. Even just smiled sweetly.

“I wanted to see you. I missed you.” Even said to him and Isak couldn’t help the warmth that filled his stomach. But never the less, Even was skipping.

“Even, you can’t afford to skip school.” Isak says and the boys watch them closely. He knows what they’re thinking. The boys all assume Isak’s lying when he says that Even and him aren’t dating but they’ve seen him hook up with other boys. Isak’s starting to understand their confusion.

“Isak, you’re not my mom. Come on, let’s do something!” Even suggests, excitedly. He was buzzing, legs bouncing and hands tapping on his knees. He snaked an arm around Isak’s waist and squeezed them together, making Isak almost fall off his own chair.

“Dude, are you on something?” Magnus laughs but Even doesn’t even look at him.

“Let’s go, come on.” Even grabbed at Isak and forced him to stand up with him. Isak knew the only way to get Even home where he’d be safe would be by agreeing to whatever adventure he wanted to go on. Isak sighed.

“Alright, I’ll see you guys later.” Isak gave the boys a smile as they all stared up at him in confusion. Quickly, he put a hand on Even’s back and lead him out of the cafeteria before the boys could protest. Even smiled brighter than ever as he looked down at Isak.

“Let’s check into a hotel.” Even exclaims as they make their way off campus and to the tram stop. “Or-or let’s get on a plane. We can go to London or Amsterdam. We can go to New York, you’ve always wanted to see the world, Isak! Let’s travel the world!” Even stops and grabs Isak by the shoulders.

“Another time, Even.” He tells him, feigning a yawn. “I’m really tired. Why don’t we just walk around for a while and then sleep?” Isak suggests and Even just smiles.

“Anything for you.” He breathes, leaning in and kissing him right in the middle of the sidewalk. Isak pulls away after a moment and leads them downtown. At every store window, Even stops, begging to go inside until he sees the next store and sees something better. Isak agrees to go into a few stores because denying Even when he’s this happy is extremely difficult.

Even buys another copy of Moulin Rouge, along with Nas on vinyl even though he doesn’t have a record player. Isak reminds him of these things but Even doesn’t listen, or maybe he doesn’t even hear him. Even picks up a necklace in a vintage store he drags Isak into. Isak watches as he carefully traces the heart pendant before snapping it open to see it has a small clock. It’s the calmest he’s seen Even in a few days as he stares intently at the clock ticking away.

“It reminds me of you.” Even says suddenly, walking away to the register and buying it without a second thought. Isak walks up to him, a content smile on his lips. Even turns abruptly, and unhooks the necklace to hook it around Isak’s neck. He looks up at Even to see him staring at him already.

“This reminds you of me?” He questions and Even grins.

“Because love is timeless… and so it reminds me that we’re soulmates.” Even says like it’s simple. Isak makes an unattractive noise at the utter thought that they are soulmates.

“You’re such a dork.” Isak chuckles as Even reaches for the pendant. “Come on, let’s go.” He nods to the door and Even slings an arm around Isak’s shoulders.

Eventually, they make their way back to Even’s house and his parents are sitting in the kitchen. Isak wants to tell them. He needs to tell them about the fight because he knows they’ll have answers. They’ll know what to do about Even’s prolonged mania. But Even won’t leave his side.

“Oh hello boys, home early?” Olivia quirks an eyebrow, looking between the two of them and all Even’s shopping bags. Even began to show them all the things he bought and his dad, Daniel kept glancing back at Isak. “And I got Isak this necklace,” Even said, speaking louder than he needed to. He grasped the heart pendant around Isak’s neck and popped it opening. His parents watched with mouths slightly agape. “Because he’s my soulmate.” Even smiled and Isak watched Olivia and Daniel smile at them wildly. Isak didn’t know how he was going to tell him that his son and him weren’t actually dating.

“Hey, Even, why don’t you set up a movie and I’ll make food?” Isak suggested and Even nodded, promptly leaving to go to his room. Isak turned to Even’s parents with a nervous smile on his face.

“You and Even?” Olivia asked with a bright smile on her face. Isak sighs.

“No. We aren’t… really together.” Isak tells them and they’re smiles turn into faces of confusion and discourage. “But… I think Even’s going through a really intense episode.” He says quietly.

“What? How… How intense?” Daniel questions. Isak looks up to see their faces are fearful.

“Well… At first I thought it would be okay, but then he got into a fight at a party. He was punching this guy and when I got him home I thought the episode was over but he wasn’t depressed in the morning. He was… manic again.” Isak explains. Olivia and Daniel look at each other, urgently.

“When did it start? When do you think?” Olivia asked and Isak bites his lip. Maybe it was time to tell them.

“I was… hooking up with this guy when Even barged in and dragged me out. Then, we spent the night… kissing.” Isak told them. “Which, we’ve been doing for a while, but we aren’t dating. I don’t know what all this is.” He avoided their eyes as he finished. “Then in the morning, he was all over me… more than usual.”

“You guys _aren’t_ … dating?” Olivia asks, voice sounding far past baffled. Isak sighed.

“I guess we’re not just friends but we’ve never talked about it. We just kiss… usually when we’re drunk or tired… but now it’s been more often. He’s even tried kissing me in front of our friends… and the soulmate thing…” Isak tells them. Olivia and Daniel breathe collective sighs.

“Isak… Why did he get into a fight?” Daniel asked, making Isak look up at him. He looked stressed and more than usual.

“He was drunk, I guess… And he was fighting this guy who was flirting with me.” Isak answered, and Olivia let out a long sigh.

“And why did you let him get drunk, Isak?” She asked and Isak tensed at her frustrated tone.

“I… I can’t control him. I can’t monitor him, he hates that and it only makes him feel worse.” Isak explains. Even’s parents huff, giving him a glare.

“Isak, it sounds like _you_ have triggered this episode.” Daniel groans.

“You can’t let him do those things, Isak! We’ve told you time and time again and now you’re leading him on! Letting him kiss you and make him think you love him!” Olivia almost shouts. Isak flinches.

“I-I do love him.” Isak stutters.

“No, not in the way he loves you. Otherwise, you’d admit it.” Daniel chastises. “Isak. We need you to stay away from Even until he calms down.”

“What? That’s ridiculous!” Isak exclaims. “You know you can’t control him and-and I can keep him safe!”

“No, you’re hurting him!” Olivia shouts right back. She takes a deep breath, and through her teeth, she demands, “Isak. We need you to leave. Even needs you to leave.”

Isak couldn’t even argue. What if he did trigger all of this? What if all of this really is Isak’s fault? After all, his parents must know best. Even if Isak knew Even a lot better than them. He couldn’t fight them though, so he just picked up his backpack and stared at them.

“Can I say goodbye to him?” He asked, voice quiet and timid.

“No, Isak.” Daniel commanded. “We’ll tell him you had a family emergency.” Isak almost scoffs. Even would never believe that.

“Just… tell me when I can… when I can see him again.” Isak stumbled over his words, unable to believe this was actually happening. He had hurt Even. He caused this and he’ll cause Even’s inevitable crash. Before he can let all that hurt show, he left. Closing the door behind him and quickly making his way to the tram.

He didn’t cry until he was home, receiving concerned texts from Even. Messages just kept coming through and eventually, they moved on to song lyrics and word for word movie quotes. Isak turned off his phone because if it was on he knew he’d text Even back and only hurt him more.


	8. Anything For You, Isak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They meet up at a party, and Even's mental state is getting worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you guys are enjoying this, idk, thanks for reading it though
> 
> i really appreciate any comments or even just kudos. thank you buds :)

Isak continued to ignore Even’s messages even though it hurt. He missed him. He missed Even so much and there was nothing he could do. He hadn’t gone this long without speaking to Even in years. Even during Even’s depressive episodes, he’d at least be there. Now all Isak had was the nonsense he was texting him and his parents updating him on his condition.

His parents tell him that he isn’t sleeping; instead, he’s been drawing Isak and reading the science textbook he left in Even’s room. They are trying to keep him from going to school but Even won’t let them keep in under house arrest. Isak agrees. So on Monday, Even goes back to school after missing Friday.

“Isak, you look like shit.” Mahdi points out, and Isak knows. He can’t sleep knowing Even is confused and elated, his emotions everywhere. Isak also had to spend the weekend alone, which hadn’t happened since he was twelve and Even’s parents took him with them on vacation for the weekend. He didn’t realize how much better he slept when he was with Even.

“I know that, asshole. I haven’t been able to sleep.” Isak groans, taking an angry bite of the sandwich in front of him.

“Isak!” His head shot up to see Vilde and Eva approaching, arms wrapped around each other. Isak looks at them expectantly. “There’s a Bakka party on Friday. Do you think your boyfriend could get us in? There’s this guy that Sana really likes and we really want to hook them up.” Isak rolls his eyes.

“Even isn’t my boyfriend, and he’s not going to that party.” Isak tells her and she tilts her head, humming.

“But… Noora saw you guys kissing on the tram before school a couple days last week.” Vilde blurted before Isak could shush her. He gaped as all his friends made noises of celebration.

“Why won’t you just tell us? Oh my god!” They shouted, making Isak blush.

“Okay, whatever. I’ll see, maybe.” Isak said, just to get Vilde to leave.

“How long have you and Even been together? Tell us the truth.” Jonas demands and Isak just huffs, shrinking into himself.

“Shut up.” Isak mumbles, knowing he can’t tell them that Even is bipolar. Even deserves the right to tell people himself.

“Come on!” Thankfully, the bell rings and Isak has never left the lunchroom faster than that.

Throughout the week, Isak starts texting back. Even’s conversations switch within seconds and it’s incredibly hard to keep up but Isak can’t stand not talking to him. On Wednesday they talk on the phone.

“Why can’t you come over?” Even practically whines. Isak sighs.

“I can’t. My family… My dad’s making me stay.” Isak lies and Even hums like he’s going to call bullshit but thankfully he just changes the subject to rave about The Get Down.

“Isak, there’s a Bakka party at Eirik’s house.” Even tells him and Isak hums. “I’m gonna go, my parents have to work late and they’ve told me the neighbors will be watching me for some fucking reason but I’m gonna sneak out. You better be there, Issy.”

“Even, what if you get caught?” Isak asks, shocked but excited at the prospect of finally seeing Even again.

“I won’t, you know that.” Even chuckles and his laugh sounds so refreshing. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” Isak tells him, voice soft like his.

“Like, I really fucking miss you. I’ve had to jerk off like morning and night and it’s so much more fun with you.” Even says, making Isak gasp slightly. Even just chuckles. “Ugh, I miss you.” Isak breathes out a laugh, but he can’t help thinking about last night when he jerked off in the shower thinking about Even’s hips grinding against his. He really should stop thinking like that. But he can’t it if he misses Even’s lips on his.

“I can’t even sleep without having you next to me, it’s so dumb.” Isak curls up under his covers, closing his eyes to imagine that Even’s right next to him, talking into his ear.

“I can talk to you until you fall asleep. I have more to say about The Get Down.” Even suggests and Isak grins.

“Okay. I’d like that.” He mumbles, getting comfortable. He listens absently as Even rambles quietly. Eventually, he falls asleep to the warmth of his voice.

~~~

True to his word, Even is there at the party. Isak spots him across the room early on in the night with a beer bottle in his hand, talking animatedly to Mikael. He looks good. No, he looks fucking hot but Isak can’t admit to thinking that. Quickly he sets down his own beer and makes his way to Even. He’s only halfway to drunk, having taken it easy at their pregame. As soon as he gets within a few feet of him, Even’s already turning and closing the distance between them, engulfing Isak in a tight hug. Isak melts into the touch. He’s warm and familiar, and Isak’s missed this all week.

“Fuck, I missed you.” Even whispered in his ear and Isak can already feel Even’s boner poking against his thigh. It startles Isak but he knows it’s the result of his hypersexuality. Eventually Even pulls away and just looks at Isak for a moment. He knows he wants to kiss him and if Isak was being honest with himself, he wants to kiss Even too. From what Vilde said, it probably wouldn’t even be a big deal if they started making out right there, everyone already assumed they were dating.

In a spur of the moment decision, led mainly by the drunk part of his brain and his dick, he grabbed Even’s hand and took him to the closest bathroom he could find. Luckily it was too early in the night for anyone to be smoking in the bathtub or anything a little more interesting so Isak shut the door behind him.

“Wh-what are you doing?” Even chuckles as Isak locks the door and makes sure the lock actually works. He turns around and smiles.

“Didn’t you say you missed me?” Isak teased, and Even laughs, lunging forward to kiss Isak passionately. Isak backed up to press himself against the door. He knew what this was. This was bad. This was unhealthy and if Even’s parents were right then Isak was hurting Even. Isak couldn’t think any of this though, getting even drunker just off of Even’s hands on his body again. Blood flowed to his dicker faster than he’d like to admit but Even’s hard-on was pressing against his through their layers and it felt euphoric. His lips finally on his. His tongue in his mouth after over a week of being apart.

Even’s kiss never felt any different from their first kiss. It made Isak overzealous at an alarming rate and he was soon panting into Even’s mouth. His hands roamed all over Isak’s body, practically tugging on his clothing as he leaned in impossibly closer, resulting in Even’s crotch rubbing against Isak’s.

When Even suddenly dropped to his knees, kissing a trail down Isak’s stomach, he can’t say he expected it. Even began fumbling with Isak’s belt and a spark of fear turned into panic.

“No-No… Even.” Isak was pushing him away instantaneously, pulling him up off the ground. “You don’t… You… No. We don’t-“ He couldn’t even find words. He couldn’t deal with the feeling in his stomach. The arousal that rose at a dangerous rate when he felt Even’s long fingers so close to where he so badly needed to be touched. But Isak couldn’t give into his urges this time. He couldn’t just let it happen like so many times before because Even would regret this. He knows Even doesn’t like him like this. He knows Even would never want to do something like this if he wasn’t manic.

Isak had to get him home.

“Come on, I know you want to.” Even growled with a smirk, pressing his body against Isak again. He licked at Isak’s bottom lip before plunging his tongue into his mouth.

“Even-“ Isak pulled away, rather reluctantly. “Let’s just do this. Okay? I don’t want to do anything more.” He explained to him and _thank fuck_ , he got through to him. Even nodded and smiled sweetly.

“Anything for you, Isak.” 

An hour later they both had dried cum in their boxers and were now making out lazily, side by side, in the bathtub of the locked bathroom. Even pulled out a joint from his pocket and a lighter, and Isak sighed. He couldn’t let Even smoke that.

“Maybe we shouldn’t smoke.” Isak tried and Even just laughed at him.

“Why the fuck not?” He asked, eyes crinkling beautifully.

“We don’t even know whose house this is. It could set off the fire alarm.” He’s a bit surprised he was able to make up an excuse so quickly. Even scoffed.

“Whatever. What do you want to do then?” He asked, sighing like he was so incredibly bored. Isak hums.

“We could keep making out,” Isak suggests. Even smirks and raises his eyebrows teasingly. “I mean, I don’t know about you but I bet I could get hard again.” Even’s eyes lit up.

“Can I suck you off?” And hearing him say it out loud actually made Isak let out a moan. It was breathy but Even caught it, staring wide-eyed at Isak’s mouth. He knew he had to deny his body. He couldn’t let Even do something like that. Because sure they kissed, but Isak knew that getting a blowjob from Even is a line that shouldn’t be crossed right now.

“No, let’s just… Do what we normally do.” Isak told him and Even whined, giving Isak a dramatic pout. He leaned over and pressed Isak’s back against the uncomfortable porcelain. He needs to be more drunk for this.

“I wanna make you feel good, Issy.” Even breathed hotly against his neck. Isak had to close his eyes. Fuck. Even placed his mouth on his neck and sucked a hickey onto his skin.

“You can do that just by kissing me, Even,” Isak whispered back, pulling Even’s face up and looking into his eyes. They were sparkly and slightly glossy, but he still had him. He hadn’t completely slipped. He wasn’t gone. It was more than reassuring, but he found it scary too. If Even wasn’t manic, would he be offering to give Isak a blowjob? Isak was starting to doubt the resounding no his brain had created.

“Mmm, you’re so fucking hot Isak.” Even moaned, attaching their lips in a sloppy, firework-inducing, butterfly fluttering kiss.

~~~

The party was shut down at almost midnight and Isak and Even barely slipped out of sight. They rode the last running tram back to Even’s house and Isak helped him sneak in through the window.

“Why can’t you stay?” Even asked, holding onto Isak’s hand before he could leave.

“Even, my… my dad told me I need to be home soon.” Isak explained, lamely. He hated lying to Even, but he didn’t want to lose him completely when his parents found out about tonight. “I’m sorry, I have to go.” Even frowned but still stuck his head out the window to kiss Isak. This kiss was comfortable. This was the kind of kiss they shared when they were younger. It was sweet and warm. Even pulled back and grinned at him, squeezing his hand before letting it go completely.

“I’ll see you after school on Monday,” Isak told him, even though he wasn’t completely sure that was true. Even nodded, kissed him once more before disappearing back into his bedroom.


	9. Because of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "All weekend Isak begged Even’s parents to let him see the older boy but they said Even was still not sleeping. They didn’t want to risk him getting worse by seeing Isak and it made Isak’s stomach turn at the thought that he was making Even worse."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the angst.
> 
> i hope you guys like this story and this chapter. thanks for reading :)

All weekend Isak begged Even’s parents to let him see the older boy but they said Even was still not sleeping. They didn’t want to risk him getting worse by seeing Isak and it made Isak’s stomach turn at the thought that he was making Even worse. He always told Even he would help him and look out for him. On Monday, Isak’s parents told him Even hadn’t slept at all in the last few days and he wasn’t allowed to see him.

He tried to keep up with the text messages, but Even was making it feel more and more like a one-sided conversation. On Tuesday night they spoke on the phone again and Isak told him to come by Nissen after his last class. Even agreed that he would meet him at the tram station.

On Wednesday, Even wasn’t there. Isak had arrived just a few minutes after his class was dismissed and excepting to see Even in the next ten minutes. Ten minutes turned into twenty and soon he was calling him. Over and over again but it seemed that Even’s phone was dead or turned off. Twenty minutes turned into thirty and Isak was pacing now. He was close to panicking.

So close, in fact, that he called Even’s parents. He called them both, one after the other, ten times in a row, maybe more but Isak wasn’t keeping count. Thirty minutes turned into forty and ten calls turned into more than twenty. Isak felt tears filling his eyes at the weight of the situation. This was all his fault. Even could be in danger. Even must be hurt.

Fifty minutes from the initial meeting time and Even’s dad was calling him.

“Hello? Hello! Daniel, is-is everything alright?” Isak shouted into the phone, getting looks from the other people at the tram stop.

“Isak, calm down. I need you to calm down.” Daniel spoke into the phone in a patronizing tone that only made Isak’s panic grow.

“Where is he? Even. He-he was supposed to meet me an hour ago. Where is he? Is he hurt? Do you know where he is? Did he just go home?” Isak felt a sob catch in this throat and realized how wrecked his voice sounded. He barely registered the first of many tears falling steadily down his red cheeks.

“Even’s in the hospital.” Isak’s heart positively stopped. He was sure of it. This was it, wasn’t it?

Daniel was speaking again. “He jumped out of window on the second floor at school and his friends caught him before he was damaged too badly but he’s got a broken-“

“What hospital? Where is he? You cannot keep me away from him right now!” Isak yelled, words sounding wet with tears. Daniel hesitated but he gave him the address and Isak didn’t even waste time getting on the tram when it came. He ran.

He ran all the way to the hospital with fear in his stomach and tears in his throat.

~~~

_Even is hurt. Even is hurt. Even is hurt and it’s because of me._

Isak had been sat beside Even in that hospital bed for the last hour. He hadn’t spoken to his parents, he hadn’t even spoken to the doctors when they asked him who he was. All he could do was collapse into the chair next to Even and take his hand.

He had a broken collarbone, a bruised rib, and a sprained wrist. Apparently, everything was okay, except that he was now being kept asleep with sedatives. Isak hated it. He hated it all.

“Isak, I’m really sorry we said those things to you,” Olivia said, voice soft. Isak just shook his head. He didn’t want to speak to them right now.

“We understand that couldn’t have possibly forced him to have an episode… because that’s not how it works. We know you were just trying to help.” Daniel told him, and that’s what broke it.

“No. That’s not what you should be apologizing for.” Isak stood up, still not letting go of Even’s good hand. “You should be apologizing for the fact that you said I don’t love him.” His voice started to raise and he laughed humorlessly, “which is absolutely fucking wrong because I love Even more than I love myself. And you guys may be his parents but I know him better than anyone and I knew that he needed me! He needed me to keep him safe! He needed me by his side like always and you forced me away!” Isak was practically screaming at them, in complete hysterics after holding his emotions in. “So instead of trying to control him at every chance you get, why don’t you just let him make his own decisions because maybe he would’ve met me at that fucking tram station instead of this!”

He took a deep breath, watching their horrified faces as they stared at him like he had completely lost his mind. Isak tore his vision away from Olivia and Daniel to look down at Even again. After a moment, he picked up Even’s blanket and got underneath it. His parents had way too much money so they had gotten a private room with a double bed for Even’s gangly limbs, so Isak could fit in right beside him. Isak heard his parents leave after a moment, and he let himself cry. He intertwined Even’s limp fingers with his own and kissed the back of his hand.

He never slept, no matter how tired he was. He didn’t get out of the bed either, even when the nurses came in to check Even’s vitals. At some point his parents were there, his mom gently caressing his arm.

“Baby, you have school tomorrow. You need sleep. You should come home, Even’s going to be fine.” His mother whispered but Isak couldn’t leave.

“I’m not going. He needs me. I need to be here when he wakes up.” Isak grumbles back, a little angry that his parents thought he should leave Even right now. “I’m sorry…” He whispers and eventually they leave him alone. All night Even never wakes up and Isak doesn’t sleep.


	10. We're Not In Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm sorry I made you think that we're in love."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's monday my dudes, and i love you
> 
> also the timeline doesn't really make any sense, don't know how that happened but whatever. just read it, okay. 
> 
> sorry.
> 
> hope you like it, i guess.

On Monday, Even fully wakes up. Not for long. Just long enough for Isak to begin sobbing.

“Holy fuck, you’re okay.” Isak sobs as Even blinks at him sleepily. “I’m sorry, I’m just so fucking tired and you’re okay and I didn’t want to leave you.” Even stares at him before lifting his hand ever so slightly and grabbing on to Isak’s. Isak looks at him, tears still streaming down his face.

“It’s Monday, in case you’re wondering.” Isak tells him and Even blinks. “and… and I love you.”

Even stares at him before closing his eyes slowly, and falling back to sleep. This time, Isak follows, forehead resting against his shoulder. His body radiates warmth and Isak feels tears trailing down his cheeks, wetting Even’s shirt.

Eventually, he realizes he needs to shower. It’s midday and all he’s done since he got here Wednesday afternoon was lay with Even and occasionally ate the food his mother brought him. He needs to get up. He needs a shower. Carefully, he makes his way over to the bathroom. Before starting the shower he grabbed the clean clothes his mom must have left him.

While the hot water stung at his back, he realized how much he’s fucking everything up at school by skipping so much. Even’s only going to be sleeping for the next few days, he doesn’t need Isak crying on his shoulder. So once he got out of the shower and changed into fresh clothes he texted his mom and asked if she would pick his up later. He texted Sana to ask about the assignments he surely missed. He ignored all the texts from the boys. He didn’t need to deal with them right now.

 He sat beside Even for the rest of the day, watching him sleep and overthinking everything, like usual. This whole thing made him so scared because what do they even call their relationship? When Even gets that inevitable question about them and if they’re _together_ , what does he say? Isak never needed a label for them. He always thought he’d been fine if Even stopped just kissing Isak when he was drunk and got himself a girlfriend or a boyfriend. He thought he’d always be able to just continue hooking up with boys at parties and maybe even have a boyfriend as well but now he’s not so sure he could do that. Now he thinks it might hurt to see Even kissing another person. Just imagining makes Isak feel so empty inside. He didn’t realize he could even feel like this. But here he was, wanting all those kisses they shared to mean something; because if he was being honest, Isak knew they meant everything. Even meant everything to him.

Two hours after he showered, Even’s eyes began to flutter open and Isak watched carefully. He surveyed the room, looking around with the slightest crease between his eyebrows. He lifted up his arm and stared at his IV. Isak watched as he sighed deeply and for a moment Isak thought he fell back asleep.

“I’m sorry.” He breathes. Even never speaks this early on in his depression so Isak lets him speak, but he can’t help the confused face he gives him. “I’m sorry I made you think that we’re in love.”

Isak feels his heart drop to his stomach. He doesn’t even know what to say to that. He wanted to argue but Even just crushed him with that one sentence.

“I didn’t mean to… make you kiss me and make you do all that stuff… and I’m sorry about all the soulmate shit. I know it scared you.” Isak wants to tell him that he doesn’t know shit. He wants to tell him that he meant it when he kissed him back. He wanted to tell him that he loved kissing him and he thought they were soulmates too.

He didn’t. He just hummed. “You shouldn’t be apologizing. I made my own choices, you didn’t make me do anything… But, uh, I’ve missed three days of school now so I really have to get back.” Even closed his eyes slowly. “So I’ll come around tomorrow after class.” Even gave him the smallest nod and then Isak knew he had drifted back to sleep. He didn’t cry, like he so badly wanted to. He waited outside the hospital until his mom was pulling up next to him and he got in the car. He didn’t answer when his mom asked about Even. He didn’t answer when she asked about him saying he loved him. He didn’t cry. He just climbed out of the car once they were home and followed his mom inside. He went to his room and he covered himself in the thick duvet.

And he cried. He let sobs wrack his whole body. He let snot run from his nose and rub into his pillow. He let tears pour down until his headache was unbearable and all he could do was sleep.

He dreamt about dark blonde hair and smooth skin. Soft and full lips. A deep voice and a teasing tone. Blinding smiles. And the brightest blue eyes you’ve ever seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you've never experienced heartbreak, consider yourself so fucking lucky


	11. You're Constant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He could barely sit in the same room as Even without the aching in his heart growing. He just felt like such an idiot. Of course he would realize he’s in love with someone right as it all ends."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> every fanfic needs a mom character that apparently knew all along

Isak visited Even every day for a week. They didn’t speak much but they needed each other’s presence. Even would lie awake as Isak sat on the chair next to his hospital bed and he’d do his homework. Even would watch him and Isak wouldn’t have the strength to look him in the eye. He knew what all this meant. Isak knew he was in love. He knew he’d probably been in love with Even since they were kids. He felt like a fucking idiot. Because here he was, completely enamored with his best friend, and said best friend would never feel the same. Because he didn’t have trouble introducing Isak to his friends or explaining their relationship. He knew they were only friends. Just friends. It was only Isak who had those struggles. Isak couldn’t understand their relationship and all of this was really fucking with his head.

During the next week, Even was discharged and was able to go home. But nothing really changed. Isak still visited, doing his homework at the desk in his room while Even slept in his bed. A whole week passed of the same thing every day. Even’s mom was thankful though because Even would only wake up while he was there, apparently. Isak was also the only person who got Even to eat, even if it was just a pack of crackers. Isak didn’t read too much into it though. He still didn’t look at Even, he couldn’t bear it. He could barely sit in the same room as Even without the aching in his heart growing. He just felt like such an idiot. Of course he would realize he’s in love with someone right as it all ends.

“Isak, can we talk to you for a moment?” Olivia pokes her head in the room on Friday afternoon. Isak had just finished up his homework and was about to start packing up but instead, he nodded and followed her into the dining room. Daniel was already sitting there.

“What’s up?” Isak asks, a little warily. All week he’s felt more uncomfortable in their home than he’s ever felt before. In fact, he’s never felt uncomfortable here, so this feeling was awfully new. Daniel gave a sigh.

“We’re taking Even out of school for the rest of the year, which of course means he needs to repeat his third year.” Isak raises his eyebrows at them.

“Really?” He doesn’t exactly catch on to why they’re telling _him_ this.

“It’s what’s best. We don’t want him to force himself to go back and just make everything worse.” Olivia says and he nods in agreement. Olivia and Daniel share a look. “But, we were wondering if you could talk to him about this. Maybe, ask him if he even wants to go back to Elvebakken. I think he’d take it better hearing it from you.” Isak takes a deep breath.

“I don’t really think he wants to talk to me…” Isak tells them, and they share a look again, one that looks a lot more confused.

“Has he… Why do you think this?” Olivia asks, quirking an eyebrow.

“I mean… we haven’t spoken in two weeks. I can barely look at him.” Isak tells them. Daniel raises an eyebrow, as if to ask him to continue. “He…” Isak took a deep breath. “He said he regrets kissing me and… calling me his soulmate and… I don’t know… I just realized how much I actually… love him. So, I’ve kind of ruined everything and… He doesn’t want to speak to me.”

Daniel and Olivia just stare at him, and of course they do because Isak just admitted to being in love with their son. Olivia suddenly lets out a laugh.

“I knew this would happen.” She said to Daniel and he smiles back. Isak squint at them. “As soon as they became friends, I knew it! I always know this stuff, why don’t you ever believe me?” She continued and Daniel laughed too.

“I believe you.” He says easily, turning back to Isak. “Isak… You should talk to him. Because when you’re not here and he wakes up, he asks about you. He asks when you’re coming by and he asks if you look healthy.”

“He cares about you so much, baby,” Olivia emphasizes. Isak is at a loss for words. He stares at them for a moment before shaking his head. “Isak, he only said those things because he probably thought he freaked you out. He’s depressed, he’s trying to push you away.” Isak shrugs.

“Didn’t you say you guys have kissed before this episode?” Daniel asks, and Isak forces his skin not to blush when he nods. “Exactly. He wasn’t just doing this because he was manic. Isak, you should really talk to him.”

“What if wasn’t just trying to push me away because he’s depressed? What if he actually wants me out of his life?” Isak asks. “Because… I’ve never lived without him and I don’t think I can.” Olivia smiles sweetly.

“Baby, I don’t think he could ever want you out of his life. He loves you, I know it.” She says and Isak manages a smile.

“I’ll talk to him about going back to Bakka.” Isak agrees, standing up and nodding at them. He disappears back into Even’s room and this time Even’s messy bed head is poking out of the covers. His bleary eyes watch Isak as he crosses the room and goes back to the desk.

“Do you have to go?” Even croaks, and hearing his voice again makes Isak want to cry. He turns and looks at Even. He really looks at him and it’s the first time in almost two weeks. The older boy looks deathly pale and hollow. His hair’s greasy and his skin is breaking out. His eyes are dull. He’s still just as beautiful.

“I’m not going to leave just yet,” Isak says, voice low. He sits back down at the desk, but turns to the chair to look at Even. Even watches, his eyes slightly glossed over and wide. “Can I talk to you about something?” Even blinks.

“Sure.” He whispers.

“So… your parents are going to pull you out of school for the rest of this year.” Isak tells him and Even raises his eyebrows just the slightest bit.

“Oh… How…” Even swallows. “How will I graduate?”

“You’ll retake your third year next year…” Isak tells him, and Even sighs. “So… are you going to go back to Bakka… or would you want to transfer?” Even looks up at the ceiling.

“Everyone knows I’m crazy.” He whispers. Isak scoffs.

“Shut up, you’re not crazy.” He tells him, lowly, and not as fierce as he usually would if Even said that when he wasn’t depressed. “You could transfer though… If you want.” They’re both silent for a long time. Even turns back to Isak.

“I could go to Nissen.” Isak lets a small smile appear on his face.

“You wouldn’t get tired of seeing me so often?” Isak chuckles quietly. Even gives him the smallest smile and it makes Isak want to burst into tears.

“I’ve been with you my entire life, I don’t think I can get tired of you.” Even says and Isak chuckles again.

“Yeah, I mean… I was just telling your parents, like… It’s so weird… I don’t even remember a time when you weren’t in my life.” Isak tells him and Even gives a smile that’s slightly bigger. Isak has to will his eyes not to let out the tears welling up in his eyes.

“I like that.” Even says, sounding more and more like himself as the conversation goes on. “I like that you’re constant.”

“I like that too,” Isak says back, and in a moment of bravery, he lifts his hand up to grasp the heart pendant around his neck. “And for the record, we _are_ soulmates. I don’t care what you say.”

“Okay.” Even lets out the tiniest chuckle, and this time a tear falls down Isak’s cheek. And then another and then another. And then Even’s asking him, “What’s wrong?” Isak sniffles, wiping away his tears. He shakes his head.

“I just… really love your laugh.” Isak lets out a chuckle, feeling a bit dumb for crying. He looks up and Even has a small smile on his lips.

“Isak.”

“Yes?”

“You’re too far away.” Even whispers and he moves the slightest bit over. Isak immediately crawls under the covers like it’s second nature and it kind of is after a little under sixteen years of crawling into Even’s bed. 

“I’m sorry.” Isak continues to wipe away the tears that are streaming down now. “I’m sorry, I’m just so tired and sad and I know it’s nothing compared to how you’re feeling but I just missed you so much and I feel so terrible like all this is my fault but I know it’s not. It’s no one’s fault but what if I could’ve done something? Or what if I did something? I just-“

“Isak.” Even’s hum cuts off his rambling.

“Sorry.” Isak whimpers, looking up to see Even staring down.

“I missed you too. A fuck ton.” He said, with a smile that made Isak chuckle and then scoot closer. They laid next to each other for a while, for almost an hour until Isak’s stomach growled. “Let’s get food.” Even whispers and slowly he sits up. Isak watches until Even was standing up on shaky legs. Isak got up, trying not to look like he was in awe but Even hasn’t willingly gotten up in almost three weeks unless it was to be shoved into the bathroom to shower or pee.

“Alright.” Isak nods and Even leads him out to the kitchen. Olivia and Daniel look up from the couch to smile brightly at the two of them and Isak smiles back. As they stood in the kitchen, Isak hummed. “I can make cheese toasties.” Even nodded and sat on the counter across from him. Isak smiled at him, so badly wanting to kiss his full lips but decided to shove that thought down immediately.

He busied himself taking out the cheese and bread, slicing it up. Suddenly, Even’s hand came down on his forearm, fingers grazing over a scar on his wrist.

“What happened?” He asked, pulling his arm up and looking at it closer. Isak felt warmth run through his whole body at his touch.

“Jonas got a cat.” Isak chuckled but his breath definitely stuttered when Even brushed his lips against the scar. Their eyes met and Even gave him an easy smile, which Isak returned, along with a small chuckle of amazement. Even’s finger brushed along the scar again and then let his arm go, returning to the cheese.

“Did it hurt?”

“Yeah,” Isak laughed, “and Jonas was mad at me afterward because I dropped the little shit.” Even chuckled lightly but it sent sparks through Isak’s skin. He continued to assemble the cheese toasties, determined to make them good. He put them in the oven and turned back to Even, opening his mouth to speak but Even beat him to it.

“Come here.” Even gestured and slowly, Isak approached him until Even could reach out and pull him closer. Isak stood between his legs and looked up at him, curiously. Even’s eyes went right to the pendant. Isak watched as Even’s hands came up to hold the locket carefully, popping it open to look at the time. His eyebrows came together, and his lips turned down into a frown. Isak watched in confusion but before he could ask, Even spoke. “It doesn’t work.”

“Hmm?” Isak hummed, trying to look down at the locket.

“The clock, it’s frozen.” Even frowns. Isak wants to kiss away his frown, but… he doesn’t. He can’t.

“It’s alright,” Isak assures him.

“I can fix it.” Even insists.

“No, it’s fine, Even. Not everything needs to be fixed.” Isak tells him, making Even look back up at, his gaze intense. Even stares at him and Isak can feel his breath hot on his face.

The beeping of the oven makes Isak jump, pulling away from Even reluctantly. He goes to take the toasties out of the oven and shakes thoughts of kissing Even out of his mind. That’s over. Even doesn’t want that. It’s over. They’re just friends.

Isak hands him his plate and they head back into Even’s room, laying down on his bed. Isak puts on The Get Down and sits back, further away from Even than he would normally sit. They ate in silence and Even slipped down into his covers afterward. It was getting late, and Isak was about to get up from the bed when Even spoke.

“Will you stay?” He whispered and Isak looked over at him. His blue eyes, still slightly glossed over and looking tired. He couldn’t do this to himself though. He couldn’t sleep next to him like nothing had ever happened like he wasn’t in love with the boy. He bit his lip.

“I’ve got a family thing I have to be at early tomorrow.” He said and Even’s face fell. “I can stop by tomorrow though. I can stay tomorrow.”

“Okay.” He nodded and shifted around on the bed as Isak got up and packed up his things. “I’ll miss you.” Isak gave him a smile.

“I’ll miss you too.” Isak murmurs, loud enough for Even to hear and then he leaves.

~~~

The next day, Isak visits as usual and he’s packed an overnight bag. He was nervous, of course. He felt terrified at the idea of sleeping next to Even in that bed. Because what if he tries to kiss Even? What if his brain takes over and Even pushes him away? He’d be crushed all over again. He can’t do that to himself but… Even needs him right now. He needs to know Isak is still his best friend and cares about him (probably more than a _best friend_ should).

As he heads over to Even’s room, Olivia stops him.

“Did you talk to him about going back to Elvebakken?” She asks and Isak nods, with a little smile on his face.

“He wants to go to Nissen.” He says, then a bit more worried, “Is that alright?” Olivia smiles brightly.

“I think that’ll be wonderful for him.” She says, stroking his cheek lovingly. Isak smiles back and then goes to open the door to Even’s room but she stops him. “He’s a… a bit worse today.”

Isak nods, smile falling from his lips immediately. Swallowing, he opens the door to Even’s room and finds it almost completely dark. Carefully he shuts the door behind him and sets his bag down gently. He toes his shoes off and goes right to sitting at Even’s desk. He surveys the room. It’s no different from when he left yesterday except instead of the dirty plates they set on his bedside table, there’s a full glass of water and a full cup of tea. The curtains are drawn completely shut and Even looks like he hasn’t moved an inch. His breathing is eerily slow, his chest hardly moving. Isak lets himself look at Even for a moment. He isn’t the most attractive like this, but Isak doesn’t see all that. He doesn’t see the sickly, pasty color of his skin, making him look washed-out and dead. He sees soft skin that’s begging to be touched. He doesn’t see greasy, unkempt hair; he sees dark blonde locks that his fingers wish they could dive into like so many times before. He doesn’t see chapped, arid lips, he just sees full, beautiful lips that he still has dreams about. That he’s dreamt about for the last two and half weeks. He sees a boy that he craves to love with everything he has, but this boy doesn’t want his love.

~~~

Isak doesn’t end up staying the night, because Even never wakes up but he leaves a note on his pillow. Some badly drawn doodles that he knows Even finds funny and a note telling him that he’ll stop by again tomorrow. On Sunday, he comes back, as promised and enters the room to see Even staring at the ceiling.

“Hey, I watched a really cool movie last night. It reminded me of you.” Isak told him but Even didn’t move. “Is talking bad today?” He asked and Even managed a nod after a while. Isak knew that most days Even didn’t just find talking exhausting, he found just listening tiring. And Isak understood. “Okay well, I have homework anyway.”

Isak sat down at Even’s desk and got to work, just like how he’d been all last week. He knew Even was looking at him, but he ignored it, focusing on actually doing his chemistry problems.

“I changed my mind.” Even rasped, voice dripping in dreariness. Isak turned and quirked an eyebrow, humming. “I want to hear you talk.” Isak nodded and turned slightly, book in his hand.

“Sana was really mad at me, because I couldn’t remember like – some basic biology terms.” Isak chuckled lowly. “So we basically spent our whole study period arguing instead of studying.” He talked about every detail of the conversation, knowing Even wasn’t listening to the words but instead just listening to the intonations of his voice. He talked about the most mundane things; what he had for breakfast, the stupid things Magnus said in their group chat, the old women who spoke to him on the tram ride.

“Isak.” Even interrupted, making Isak look up, worried that he was now just annoying him. He met Even’s sharp gaze. “Come here.” He whispered. Slowly Isak stood up and shuffled over to stand next to the bed. “Isak, please.” His eyes darted to the duvet and back up. Isak knew what he wanted. So for tonight, he indulged.

“I didn’t bring clothes.” He mumbles once he’s securely underneath the covers.

“Just stay.” Even breathed. “Please.” And he sounded so pained that Isak couldn’t even argue. He nodded and scooted it closer. Even stared at him, thoroughly analyzing his facial expression. “You don’t want to be here.”

“Even. Don’t be stupid.” Isak rolled his eyes, scoffing gingerly. “I’d do whatever it takes to be near you. I’m looking after you, for forever… or as long as you want me here.” Even’s eyes watched him carefully.

“So… forever, then?”

“Forever it is.” Isak smiled gently and Even came closer. Isak delicately raised his arms, touching Even warily until he nodded and Isak pulled the older boy into his chest. A breath of air floated out of his chest, and he felt relief rush through him like heroin. Even’s arms came around to weigh Isak down and just his close proximity made Isak want to burst into tears. Instead, he nestled his nose into Even’s hair and left a soft kiss.

For the first time in a long time, Isak slept soundly.

~~~

Another week. Another week of Isak sitting around in Even’s room, sometimes talking, sometimes cuddling but most times he sat at Even’s desk, doing his homework. He couldn’t acknowledge how worried he felt, but he also couldn’t deny it. His friends saw it. They noticed how tired he looked and how he didn’t even bring up Even. He sat there absently, just a ghost of a person.

Even hadn’t ever been like this, and Isak knew that. He had asked Olivia and Daniel about it but they were just as worried, telling him to just keep doing what he was doing. Isak refused to leave Even alone but… what if he was just making everything worse?


	12. He Pulled Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He was stuck gasping for air, hyperventilating at a fucking tram stop. He felt his knees wobble and his head felt dizzy. He felt himself choking on sobs."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck it's angsty now
> 
> check the end note for a warning

On Friday of the fourth week since his episode, Even was watching Moulin Rouge. Isak stood outside the door with a shocked smile on his face as he listened to Ewan McGregor belt out Your Song. He almost wanted to leave, not wanting to interrupt the movie. He stood there until the song ended, feeling elation bursting in his chest. Slowly, he composed himself and opened the door to see Even still lying in bed but watching the film attentively. His eyes drift to Isak and they seem to examine him, watching as he sets his bag down by the door.

“Am I interrupting?” Isak asked, somewhat holding back a smile. Even’s eyes grinned at him.

“Come here.” His voice is rough but not as rough as it’s been. Isak’s smile widened, as he took of his shoes and climbed underneath the covers next to Even. They watched as Santine figures out Christian is only a writer and not the Duke. Isak slumps down next to him, noticing how he must’ve showered. He looks up to see his clean, soft hair and he wants to run his fingers through it so badly. Instead, he turns back and watches the Duke yell in his ridiculous voice. He feels Even’s eyes boring into the side of his ear, so he turns.

“Good day?” Isak asks, with a smile.

“I missed you and watching this always makes me think of you.” Even gives him a smile and Isak melts.

“Why?” He chuckles.

“Because I’ll always remember how confused you were when you saw it the first time.” Even giggles and it’s almost a full laugh. Almost. Isak rolls his eyes fondly and Even slips an arm around his waist. He wants to move away. Well, he doesn’t want to but he needs to. Right? This isn’t what Isak wants right now, he doesn’t want to continue being led on. He needs to get over this. It’s not love. It can’t be. He can’t fall in love with Even. He won’t.

They get closer and closer as the film continues. Even doesn’t sing all the songs into his ear like usual but it’s still okay. It’s still making him smile. Isak loves his smile. The cuddling feels better after a while. Isak can handle this. He can pretend nothing’s happened. He can pretend he hasn’t admitted to his undying love for his best friend. He can pretend that never even happened and instead rest his head on Even’s shoulder.

Even hums along slightly to the Elephant Love Medley and Isak isn’t surprised. It’s his favorite song and usually, he’d be dramatically singing along with Christian and Isak would join him, singing Santine’s part, begrudgingly. But hearing him hum was enough. Then suddenly as the song came to its end, and they sang together quietly, leaning in and brushing noses, Even’s hand was on his cheek. Isak was too startled to do anything but follow as Even turned his head and he knew on the screen that Christian and Santine were kissing for the very first time. Even leaned in slowly… but Isak couldn’t do this. Regretfully, he pulled back.

Even’s face dropped along with his hand.

They sat there in silence, barely blinking as the stared at each other. Even’s mouth still parted open slightly and Isak breathing heavily.

“I just… Don’t think…” Isak doesn’t even know what to say. He doesn’t know how to fucking explain any of this and truthfully he knows that it’s all making this worse.

“I’m sorry…” The life has left his voice and his eyes are back to dull and dripping dreary. Isak wants to shake his head. He wants to tell him not to apologize because _it’s not your fault you’re not in love with me_. Isak wants to lean in and say fuck all of this, and just kiss him, deeply and passionately like how Even should be kissed.

Instead, he leaves. He scrambles out of the bed, flings his backpack over his shoulder and he leaves. He leaves without grabbing his goddamn shoes.

~~~

He doesn’t visit all weekend. He texts Even and Olivia with excuses. He hates himself. He feels like a fucking idiot because of course, he can’t forget none of this happened. Of course, he can’t.

All his dumb unrequited love problems are shoved down to the bottom of the Things To Worry About list when he gets a call on Tuesday.

A call from Olivia telling him that Even needs him. She’s sobbing and repeated it like a mantra. She’s practically choking on her tears and Isak can barely understand her. Finally, she spits it out. And Isak feels his heart stop. And it’s not like it is in the movies. It stops and then he’s sputtering for breath because –

Even attempted suicide this morning. He got up for the first time all weekend, shuffled into the bathroom and swallowed every last one of his anti-depressants. Olivia found him thirty minutes later, shaking violently on the floor of the bathroom – all the locks on all the doors had been removed years ago – and she forced him to throw it all up. She called the hospital and apparently, they went and took care of it but Isak wasn’t fucking listening anymore.

He was stuck gasping for air, hyperventilating at a fucking tram stop. He felt his knees wobble and his head felt dizzy. He felt himself choking on sobs listening to Olivia speak into his ear.

“Honey, please. _Please_. He needs you. He needs you. He needs you to _be_ with him. He needs you to love him.” She pleaded, begging for oxygen as well.

“I love him.” Isak barely breathed out before he felt himself running. He couldn’t even feel his legs moving, all he could feel was the slap of the pavement against his shoes and his body moving forward. The adrenaline coursing through his veins making his skin cold. All at once, Isak registered that he was standing in front of Even’s house. He rapped at the door, breath heavy, positively panting. Olivia threw the door open and pulled him into a hug.

“ _Please_. He thinks you hate him, He didn’t want to live without you. He thinks you hate him.” She cried, hysterically and Isak cried with her until the longing to be near Even was much too strong and he was pulling back. He nodded at her, wordlessly straightening up and heading towards Even’s room. The door was open, and Even was lying there with red splotched cheeks and tear-stained skin. Isak took his shoes off and closed the door halfway.

Isak crossed the room, anxiously. His breath was still coming short and his mind was hurdling. Adrenaline was the only thing keeping him upright. Fuck.

Even’s eyes were closed. His breath slow and heavy and Isak wanted to wake him so badly. He wanted Even to look at him with those eyes, those very alive eyes that he feared he’d never see again.

Gingerly, Isak pulled back some of the covers and slid in next to the boy, turning on his side to watch him sleep. He didn’t focus on the fact that if Olivia wasn’t so attentive, this fucking boy could be dead.

Instead, he focused on the cute little freckles on Even’s chin. He focused on the acne spots all over half of his jawline. He focused on the mark on Even’s ear and the little textures of his skin. He focused on his breathing. It calmed him. He watched Even’s chest slowly rise up. And then down. And up. The routine made Isak’s breath follow but he never slept. He couldn’t. He needed to be awake when Even was awake.

Hours later, it was dark outside but the curtains were drawn slightly, illuminating Even’s pale complexion. Isak held his breath as Even’s eyes fluttered open. Moments passed as Even looked around the room, before his eyes landed on Isak. Immediately, he looked away, taking a deep breath.

“What are you doing here?” It sounds harsh, and Isak doesn’t know what to say.

“Even – “

“You don’t love me.” Even breathes, face twisting into a grimace and Isak feels sick. He feels like he may vomit because… Even did this because of him.

“ _Even_ , I love you… I _love_ you so much, more than anything. I – “

“But you won’t kiss me.” Even practically scoffs, sounding like tears weren’t far from his eyes. Isak choked out a sob, breaking apart right there. Tears burned at his retinas. He sat up slightly to lean over Even.

“Even, I love you more than anything. And not like how you love a brother or a friend or a _best_ friend but how you love the greatest thing in your life.” Even was staring at him now, tears waiting in his ducts. “I love you like how you love someone you want to look after and how you love someone you want to kiss, how you love your soulmate and how you _love_ someone so much you’d do anything to make them happy. You’d do anything for them and I thought…” Isak let the tears go because Even had. “I thought when you apologized… in the hospital… that _you_ didn’t love _me_. I thought I needed to shove my feelings into a jar and fucking,” Isak let out a bitter tasting chuckle, “throw it to the ocean because I’d do anything to make you happy or comfortable and… I’m a fucking idiot.”

Isak huffs, bringing up a hand to wipe away his tears. “I’m so sorry Even… that I couldn’t make you feel loved. Because you deserve so much love… more than any other person in the world. You deserve better than all this shit.”

There’s a long moment of silence, only filled with Isak’s sniffles and the sound of him continuously wiping his tears.

Suddenly, Even breaks this tense silence. “I don’t deserve you.” Isak lets out another bitter laugh.

“You deserve the fucking moon. The Earth and the stars.” He scoffs. “If you deserve all that, I’m pretty sure you can have me.” Even stares and Isak returns the look of pure intensity.

“You don’t want me.” Isak huffs in frustration. All the tears, the running, and this pure raw emotion has become taxing on his sixteen-year-old body.

“Fuck, Even. I want you!” He almost shouts, and Even flinches just slightly, making Isak lower his voice significantly, tone still just as vehement. “Even, I’ve always wanted you. And I want to hold your fucking hand whenever the fuck I want, and I want to kiss you on the tram and at that dumb skate park and in the grocery store and at parties I wanna be hooking up with you in the bathroom, not some guy named Alex or Adrian or fucking Leonardo DiCaprio, I want it to be _you_! And I want to spend the rest of my life with you because I love you! Not just because I don’t know _how_ to be without you but because I don’t ever _want_ to be without you. And I may be young but I _love_ you. Even. _I love you_.” Isak is practically begging Even to believe him by the end of it.

Their eyes watch each other’s fill with more tears until Even’s lips are turning up just the slightest, tiniest bit. But it’s enough to shock Isak.

“I thought I would be the one to give a speech.” Even says and Isak lets out a wet laugh. An incredulous, bubbly, tear-filled laugh before he’s lunging down and kissing Even passionately. They kiss like they need each other’s tongues to breath. They kiss and they kiss until Isak knows Even is too tired. They pull away and Isak practically collapses onto his chest, wrapping his arms around the older boy and holding him like he’s never felt another body against his. He shoves his face into Even’s neck and breathes in his scent, so thankfully that he’s here.

He almost cries out when Even’s arms squeeze him back just as tightly and his nose buries itself in Isak’s curls. Isak leaves gentle kisses all over Even’s neck as his breathing slows and soon Isak’s follows, falling asleep on top of his soulmate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> suicide attempt: Even tries to swallow a lot of pills but he's saved and the description of it isn't graphic at all


	13. Getting Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak mumbles. “And… you can tell me if you don’t want to talk about this right now but…” Even hums in acknowledgment. “What am I… to you? Are we still just… best friends?“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again the timeline is all weird, i'm sorry, i don't know how this happened
> 
> lol anyway, i hope you like this chapter. the next one is pretty long and it feels like the end but do you guys want to read more? like maybe because they go to Nissen together they get into a fight or maybe it's all good? tell me in the comments please.

When Isak's stomach began growling so loudly he was afraid he'd wake up half of Oslo, he very carefully climbed off of Even.  He checked the time to see that Oslo was probably already awake as it was noon on a Wednesday. Gently, Isak left the bed, leaving the door open to head into the kitchen. Olivia was already busying herself, making two different kinds of soups. She sighed in relief when she saw Isak.

"How is he? I checked on you guys earlier and I assume you talked?" Isak nodded and gave her a smile.

"I think he'll be better soon. And then we'll really talk." Olivia nodded and Isak asked if she needed any help. As an answer, she just handed Isak two huge bowls of soup. He smiled, thanking her and then left to sit on Even's bed. He set Even's soup on the bedside table but he didn't wake him. He just sat there eating his soup and looking around Even's room like he's never seen it before when in fact he's practically memorized the quotes stuck on the wall. He's only half way finished when Even shuffles around and Isak looks to him. He meets his eyes and tries to smile and the effort means a lot to Isak.

"There's soup if you're hungry but you can go back to sleep. I'm not leaving." Isak tells him, pointing to the soup on his table and then taking a sip of his own. Even watches him, closely. "I texted Sana, she's sending me her notes and I'm getting all my assignments from her and other people in my classes. I'm staying as long as you need me."

Even nods and then looks at the soup for a long moment before he readjusts and falls back asleep. Isak busies himself all day in Even's room. Doing his homework, researching for a project and then cleaning up Even's room. Tidying up makes him feel a lot better. He puts all the clothes on the floor in a basket for Olivia to take down to the cleaning cellar. Then he straightens up the movies on his bookshelf, wiping off the dust that has collected.

Eventually, his clothes are done so Isak stands at the end of the bed, folding them. Even wakes up then, wide eyes watching Isak.

"Stop. You don't have to do that." He croaks out and Isak tuts, rolling his eyes.

"It helps me calm down, if anything I'm doing it for me, not you." He tells him, and it's true. Every time Isak has let himself start to think he wants to burst into tears and drown in the ocean with the thought of losing Even.

"You should go home. You'd like it better there." Even tells him, voice weak. Isak rolls his eyes again.

"This is my second home," Isak tells him, matter-of-factly. "So you're not allowed to kick me out."

"Okay." Even agrees after a moment and then his lips turn up just barely but it's enough for Isak to smile back. They're silent for a moment, Isak just folding Even's tee shirts and Even watching him. Once Isak finishes he goes to put them in the drawer and then fishes out Even's Notorious Big shirt and sweatpants.

"I'm gonna change, okay?" Isak tells him and Even nods. He leaves the door open and steps out to go to the bathroom but he stops outside of it. He can't go in there.

In there, Even tried to kill himself. He couldn't stand on that tile, he couldn't. Isak took a step back and he knew Even was watching him because he heard shuffling from the bed.

"Isak?"

"I'm going to use your parent’s bathroom." Isak announces, quickly running off and going to their ensuite bathroom.

When he came back, Even was sat up just slightly.

"What's wrong?" Even asks as soon as Isak gets back. Isak shook his head and just stood there for a moment.

"I... I don't really want to say it right now." Isak whispers, and thinks Even can understand.

"Come here." Even mumbles and Isak nods, walking over to his side and snuggling up under the covers. Isak melts into Even’s side and Even pulls an arm around him, burying his nose into Isak’s hair. Isak sighs, softening in Even’s embrace, revealing in the nature of all this. It was so relieving to finally feel like he could enjoy this, and melt into the feeling completely. He could love Even wholeheartedly without feeling guilty. It felt like how it did before Isak realized they were in love, ordinary and second-nature. It was familiar again.

“We need to talk eventually. When you feel good again.” He whispered into Even’s neck, feeling him nod slightly and then they were drifting off to sleep. 

~~~

Everyday Even was getting better. Isak stayed with him for the rest of the week and on Sunday he was very reluctant to leave.

“Issy, I’m feeling better. Not… completely but… you need to go to school.” Even told him that night. Isak hummed, looking over Even as he crossed his legs, sitting upright across from Isak.

“Will you try and text me whenever you’re awake?” Isak asked, gingerly. Even had been able to stay awake for little longer each day that passed, which was a good sign but Isak didn’t want him to feel like he had to do anything.

“I’ll try. For you.” Even smiled. Isak leaned in and pecked a soft kiss to his lips, lingering for a moment before pulling away completely. “Isak.” He stopped, turning back to him. “I promise… I’m feeling better every day because… I have you. Right?” He sounds so anxious, Isak lets out a tiny laugh.

“Of course you have me. You dummy.” He teases, leaning down from where he’s standing by the bed to kiss Even once more. Even smiled at him and he looked so incredibly soft, Isak had to reach out and touch. He grazed a hand across Even’s face and smiled down at him, with probably the most love-sick dopey smile ever, but he didn’t care right now. _Even is getting better_.

Begrudgingly, Isak left, going home to his own bed which now didn’t feel as lonely. Now he wasn’t crying about losing Even. He didn’t have to worry about any of that anymore. Now he could sleep soundly, dreaming of his love.

~~~

It only took a week before Even was sitting up on his bed, watching The Get Down and saying the lines along with the characters. Isak stood in the doorway for a moment before Even noticed him and his smile grew wide.

“Hi.” Even grinned, and Isak tried his hardest to bite back a huge smile.

“Hi.” Isak greeted, dropping his school bag on the ground and approaching him. Even wrapped his arms around Isak’s waist. “Everything good?” Even just smiled at him.

“Better. I feel a lot better.” He tells him and Isak lets himself grin from ear to ear. Even tilts his chin up and Isak kisses him sweetly, noticing how he’s showered.

“I actually have a lot of work to do.” Isak tells him, between peppering kisses on Even’s mouth.

“Can’t it wait? It’s Friday.” Even’s arms tightened around his waist.

“No, you can’t hold me back from my studies. I’ve got to work.”

“Oh, so that’s how it’s going to be?”

“It’s not weird that I’m working!” Isak giggles, “I’m thinking of our future.” Even laughs and Isak feels his heartbeat quicken. “Someone has to.” He teases. Even let out another laugh and shakes his head. Isak leaned down to press another warm kiss against his lips.

“I like this.” Even mumbles.

“What?” Isak questions, locking his fingers together around Even’s neck.

“Just… being with you.” He says, leaning in to kiss Isak once more. “It’s nice to just kiss you without thinking about it. I know I can just… do it.” He smiles again.

“I know what you mean.” Isak mumbles. “And… you can tell me if you don’t want to talk about this right now but…” Even hums in acknowledgment. “What am I… to you? Are we still just… best –“

“Isak,” Even laughs, pulling Isak impossibly closer. “I think we can say we’re more than friends.” But Isak just looks at him, quirking an eyebrow. Even smiles, tone sounding teasing and his eyes playful. “Issy, will you be my boyfriend?”

Isak smiles brightly, making Even laugh. “Only if you’re mine.” He teases and Even’s smile never leaves his lips.

“Of course.” Even huffs out a laugh before pulling Isak’s lips to his. They eventually separate, Even sitting back to watch the show and Isak laying on his stomach, typing into his computer. They chilled in silence until Even turned off the TV and laid down next to Isak.

“You’re distracting me.”

“I haven’t done anything.” Even laughs. “I’m tired though. I’m gonna nap.” Isak nodded as Even picked his duvet up off the ground and curled it around him. Isak looked over to see Even closing his eyes and smiled at him sweetly. “I love you.” Even murmured, making Isak blush.

“I love you more.” He grinned, another dopey smile spreading onto his lips. Even smiled privately as he drifted into sleep as well.

Isak continued to do his work, listening to Even’s slow breathing. It was incredibly comforting, and soon Isak was putting his things away and curling under the sheets next to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave a comment for me so i know if i should continue writing this
> 
> thank you for reading


	14. It's Our Movie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Him? You’re fucking Even?” Julian spits, looking between the two of them. Isak’s head whips back to look at him, with a shocked glare. “You’re such a dick.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is sexual content at the end of this chapter but try not to completely skip through it, at least skim it, you know? thanks pals.
> 
> but if you like that sexy stuff you pervs, have at it.
> 
> anyway thanks for reading this lol
> 
> (also the timeline is fucKed but just don't even pay attention to that, thanks.)

As soon as school was out, Even was completely back to himself. He was hanging out with his friends again, writing down film ideas and drawing. He was playing music again and singing in the kitchen along with the radio. He was back to a normal sleeping schedule and everything was good again. Isak was happy, Even was happy. It was all good. Now, just because it’s summer doesn’t mean the parties have stopped. It was mid-July when Isak, Jonas, Mahdi, and Magnus were pregaming together, getting ready for a party Eva was throwing.

“Is Even going?” Magnus asks. Isak nodded, drinking his beer.

“Yeah, he’s with his Bakka friends now.” Isak tells them and they all hum.

“But he’s still gonna transfer to Nissen right?” Jonas questions, making all three boys look over at him.

“Yeah.” Isak tries to bite back a smile at the reminder but the boys catch on anyway. The boys start badgering him, making dumb “ooo”ing noises and poking at Isak. He rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”

“So you guys are… like actually together now, right?” Mahdi asks.

“And don’t bullshit us.” Jonas points at him.

“Yeah, we’re… We’re actually together now.” He nods and they all whoop and holler.

“So you guys seriously we’re dating last year?” Magnus asks, eyebrows crinkling together.

“It wasn’t official or exclusive or anything. It was just like... yeah.” Isak shrugs.

“But you’re together now.” Jonas says, smiling, nudging at Isak’s shoulder.

“Yeah.” He blushes again, causing the boys to tease him again.

They leave for the party and as soon as they’re tipsy, Isak realizes he’s way drunker than he meant to get. Isak promised that if Even stopped smoking than so would he, and they also agreed to cut back on alcohol but Isak hadn’t gotten drunk in a while. He knew Even wouldn’t actually be mad at him. As they got to Eva’s house, Isak instantly began looking for his boyfriend. The boys all dispersed, going to look for girls to hook up with, surely. As Isak was looking around, he was suddenly standing in front of Julian Dahl. Or rather, Julian Dahl was standing in front of him, pressing against him. Isak giggled, stepping away and hitting against the wall.

“Hey, Isak. You look great.” Julian smirked, looking Isak up and down and fidgeting with the beer can in his hands.

“Thanks, you – you too.” Isak stuttered, not really knowing what else to say.

“You know, I’m going to Nissen now, right? I didn’t really see you last year.” He says.

“Oh, yeah. I was kind of busy.” Isak tells him, looking up to try and find Even but he

“You’ve gotten so much taller. I just realized I haven’t spoken to you in a while, what’s been going on?” Julian asks, smirking at him. Isak raises his eyebrows, a little bit surprised he hadn’t heard.

“Not much, I guess.” He says, trying not to laugh.

“So, do you need another drink?” Julian leans forward and Isak has to laugh, turning his head so he isn’t completely laughing in his face.

“Julian, I have a boyfriend.” He tells him and Julian’s face drops, as he takes a couple steps back.

“Oh. Right.”

“Yeah, sorry man.” Isak shrugs and as if on cue, Isak locks eyes with Even across the room, smiling at him drunkenly. Even quirks an eyebrow, eyes darting to Julian before darting back up but Isak just shakes his head.

“Him? You’re fucking Even?” Julian spits, looking between the two of them. Isak’s head whips back to look at him, with a shocked glare. “You’re such a dick.” He groans and suddenly Isak is getting an (thankfully) empty beer can throw at his face. Isak tries not to laugh as Julian storms off. He stares, in shock and a little bit amusement before Even is blocking his view.

“What just happened?” Even chuckled, snaking an arm around Isak’s waist.

“Julian found out I have a boyfriend.” Isak laughs, leaning into Even’s side.

“You do?” Even teases and Isak giggles, drunkenly.

“Yeah, he’s hot. You should meet him sometime.” Isak smiles and Even seems to realize how drunk he is.

“How much have you been drinking?” Even asks, adjusting the jacket hanging off of Isak’s shoulder.

“I don’t know, a few things.” Isak giggles and Even’s eyebrows raise.

“Let’s get some water.” He slings an arm around Isak’s waist and leading him into the kitchen. Isak stumbles over Even’s feet a few times but they make it through the crowd, Isak practically laying on top of Even. He leans against the counter, watching as Even rummages through the cabinets to find a glass.

“Even…” Isak whines, just wanting him to be close again. He grabs at Even’s arms until he’s looking at him with raised eyebrows.

“I’m trying to get you water, Issy.” Even sighs fondly at Isak’s grabby hands.

“I just wanna tell you something…” Isak slurs slightly, “Sometimes it makes me really sad that you weren’t my first kiss so I pretend that Julian doesn’t exist and you were.” Even smiles at him fondly.

“Well, maybe I can be the last person you ever kiss.” Even suggests, with an adorable love-sick smile on his soft face.

“You better be.” Isak huffs dramatically, making Even laugh and pull him into his arms.

“You’re such a lightweight.” Even sighs. Isak scoffs but doesn’t argue when Even finally finds a glass and hands him the water. Then a girl walks into the kitchen, opening the fridge to get a beer, and the air suddenly changes as she notices Even, staring him up and down. Isak watches, almost as confused as Even.

“Um, can I help you?” Even asks. She glares.

“You’re the crazy kid from Bakka, right?” She questions, voice nasally and tone sounding incredibly snobby. Isak doesn’t even look to see Even’s face at the comment, he just slams his glass down.

“He’s not crazy, you fuck.” He practically shouts. The girl places her hands on her hips, raising her overdone eyebrows. Isak isn’t a makeup artist but that has to be too much, right?

“Oh really? So normal people burst into classrooms, shouting something about – “

“I don’t care what you think normal is, but he’s not crazy. Don’t be such an ignorant prick.” Isak refrains from pushing her away because he knows he doesn’t have control over his strength in his drunken state.

“Whatever, he still ruined my best friend’s notebook by bumping into her water bottle.” She sneers and Isak gives her an incredulous look, crinkling his eyebrows together.

“So that’s why you think it’s appropriate to call someone crazy, what the fu-“

“I’m really sorry about that… I really didn’t mean to do any of that stuff.” Even apologized, placing his hands on Isak’s shoulders to try and pull him back. Isak shrugged him off.

“Whatever.” The girl growls, stomping off. Isak groans.

“Ugh, I hate that. How can people say that shit?” He groans, running his hands through his hair. Even carefully turns Isak around to face him.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Even says, voice quiet.

“It’s not okay. You don’t deserve this.” Isak tells him, feeling as though his head was throbbing and he no longer wanted to get even drunker. Even gave him a soft smile though, and Isak sighed.

“Let’s just forget about it. That’s what I do.” Even says and Isak feels a frown grow on his face. “Hey, Isak, it’s okay. Really. I’m fine.”

“I’m happy you’ll be at Nissen this year.” Isak nods, forcing a smile onto his face. He just wants this to blow over. He doesn’t want Even to have this constant reminder of these events when assholes walk up to him and ask about it. Isak just wants Even to be happy.

“Me too.” Even pecks Isak’s lips, making a real smile cross over his face. They stand in the kitchen for a while, Isak drinking a couple glasses of water, and Even raving about a movie that’s coming out next month. Eventually, they go pack into the party and Even gets Isak to dance with him. They probably embarrass themselves as they dance horribly to the Drake song blasting through the speakers but Isak doesn’t care. Isak doesn’t care about embarrassing himself anymore because it usually makes Even laugh and Isak loves his beautiful laugh.

After the party, they go back to Even’s and make out slowly in his bed like they’ve done a million times before. This time though, it’s charged. The air around them isn’t tense with confusion and mutual pining, it’s charged in the best way possible because now they’re in love. They giggle into each other’s mouth occasionally and Even somehow continues to pull Isak further on top of him until all his weight rests on the older boy.

When a moan falls out of both their throats at the brush of friction their crotches together give, they freeze. Even breaks their silence when he grinds up again and Isak let's out another moan.

"Fuck, I missed that sound." Even moans, sucking onto Isak's bottom lip and his voice springs him into action. Isak spreads his legs slightly and grinds down against Even's hips. They melt into an easy rhythm, moaning and whimpering into each other's mouths. Their hands explore all over the other's body until suddenly Isak's fingertips are dipping below Even's jeans, not far enough but enough for Even to pull their lips apart and look down.

"What are you –“

"I just... want more." Isak murmurs, avoiding Even's eyes.

"How much is... more?" Even asks, trying to figure out Isak's boundaries. Isak blushes and instantly Even is brushing his lips across his heated skin.

"Just... boxers?" Isak whispers and Even smiles.

"If that's what you want." Even says and it kind of sounds like a question, so Isak nods. "Okay. Can I?" and then Even's fingers are brushing under the hem of Isak's shirt. He shivers and nods again.

"Yeah." Isak confirms and Even slowly pulls Isak's shirt off and then he's doing the same to Even. All at once, Even's hands are on his bare waist and his lips are brushing all along his collarbones. Isak's breath is already speeding up. He sits up, slightly out of Even's reach and awkwardly begins to unzip Even's pants and pull them down, with Even's help, and then practically ripping his own off. Carefully, Isak grinds against Even and a moan ripples through his body. He can feel Even's hard, thick cock against his own and it feels like complete bliss. Slowly, wordlessly, they rub against each other, just feeling the way the other is quickly becoming rock hard.

"Fuck, Isak..." Even breaks the silence, moaning lowly and his voice sounds raspy and incredibly sexy. Isak moves faster, and a little harder, leaning down and kissing at Even's jawline. Even's hands are rubbing all over his back and his chest, as Isak's are firmly set on Even's smooth waist.

They fit into a rhythm so perfectly that Isak feels himself let go completely. He connects their lips, breathing in Even's moans, spurring him on to grind harder and faster until they're practically rutting together.

"Touch me." Isak moans, licking Even's full bottom lip. Even blushes deep pink and Isak finds it all so attractive.

"Are - Are you sure?" Even whispers and Isak nods, furiously. "You... You can touch me too... If you want." and Even sounds so nervous it makes Isak want to laugh but instead, they both slide their right hands down the other's body. It's almost freaky how in sync they are when their hands slip underneath each other's boxers, coming into contact with their cocks. Isak moans with Even, as their fingers trace over the other boy's features. Isak softly runs a hand over Even's dick, making Even tense up beautifully.

"Fuck how are you so huge?" Isak shudders, feeling Even's fingers do the same, clenching around his own dick perfectly. Even chuckles and honestly how does he look so adorable like this?

"Maybe you should eat your vegetables." Even teases and Isak chuckles until it turns into a low, full moan when Even moves his hand.

"Shit." Isak groans and Even does it again, the little fucker. Isak moves his own hand, up and down and reveals in the fucked out look on Even's face, as he moans deeply. It turns into something of a competition to see who will come first and Isak is so close. Even's fingers are rough and perfectly calloused but the pre-come slipping out of his tip wets the way and Isak wants to melt into the feeling. Instead, he tightens his grip on Even's dick slightly and moves faster, twisting his hand deliciously.

"Oh, fuck, Isak." Even throws his head back slightly and Isak smirks, moving faster until Even's coming onto his hand and even though it feels disgusting and sticky, it's all worth it to see Even's face. He squeezes his eyes shut and his mouth drops open hotly. His moan is so smooth and then his dick is twitching into Isak's hand and going soft slowly. Isak pulls his hand out of Even's pants and reaches for a tissue to wipe off the cum on his palm.

He leans in and starts kissing all over Even's face until his grip on his dick is too much to ignore.

"Even." He moans and that's all it takes for him to snap out of his post-orgasmic phase. Even looks up into Isak's eyes with a new kind of lust, hand speeding up on Isak's cock.

"Fuck, you're so hot baby." Even groans, leaning up to catch Isak's mouth between his lips. He breathes heavily against him as his hand grips him perfectly. Isak feels a warm knot fill his stomach and he had forgotten how much he missed this.

His moans brush against Even's skin as he leans down to connect their lips and Even just speeds his hand up. Isak feels dizzy and a bit delirious when he begins to fuck up into Even's tight grip.

"Fuck," He breaths, pulling apart from Even's lips, "I'm gonna - I'm gonna cum. Even. Even."

"Yeah, baby, cum. Cum all over my hand. Come on." Even practically growls, hand quickening it's already fast past. Suddenly Isak feels the knot in his stomach come undone and he's shouting out a low moan. Even keeps moving, effectively bringing Isak into a beautiful post-orgasm haze. He slumps down next to Even, half still on top of him but shifting so that most of his weight is on the mattress. Isak moans one last time when Even pulls his hand off of his cock and then his eyes are closed.

Twenty minutes later Isak opens his eyes and immediately feels sticky all over, even if it's just in his underwear. Groaning, he sits up and climbs off of Even.

"Where are you going?" Even says, voice muddled with sleep. Isak turned to see Even just waking up from a power nap as well.

"I need a shower." Isak says, rubbing his eyes with the hand that didn't still have some of Even's cum on it.

"You know where it is..." Even mumbles. "I'll shower after you." Isak nods and goes to Even's dresser. He steals a pair of boxers and some sweatpants, not bothering with a shirt when Even's parents were on a trip to see family Even had never met and didn't care to meet.

Isak walked into the hallway and again, froze in front of the bathroom. He hadn't stepped foot in that bathroom for a very long time. He never wanted to, ever again. He didn't want to ever see the tile Even laid on when he was moments away from death.

He felt Even's eyes on him the longer he stood there but he couldn't force himself to move.

"Issy?" Even asked, and Isak heard shuffling that meant he had sat up in bed.

"I'm just gonna... Shower in the other one..." He stuttered, tripping over his words before fleeing the hallway. Quickly he made his way across the house to Olivia and Daniel's ensuite bathroom and there he was able to calm his racing heart. He clambered into the shower and cleaned himself, relaxing under the warm water and the reminder of his intense orgasm from earlier.

Once he got back to Even's room, the relaxation in his muscles had dissipated. Even was sitting on the bed, wet hair falling over his face as he scribbled on a piece of paper. He must've showered while Isak was.

"Why won't you go into that bathroom?" Even asked, voice completely blank of emotion. Isak froze in the doorway, shifting his weight anxiously.

"I don't... really want to talk about it right now..." Isak tried but Even put the paper away and stood up.

"Isak. You have to talk to me."

"I don't _have_ to do anything..." Isak grumbled defensively and it made Even sigh a bit exasperatedly.

"Isak, it's been months, you can't avoid the bathroom forever." Even said, voice soft. Isak fidgeted with the wet towel in his arms. He didn't know what to say so he just continued to burn holes through the ground with his unwavering gaze. "Baby, I'm fine. Look at me, I'm okay. Look at me, please."

Isak just glanced at Even's chin before averting his eyes. It was too much to think about right now.

"Isak, you have to talk to me about whatever is going through your head right now." Even stepped slightly closer and his presence was comforting. Isak let it a shaking breath.

"I'm thinking that I never want to... see that floor or... touch it..." Isak stutters, unintelligibly.

"It's just tile, Isak. It's just a floor, it's not a -"

"It reminds me how badly I hurt you..." Isak huffs, interrupting him. He looks up to see Even's wide eyes. "And I'm not trying to make your issues about me, but... But your mom was saying you thought I hated you and - and I don't want to remember you feeling that low. I don’t want to think about you not being... alive." His eyes had started to sting and Even was getting slightly blurry as tears filled his eyes.

"Isak... That's over now. I know you love me, I promise I do. I know." Even's voice sounded choked and once Isak blinked and the tears dripped down, he saw glossy tears in Even's eyes as well. "I want to be alive now, I promise. You don't need to worry about me."

"I love you," Isak shrugs, "and I don't want to step foot into that bathroom." Even hummed, bringing a hand forward and intertwining their hands so naturally.

"What if you saw me in it now?" Isak looked back up at him, raising one eyebrow. "You know, saw me being all alive and then you wouldn't think about anything else."

"I... I don't know." Isak shrugged. Even hummed again and turned him around, brushing past him and opening the bathroom door. Isak watched as he turned on the light and stood in the middle of the floor, staring back at him. He spread his arms out with a bright smile. Isak couldn't help the small chuckle that burst out of him.

"See?" Even twirled around, making Isak chuckle again. "Come here."

Isak hesitates though. He barely takes a step forward, staring at Even’s bare feet on the tile. His face must not be doing anything to conceal his emotion, because Even steps closer. He looks up to see a frown on Even’s face.

“Isak, you can’t live in the past forever.” Even whispers, holding out a hand.

“Fuck you,” Isak says, but there isn’t an ounce of anger in his tone. Instead of storming back into Even’s room like he wants to, he takes a step forward. A big step that brings him right under Even’s chin. “I hate this.”

“Now we can make a new memory in here.” Even smiles and Isak shoves his shoulder gently.

“Stop being so cheesy, this isn’t a movie.”

“Yeah it is, it’s our movie.”

“Well I want out.” Isak says, but they both know it’s just a joke. Even brings a finger under Isak’s chin and forces him to look up at him. Even smiles at him so brightly that Isak can’t help but grin up at the older boy.

“I love you, you’re so adorable.” Even coos, placing one hand on Isak’s neck and the other hand pushes back Isak’s hair.

“You’re such a dork.” He rolls his eyes. Even giggles and then raises his eyebrows.

“Remember when I said your nose was weird?” Even asks, and Isak has no idea what he’s talking about. He tilts his head.

“When was that?”

“I was like seven, I think, and you called my hair weird so I called your nose weird.” Even says and Isak rolls his eyes because _why the fuck does this boy remember that?_

“So?”

“Well, that was a total lie. Your nose is like the cutest nose in the universe.” Even pecks his lips against Isak’s smooshy nose, making him crinkle it up which then makes Even kiss it again.

“Well I wasn’t lying, your hair was weird when you were a kid.” Even scoffs, pulling away slightly to place an offended hand on his chest. “What? I like it now.” Isak defends.

“You better.” Even smiles easily, pulling Isak by his hips into his body. Even tilts his head down and rubs their noses together, making Isak smile fondly. “Isak.”

“Hmm?”

“Stop worrying about me.” Even nuzzles their noses together once more and presses his lips to his squishy, adorable nose. Isak nods, for now. He’ll never stop worrying though; that’d be like asking him to stop caring about Even. That’s never going to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this could be the end??? or do you guys want me to continue writing and i could put scenes of them at Nissen together and more things can happen. if you have ideas of things you want to happen, please leave a comment. 
> 
> thanks so much for reading this :)
> 
> UPDATE: New chapter coming soon! I'm trying really hard to get my shit together, I am in college and usually I write during breaks but I really love this story and I want to continue it so I'm gonna try to write on my free days. It's late January while I'm saying this by the way.


	15. Hartvig Nissen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is kind of like a prequel to all the stuff that's going to happen now that they go to the same school

“Are you sure about going to Nissen?” Mutta asked him, as all of them gathered in the kitchen. Yousef and Adam paused their sandwich making to look over at Even. Even sighed, fidgeting with the basketball in his hands.

“I think I just need a fresh start.” He tells them and they all nod. “Besides, you guys won’t even be there anyway, and at least I know people at Nissen.”

“Yeah, like your other half.” Elias jokes and Even just rolls his eyes fondly. “Where is the little kid anyway?”

“Okay, don’t call him a little kid, that makes it so weird.” Even laughs, making Elias put his hands up. “He’s studying with Sana at a coffee place I think.”

“You mean you don’t have a sixth sense that tells you where he is at all times?” Adam says, making the boys laugh like it was the funniest thing they've ever heard.  Even shook his head at these dumb boys he calls his best friends.

“Do you think Nissen will be cool though? I heard they don’t really offer much for media students.” Yousef brings up and Even shrugs.

“Yeah, but I’ll get through this year and hopefully get into college where I can really focus on film. For now, I can make these dumb YouTube videos with you fuckheads.” Even smirked as they shouted at him.

“Hey!”

“Our videos are not dumb!”

“Speaking of videos!” Elias shouts, making everyone turn to look at him. “We should probably get started.” So Yousef and Adam finished making their sandwiches and Even got the camera set up so they could sit in front of it and play another dumb game of ‘Guess The Song’, where they hummed a song and everyone had to guess.

They filmed for about five minutes before the front door opened and Isak’s voice filled the house. All six of them went silent and turned towards the entrance to wait for Isak and Sana to enter. Isak sounded annoyed, which was more amusing than concerning. They all listened carefully.

“-and he actually thought he should ask me!”

“Some boys are so dumb.” Sana agreed. The other five boys all whipped their heads over to look at Even with shocked faces.

“What’d you do?” Mutta mouthed dramatically and Even just raised his eyebrows and shrugged. Before he could defend himself, Sana and Isak walked into the living room where they all were frozen, crammed onto a couch meant for four.

Isak still looked annoyed but he had stopped speaking as soon as they looked at the boys.

“What are you looking at?” Sana snapped and both her and Isak’s annoyed expressions matched up.

“What did Even do?” Mutta blurted out and all of them simultaneously smacked any part of his body they could. Isak somehow looked even more annoyed and confused.

“What? I don’t know. I don’t _think_ he’s done anything.” Isak answered, then looking at Even he said, “What'd you do?” Even chuckled, amused but also a little relieved that he was not the ‘dumb’ boy they were complaining about.

“You walked in here complaining about a dumb boy, and they, of course, assumed that that was me.” Even told him and Isak just groaned.

“No, I’m talking Julian Dahl. He’s so annoying!” Isak huffed dramatically, and if he stomped his foot then Even would have been reminded of how Isak threw tantrums about twice a day until he was nine.

“Who?” Elias questioned.

“Julian was Isak’s first boyfriend _and_ his first kiss.” Even tells everyone and Isak rolls his eyes as all the boy’s oooed.

“You’re never going to let that go.” Isak groaned, with his head thrown back, showing off his beautiful throat. _Even, get your mind out of the gutter._

“So what did he ask?” Mutta asks. Isak huffs and Sana crosses her arms.

“He asked him out.” Sana answered for him. All the boys looked to Even.

“Ooooo…” They all cooed.

“Do they know you’re taken?” Yousef asks and Isak sighs. He nods.

“He’s seen me all over Even for so long, I don’t understand why he didn’t get the memo.” Isak grumbled.

“And!” Sana added, “Isak reminded him that he has a boyfriend and _still,_ Julian tried to ask him out.” The boys expressed their confused and slight outrage.

“That’s ridiculous man, is this guy stupid?” Adam wonders and Isak just shrugs. Even can’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy and anger. The anger of course from this guy still being interested in his boyfriend and trying to steal him away. The jealousy at the fact that Julian got to see this boy all last semester. At least this next year Even will be able to attach himself to Isak all day, every day. Okay so, when Elias joked that Isak was Even’s other half, it wasn’t much of a joke. If anything, Even would absolutely love to have Isak glued to his side.

There’s a slight silence before Isak turns to the camera.

“Are you guys making one of your dumb YouTube videos?” Isak asks, making all the boys yell at him will Even laughed.

“It’s not dumb, okay!” Mutta shouted and Isak just rolled his eyes.

“Okay, sure. We’re gonna go up to Sana’s room.” He said, looking right at Even. He nodded and reached forward to grab Isak’s wrist and pull him forwards. Isak had no choice but to trip and basically fall into Even’s lap.

“Just because you called it dumb, and I’m the only one who can do that, now you’re gonna be featured in the video.” Even told him, wrapping his arms around Isak’s waist when he struggled to break free.

“No, I don’t want to be a part of it!” Isak protested as the other boys helped pin down his legs. Even began kissing all over Isak’s face.

“Say hi to YouTube baby,” Even teased, and Isak froze, groaning

“Hi YouTube.” He mumbled, like a petulant child. Even pecked a wet kiss on his cheek before letting him go and Isak quickly wiggled off of him and walked away with Sana to her room.

“He’s so adorable.” Mutta sighed, making everyone erupt into laughter. Even couldn’t help but feel thankful for his best friends.

~~~

Once school started, Even realized he was seeing a whole other side of Isak. Both of them hadn’t been to school together in so long. They hadn’t ever been able to see each other in their high school personas. Even suddenly realized he had never even met this Isak. This Isak that is obsessed with using every second of free time he had to studying. It was the first day of school and Even was listening to Isak’s study plan being figured out.

“So on Monday’s and Tuesday’s we’ll make flash cards.” Isak tells Sana, while Even leans against the lockers next to Isak’s lockers. It was kind of adorable to see this geeky side of Isak but, seriously? It was the first day of school.

“Well what about notes? Shouldn’t we do notes on Monday then flash cards Tuesday?” Sana questions and Isak claps his hands together once.

“Yeah, you’re right. So notes on Monday, flash cards on Tuesday, charts on Wednesday, and study all that on Thursday and Fri-“

“Can’t you guys take a break?” Even asked. Isak turned to look at him like he was an idiot. Even looked down to see Sana giving him a matching glare.

“Do you want to see us fail?” Isak questions.

“We’re trying to be doctors, Even, not play with cameras and upload to YouTube.” Sana sassed and Even didn’t expect to be personally attacked. He put his hands up innocently.

“Alright, no need to come for me. I’m just saying, why burn yourselves out? You’re the smartest people in the school. Why not have some fun once in a while?” Even suggested and they both looked like they had no idea what he was talking about.

“Even.” Sana sighed, pursing her lips together. “If we had fun, we wouldn’t be the smartest people at Nissen.” Even had to admit, that she was right.

“Alright, I surrender.” He sighed, leaning back against the lockers to listen to them continue to plan out their entire study plan for the next three units. Even let his eyes wander around the hallway to down at the other end where none other than Julian Dahl was already staring back at him, surely surprised to see him there. Even smirked at him and gave him an obnoxious wave. He watched as Julian rolled his eyes and slammed his locker, storming off in the opposite direction. Even chuckled to himself.

“Okay, let’s go. We have to stop at my house first.” Isak says, making Even turn back to him.

“Okay nerd.” Even teases, fondly. Isak rolls his eyes and Even can’t help but press a tender kiss against his boyfriend’s temple. “I love this.”

“What?” Isak giggled, blushing under the attention. Even smiled fondly.

“Being around you all the time. I love seeing all these different sides of you.” He told him and Isak just scoffed.

“Babe, it’s barely second period.” He said, shaking his head. Even just pressed another kiss to his forehead.

“That reminds me, I should go to class.” He tells him and Isak hums an agreement. Even promises to see him at lunch and finally walks away to get to class. As he walks down the hall it feels kind of good to have all eyes on him like he’s this mystery. Having a fresh start felt like a breath Even didn’t know he needed.

At lunch, Even saw another side of Isak. The ‘bro’ side. Even watched in amusement as Isak called bullshit on Magnus’ crazy stories while Even realized he had never really hung out with Isak’s friends like this. It was always at parties and Jonas at the skate park when they were kids but never as a sober group. Even liked it; he liked Isak’s choice of friends. Except for-

“Adrian, hey, how have you been?” Isak suddenly blurted out, waving over a guy Even had only met once. It was at that party that finally pushed him over the edge. Isak making out with this guy, grinding against him and later insinuating that they may have gone further. Isak had once been interested in this guy and now they’re friends. Even didn’t understand it but apparently the guys started talking to him at a party this summer and now they’re all best buds. _Isn’t that nice_ , Even thought bitterly. He couldn’t help but feel jealous, watching all the guys do their dumb bro handshakes with the guy. Even watched with a glare as Isak pulled up a chair for Adrian.

Adrian locked eyes with Even and raised an eyebrow. “Hey man, sorry, we haven’t met. I’m Adrian.” He extended his arm for another bro-shake. Even begrudgingly gave in.

“Even.” He said, with a tight-lipped smile. “I’m Isak’s boyfriend.” He added, and Adrian raised his eyebrows at that, nodding with an odd smile on his face.

“That’s nice.” Adrian said and Even hummed, while placing a hand on Isak’s thigh.

“Even’s also the coolest guy ever, I don’t know why he’s settling for Isak!” Magnus basically shouts, making the boys laugh, and Isak let out an offended scoff. After that, they moved on, talking about girls and parties and how awful it feels to back at school. Even couldn’t help but watch as Adrian very obviously flirted with Isak. The little touches and the fact that he couldn’t take his eyes off of Isak. Even couldn’t exactly blame him, Isak was beautiful, even while he was scarfing down a mostly bread sandwich. Even couldn’t blame Adrian for acknowledging that his boyfriend was breathtaking but see, Even kind of felt a bit furious that this guy had once had Isak in his arms and their lips connected and it made Even squirm.

“Can we get coffee after school?” Isak’s voice suddenly filled his brain and Even looked down to see his boyfriend looking up at him with his pretty doe eyes. Even snapped out of his jealous thoughts.

“Yeah, baby.” But he couldn’t help but add a ‘baby’ in there. Isak smiled and leaned forward to kiss his cheek sweetly.

“Ugh, you guys are cute.” Magnus pouted.

“Why the disgusted tone?” Mahdi questioned and Magnus just crossed his arms like a child.

“They’re so cute and I’ll never have that.” Magnus grumbles, making all of them laugh.

“Maybe you’ll meet your dream girl on Friday.” Isak said, but it sounded like he was teasing.

“Friday?” Even asks, sweeping an arm up Isak’s back, rubbing his shoulder a little.

“Yeah, weren’t you listening?” Isak asks. Even shakes his head with a little smile. “Eva’s throwing a back to school party.”

“That girl will find any reason to throw a party.” Mahdi says with a shake of his head.

“You can invite Elias and the guys, if you want.” Isak suggests, leaning into his side a little more. Even shrugged. All the boys turned back to their earlier conversation about Magnus’ lack of charm with the ladies but Isak’s eyes stayed on Even.

“Hey, you.” Isak muttered, making Even look over at him. Isak leaned closer. “You okay? Why weren’t you listening?” He looked a bit concerned and Even hated that.

“I was just distracted, you look really cute today.” Even smiled and even though he got Isak to blush, the concern didn’t really disappear. Isak didn’t have time to continue his questions because the bell was ringing.

~~~

After school, Even waited at Isak’s locker for him, but Sana appeared first. She smiled at Even sweetly before she began to open up her locker.

“How are you, Even?” She asked politely. Even smiled.

“I’m good. Actually, I wanted to ask you something.” Even said, turning more towards her. Sana hummed and looked up at him. “Do you and Isak really need to have that much study time?” He asked, and Sana chuckled, rolling her eyes.

“Isak and I take this very seriously, Even. We need to have this study plan.” She says. Even sighs a little bit.

“Okay but I don’t want to see Isak get overwhelmed or anything. Sometimes he works himself too hard, and I’m sure you do too.” He tells her and Sana just sighs.

“What are you trying to say?” She asks, turning to look at Even completely.

“I don’t know, maybe you guys can just take it a little more chill. Maybe don’t study after school every day? Just keep in school?” Even suggests.

“I’ll think about it.” Sana tells him, and then looks over his shoulder. Even instinctively looks behind him to see Isak coming up, looking beautiful as ever. Even greets him with a kiss on the cheek and Isak smiles. He watches Isak ask Sana about her day, mentioning how weird their biology teacher seems and then Isak is reaching for Even’s hand so they can leave.

~~~

“So what’s up?” Isak asks him and Even gives him a confused look with eyebrows raised. They had basically just sat down at KB with their drinks. “Come on, you were all distant during lunch and I know it’s not because I ‘looked good’.” Isak says with an annoyed tone. Even just sighs.

“You’re friends with that guy.”

“Adrian. Yeah, so what?” Isak looks a little fed up and Even can’t help but hate that he’s made his boy annoyed.

“Isak, it just kind of feels uncomfortable knowing you guys hooked up and now, what? You’re just buds?” Even questions. Isak huffs.

“I don’t like him or anything! I didn’t even like him that much when I hooked up with him, I was high and drunk.” He defends and he looks genuinely hurt. “Honestly Even, do you really think I’m interested in anyone but you?”

“You were when you decided to hook up with him.” Even mumbled but Isak just scoffed.

“And then immediately went home with you.” Isak pointed out, which yeah, he’s got a point. He continued though, “I’m sorry that I was dumb and kissed someone else while we weren’t even dating. I get that you decided for yourself to never hook up with people but I didn’t get the memo.” Okay, he was mad. Even was still hurt but he didn’t want to fight with him.

“I’m sorry, you’re right.” Even told him, trying to reach for Isak’s hand but he crossed his arms. Even sighed. “Baby, I’m sorry, I trust you. I know you aren’t going to cheat or anything but… what about Adrian? What if he starts asking you out like Julian or something? Also I just realized that their names sound kinda similar, isn’t that odd?”

“Even.”

“Sorry. But, what if Adrian is just hanging around cause he thinks he has another shot with you?” Even suggests and Isak just huffs out a breath of air again.

“Why does it matter if other guys like me? I don’t like them.” Isak says and Even can’t disagree.

“It just…” Even stutters. “I don’t want other guys looking at you and getting to spend time with you at lunch.” He admits, and this finally cracks an amused smile out of Isak.

“Well now you can keep him in check when you join us for lunch, right?” He says and Even smiles fondly.

“I like being able to see you all the time now.” He tells him, honestly.

“Really? You aren’t getting sick of me?” Isak asks, tentatively, as if that could happen. Even rolls his eyes and groans.

“Isak, I’ve known you since you were in diapers and saying my hair looked like a fluffy baby duck on my head. I’m pretty sure we’re past the point of ever getting sick of the other.” Even says, and Isak smiles so wide that it probably hurt his cheeks a little bit. Even loved that kind of smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanK yOUUUUUUU for reading, sorry for any mistakes, it's like 1am and i'm really sick. if you have any events or ideas you want to happen, please comment because bitch i don't really have a plan. love you thanks for reading bye


	16. This Isn't Fight Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Why have you been so sappy recently?” Isak mumbles, trying to hide his blushing face. Even giggles happily.
> 
> “I just want to make sure you know how amazing you are. I feel like I don’t tell you as often as I should.” He tells him truthfully and Isak just shakes his head.
> 
> “You’re such an idiot,” Isak says fondly, before tilting his head up and stretching to kiss Even chastely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait! please leave a comment and i hope you enjoy this chapter!

Sometimes Isak was struck with the overwhelming feeling of familiarity. Lying in bed with Even never felt different, even after everything that’s happened. Even after falling in love and growing up together. It felt so familiar. It felt good.

“So which one?” Even asked, and Isak suddenly realized that Even has been talking for the last couple minutes.

“What?” He blurts out and Even sighs.

“Were you even listening to me?” Even groans. Isak blushes, but this was hardly the first time either of them tuned the other out in favor of staring at them. Even just looked so beautiful in the soft light from the laptop with messy, tousled hair. It was 22:14 on Thursday and they should be sleeping but going back to a healthy sleep schedule for school was pretty difficult after a summer of going to sleep at 2 and waking up at noon every day.

“I’m sorry, what were you saying?” Isak asks, rubbing his eyes. Admittedly, after being at school all day and doing homework all afternoon, Isak was kind of tired. Even gestured to the laptop.

“I just described both of the plots of “Definitely, Maybe” and “How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days” and you weren’t even listening.” Even whines. “Just pick a movie.”

“Uh, the one with the cute guy in it.” Isak tries but Even chuckles, throwing his hands up.

“They both have cute guys! How am I supposed to choose between Ryan Reynolds and Matthew McConaughey?” Even laughs and Isak just sighs.

“I don’t know, I’m too tired.” Isak slumps down on his bed and Even stares at him for a second.

“You don’t want to watch a movie?” Even asks, and Isak just shrugs.

“It’s fine, I don’t care.” He tells his boyfriend while closing his tired eyes. He can hear Even shuffling around and then there are arms around his waist, pulling him close. Isak opens his eyes to see the room in complete darkness. Even kissed his forehead gently.

“You could’ve just said you wanted to sleep.” Even murmurs and Isak just hums.

“It’s still early, I don’t mind if you want to watch something.” He tells him and Even holds him closer.

“No, let’s just sleep.” He says. Isak lifts his head up and purses his lips. Even smiles before leaning down slightly and kissing his lips lovingly. They kissed slowly for a few moments or maybe minutes went by, but it’s hard to tell. Then Isak pulled away and laid his head on his pillow, getting ready to sleep when Even spoke up.

“Isak, I’m so grateful I have you in my life.” He whispered, and Isak felt his heart lurch. He opened his eyes to look at Even and even though he couldn’t see in the darkness, he could make out the sparkles in Even’s bright blue eyes.

“Even – “ Isak tried but Even continued.

“I just… I don’t think I’d be in such a good place without you. You look after me and I couldn’t ask for anything better.” He finished, kissing Isak on the nose.

“Even, I love you. And I’m so thankful for you too.” Isak whispered, emotion making him sound choked up. Isak leaned in and kissed Even on the lips chastely. “Goodnight, baby.” And with that, they fell asleep in each other’s arms.

~~~

Even meant what he said last night when he said Isak looked after him, but now he wanted to show Isak that he could return the favor. Sometimes it felt like Isak always did so much for him and didn’t get enough in return. He wanted some way to show Isak that he cared about him so much but he couldn’t come up with anything that wouldn’t worry him. He couldn’t book a hotel or a trip to get away for Winter break in a few months without Isak thinking there’s something wrong with him.

He _could_ take him out to dinner. As they all sat together at lunch, Isak laughing at something Adrian said, Even planned it all out in his head. After school, they’ll go back to Isak’s house to do homework and instead of ordering greasy pizza or salty Chinese food, they could go to a fancy restaurant in the city where all the rich adults have business meetings. He’ll make Isak feel like a prince. He deserves that, Even thinks.

The bell rings but Even is still staring at the side of Isak’s face. He’s talking to Adrian still, and Even can’t help but continue to feel jealous. What if Isak is more interested in this guy now? _No, stop, Even. Isak told you that that’s not gonna happen. You have to trust him._

Adrian walked off finally and Isak stood to throw away his leftover food before turning to Even who was still sitting. “Even, you coming?”

“Huh?” Even asks, and Isak smiles at him.

“We both have a free period, right?” Isak raises his eyebrows and Even smiles.

“Oh yeah, what do you want to do?” Even asks, standing up and smirking suggestively.  

“Well, I wanna get to the library to study with Sana. We need you to quiz us with our flashcards. Come on.” Isak grabs his hand and pulls him along, making Even groan.

“Isak, are you joking?”

“No?” Isak teases, “What? Did you think I wanted to do something else?”

“Uh, yeah, I kind of had a different idea for our free period.” Even tells him and Isak just laughs.

“Sorry I have aspirations that involve working hard and not making out with my boyfriend in the bathroom of a school.” He teases and Even smiles fondly. He tugs on Isak’s hand and makes them stop in the middle of the emptying hallway.

“I’m really happy that you have dreams and goals. You’re gonna be an amazing doctor, Isak.” Even smiles and Isak gets all flustered, turning red.

“Why have you been so sappy recently?” Isak mumbles, trying to hide his blushing face. Even giggles happily.

“I just want to make sure you know how amazing you are. I feel like I don’t tell you as often as I should.” He tells him truthfully and Isak just shakes his head.

“You’re such an idiot,” Isak says fondly, before tilting his head up and stretching to kiss Even chastely. He leads him down the hallway and they meet Sana in the library. And even if Even is bored out of his mind listening to them bicker and ramble off biology terminology, he still sits there and draws in his notebook. Eventually, Isak and Sana quiet down and Even looked up to see them writing notes down in their notebooks. Isak’s body leans into Even’s and he nonchalantly copies down terms and definitions while Even draws the scene in front of him. He really did feel proud of Isak.

~~~

After school, Isak was rummaging through his locker when he spoke up.

“I’m going to pre-game with Adrian and Jonas then we’re going to some music thing tonight,” Isak says, not showing any emotion in his voice and not even looking at him. Even feels his heart sink.

“Oh,” is really all he can say for a moment. Isak hums. “Wh… Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” He settled for. There was a lot of things he wanted to ask. Isak sighs and that wasn’t the reaction he anticipated. He turned towards Even, but with his head hung.

“They… Adrian told me not to invite you cause there’s gonna be some other guys there and… stuff. I don’t know.” Isak murmured, coughing into his hand afterward. Even stood there, shocked. What did that even mean? Why would he not be invited? _Why would Isak even want to go to this without Even?_ Even couldn’t help but feel incredibly hurt. This twisting feeling in his heart must have shown on his face because Isak couldn’t look at him for long.

“Isak… What?” Even couldn’t exactly form a phrase to express his confusion. “I thought the guys liked me?”

“They do. I just… I tried to reason with them but Adrian wouldn’t budge and Chris – “

“Who’s Chris?”

“What?”

“Who is Chris? And why the fuck do you care about what Adrian says? Why do you even want to hang out with him so badly when I won’t even be around?” Even blurted out, and he didn’t mean to throw up all his questions right then but once he started speaking he couldn’t stop and Isak just looked so guilty. All of this was so confusing. “What’s going on?”

Isak sighed and looked up at him with conflicted eyebrows. He bit his lip before taking in a big breath of air. “I can’t tell you…”

“What?” Even didn’t mean to snap but this was ridiculous. “We tell each other everything, what’s changed? What the fuck is happening?”

“Even, why does it even matter? We didn’t have any plans tonight anyway.” Isak changes the subject and Even feels like he can’t believe this.

“Maybe I had plans.” Even snaps, getting angrier. He leaned down to make eye contact with Isak, who kept trying to avoid his gaze. “Maybe, I went ahead and planned a nice evening for us where we’d go to a fancy dinner and I’d make us wear suits and we’d have a great night and I’d try and show you how much I love you, and how much _I care about you_ , but _no_ , you go have fun with fucking _Adrian_ and whoever the fuck _Chris_ is, without me. I hope you have a grand ol’ time.” Even huffed, and then he walked past Isak, who locked extremely shocked and teary-eyed, and he left. He practically stormed all the way home and locked himself in his bedroom.

His phone was ringing non-stop for an hour before Even finally turned it off and turned on a movie to drown out his thoughts. _How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days._ Maybe not the best choice.

~~~

At about two am, Even was woken up by a knock on the door. He had fallen asleep on top of his covers, fully clothed. As he sat up, he saw the outline of his mother standing in his doorway.

“Mom?” His voice was raspy and sleep ridden. Olivia took a step further, holding her phone in her hands.

“Honey, Isak’s been calling for the last few minutes and I answered. He just needs to talk to you, apparently. It sounds like he’s drunk.” Olivia says and Even sits up immediately. She outstretches her arm to give him her phone. The screen showed that she had been on the phone with Isak for a minute and a half. He took the phone and pressed it to his ear.

“Isak?” Even questioned, and then he heard a whimper. There were cars passing by in the background and heavy breathing.

“Even – “ coughing, and then a whine, “Ev, I need you.” Isak sounded drunk, yes, but he sounded strained. He sounded awful. Even’s heart was racing.

“Wha- Where are you?” Even stood up, struggling to put on shoes in his rising panic. Olivia was looking worried too.

“Oslo.” Isak answers.

“Baby, _where_ are you in Oslo? Oslo’s kind of big.” Even didn’t mean to sound frustrated but this was freaking him out.

“I uh… I don’t know, Even.” Isak has started crying and Even’s heart breaks. “There’s uh… There’s a McDonalds across the street and a KB next to me, and there’s… a bus station. It says the number twelve.” It sounded like every word brought him pain and hurt just to let out but Even nodded.

“Okay, okay. I’m coming to find you. Okay, just stay where you are. I’m gonna hang up and call you on my own phone when I see you, okay?” Even grabs his coat and one for Isak too, just in case, before turning back to his worried mother.

“Okay. That’s good.” Isak breaths out but he’s still crying and whimpering every so often. Even says goodbye and hangs up, handing the phone back to his mom.

“What’s going on?” Olivia demands.

“I have no clue, but I need your car. I’ve gotta find him.” Even tells her, while picking up his phone from the ground and turning it on. _Great, 50 missed calls from Isak._

“Do you need me to come with you? Should I wake up dad?” She questions, but Even’s already shaking his head and going to the front door.

“No, I’ll be fine. I’ll be back soon, hopefully.” Even assures her, before taking her keys and heading out to her car. He feels a bit like he might start hyperventilating soon, or maybe have a heart attack, or maybe this is a panic attack. As soon as he’s in the silent car, he takes a moment. He breathes. Just for a moment.

Then he’s driving as fast as possible to get to the KB in Oslo. He only has to drive around for twenty minutes and pass three KB’s before he sees a boy sitting inside of a bus stop, shaking violently. Even fumbles to grab his phone and calls his boyfriend. The boy picks up his phone and lifts his head enough so Even could confirm that that’s his boy.

“Hello-“

“Isak, I see you. I’m coming.” Even tells him as he parks in a no parking zone outside of the McDonalds. Even shuts off the car and then he’s running across the street to meet Isak, who’s standing now. In the dim city lights, Even can see it. Even in the dark light, Even can see the bruises and dried blood all over his boyfriend’s sweet face. He can see the blood dripping from his nose and lips and Even wants to cry, and he wants to scream. He wants to hit someone – not Isak – but the dick who did this to him.

“Even, I’m sorry.” Isak pleads, and there’s snot mixing with blood and tears coming out of his swollen eye and Even has never seen anyone so hurt in real life. He’s never seen anyone so beaten except for in movies. But this isn’t Fight Club, this is Isak. Isak, his baby.

“What… What the _fuck_ happened?” The raw emotion Even can hear in his own voice makes him realize that he’s started to cry too.

“So – “ Isak started coughing and Even felt himself let out a sob, and he reached out to touch his boy but Isak flinched away. “So much.” He finished but that didn’t explain anything. “It wasn’t a music thing. Adrian… He lied.” Even had so many questions. He wanted to demand answers but now wasn’t the time.

“We need to go to the hospital.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooooo, angsty. guess you'll have to wait till i update to find out what the fuck is going on.
> 
> please comment to motivate me and tell me your thoughts on the story. a lot is gonna happen but if you have any ideas feel free to share them.
> 
> thanks so much for reading!


	17. You're Tearing Me Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you know that scene in Rebel Without A Cause when james dean is like "you're tearing me apart"
> 
> yeah i really love that scene and idk, i think a moment like that might be in an upcoming chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you like this chapter, thanks for reading.
> 
> i don't have a ton of knowledge of hospital's so sorry if that's wrong. i did do research of how people treat these injuries so that info is correct. 
> 
> sorry i'm slow at updating.

Even grabs Isak’s hand to lead him to the car but Isak winces harshly and pulls away. Even feels like his heart is physically tearing itself apart. Isak just avoids his gaze and starts to walk with him. They get in the car and Even knows something must be terribly wrong if Isak isn’t putting up a fight about going to the hospital. Instead, Isak has his eyes shut and he’s breathing heavily. Tears are still streaming down his face unwaveringly. Even’s heart hurts.

“Ev, will they arrest me?” Isak coughs.

“What? Did you do something bad?”

“I’m seventeen and drunk. I thought that was illegal.” Isak murmurs, head lolling back and forth. Even wants to hold him so badly but instead, he drives faster.

“Baby, that’s gonna be the least of their worries.” Even tells him, and his voice sounds so serious, it sends chills through his bones. After a moment Isak speaks again.

“I got hurt.” He mumbles and then he’s coughing again.

“I know, baby.” Even whispers, and thankfully they’re pulling into the hospital parking lot. He basically carries Isak to the ER, not really knowing where else to go, and checking him in. A nurse leads them to a check-up room and starts cleaning up Isak’s bloody face.

In the florescent lights, Isak looks like shit. Even wants to scream. Some evil bag of scum did this. Well, Even didn’t even know. He didn’t even know what happened but his boy was hurt. Hurt so badly that he was flinching away from every one of the nurse’s touches.

“How did this happen Isak?” She asks, in a calm, soothing voice that makes it known she was meant to be a nurse.

“I’m gonna be a doctor one day.” Isak murmurs and the nurse steps back for a moment, in surprise. She locks eyes with Even and gives him a worried glance.

“Oh, really?” She says and Isak just whimpers when she lightly touches his nose. “What happened tonight?” She asks again and Isak’s eyes wander around the doctor’s office.

“Uh... I can’t... I can’t tell you.” Isak stutters, and then he starts coughing and the nurse's eyes go wide.

“Sir, do you know what happened?” The nurse asks, turning to Even, and Even just shakes his head, nervously tapping his fingers against his arm.

“I have no idea, he called me and said he needed me to pick him up and I found him in the middle of Oslo like this. He just said he got hurt and that one of his friends lied to him.” Even explains. He tells her that Isak had some kind of plans and that he doesn’t have any of his friend’s phone numbers. The nurse hums.

“So you have no clue what happened?” She asks Even.

“Well, I have a feeling someone beat him up. I’m not sure who it could be, I don’t really know a lot of his friends.” Even explains and the nurse nods. She turns back to Isak.

“Does it hurt when you breathe?” The nurse asks. Isak stares for a while, before answering. 

“Yeah, like fire,” He says, and Even swears he winces just from imagining how much pain his baby’s in.

“I’m gonna feel around your body to see if we need to do any x-rays, okay?” She days and Isak nods but Even can tell he isn’t all there. She carefully runs her hands down Isak’s sides and he immediately whimpers, flinching away harshly. Even wanted so badly to reach out and hold him. The nurse gave an apologetic look and jerked her hands back. She turned to Even, giving up on trying to speak to Isak.

“We’re going to have to run x-rays, but first I’ll need to call his parents.” She says. “I’ll be right back.” As she leaves, Isak lays down on the examination table. He groans loudly.

“Isak, you’re gonna be okay. I’m sorry you’re in pain.” Even tells him, reaching out to grab his hand but Isak pulls away. Even looks down to see bruises and dried blood on Isak’s knuckles. “At least you got a few punches in.” Even mumbles and Isak just nods. “Who were you fighting?” Isak shakes his head.

“I don’t know.” He whispers, his voice rough. He looked so tired and almost like a different person. Even had never seen this version of Isak and he never wanted to.

The nurse came back a few minutes later and lead Isak away, telling Even to wait where he was. While he waited, Even paced back and forth, trying to wrap his head around everything. Before he could think too hard, a doctor walked into the office.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Olsen, and you are Isak Valtersen’s-“

“Boyfriend.” Even finishes, shaking her hand and letting out a sigh when she smiles brightly at him.

“Okay, so can you tell me what happened while he’s getting his x-rays?” She asks, sitting down in a chair and gesturing for Even to do the same. He sits on the examination table where Isak just was and lets out a breath of air.

“I’m not sure if I can, I don’t really know what happened. He called me to come pick him up after everything happened and he’s pretty out of it.” Even tells her and she hums. She continues to ask questions that Even’s already answered and he tries to infer what happened.

“Do you think this was one of the friends who beat him up?” Dr. Olsen asked, and Even cringed.

“He was with a group that really cares about him, and this one guy who… doesn’t really know him but one guy couldn’t do all of that. Isak… he looks… He looks like he was ganged up on.” Even tries to explain, and the doctor does her best to understand what he means without knowing Jonas and the guys. Before she can ask more questions, the nurse is back with Isak.

“Hello Isak, I’m Dr. Olsen. How are you feeling?” She asks and Isak blinks at her.

“Like shit.” He murmurs, a crinkle between his eyebrows. Dr. Olsen nods.

“That’s understandable, now why don’t we run some tests? We need to check if you have a concussion.” She says, so Even moves from the table and helps Isak sit down carefully. The doctor pulls out a little flashlight and shines it in Isak’s eyes. He flinches away and closes his eyes against the light.

“Too bright.” He slurs and the doctor nods.

“Isak, I’m going to ask you some simple questions, okay?” She says while beginning to examine Isak’s facial injuries. He nods. “When were you born?” Isak is silent for half a minute.

“June 21st, 1999.” He answers, slowly.

“Who is this?” Dr. Olsen asks, gesturing to Even. Isak nods, taking a moment before saying.

“Even. My boyfriend. He’s my best friend.” Isak answers, his words slurring together. Even nods, smiling a little at Isak but he knows this isn’t going well. These were clear signs of a concussion.

“Do you remember hitting your head?” Dr. Olsen asks. Isak’s face scrunches up.

“I hit my head?” Isak asks and the doctor nods, fingers tracing near a gash on his temple that most likely needed stitches.

“Okay,” Dr. Olsen says, turning to the nurse. The nurse then hands her a file. “Let’s stitch this up, he’s going to have to stay overnight.”

“Come on, Isak, follow me.” The nurse says in a chipper tone that doesn’t belong. Slowly, Isak climbed off of the table and followed her, again leaving Even with the doctor.

“Is he gonna be alright?” Even asked, letting his concern show. The doctor nodded as she logged onto her computer and pulled up Isak’s x-rays.

“He has a couple bruised ribs and a concussion so he’ll be able to heal, but he’ll be quite uncomfortable for a while. He’ll need to stay out of school for at least a week and sleep more upright for a few days.” Dr. Olsen continued to tell Even all the ways of treatment for Isak in the next couple weeks and it felt incredibly overwhelming. He cut her off when she started talking about medications.

“I need to call my mom.” He blurted out. She gave him a look.

“Where are Isak’s parents? On the way?”

“No, no they’re both out of town, on business trips. But my mom is his emergency contact. Let me just… She’ll be here soon.” Even stutters, pulling out his phone and ringing her right away. Like he said, she was going to be there as fast as possible.

“How about you go get some clean clothes for Isak while he’s getting his stitches?” Dr. Olsen suggests and that actually sounds like a good idea. He needs to step out of the hospital for a moment. Everything was becoming too much.

Even texted his mom and told him he was running back home before he left. Driving made him feel a little bit better, a little more calm. When he got home, it was silent. So silent that Even felt like he wasn’t allowed to breathe. He leaned against the door and tears began to well up in his eyes. All these emotions and he felt like he didn't even have a moment to process everything.

Quickly he wiped the tears away and went back in to his room to pack a bag. He packed a change of clothes for Isak and one for Even too. He also packed his laptop and headphones, just in case. He let himself stand there in silence again for a moment. This was heavy. All of this was so overwhelming and Even still had no clue what had even happened. He didn’t know if this _was_ Jonas and Adrian who beat him up or if Isak got mugged. He had no idea, and it was tearing him apart.

When he got back to the hospital, the lady at the desk told him Isak was in room 112. Walking in to that room felt suffocating. His parents were there, the doctor was there, the nurse was there and Isak. Isak was there, dressed in a patient’s gown that made him look so small. It hung off his body and showed his collarbones off, making him look tiny. Even hovered in the doorway while the doctor gave Oliva and Daniel directions for treatment and they nodded along. Even just stared at his boyfriend. His boyfriend who had stitches and a bandage on the side of his face. He had a swollen, black and blue eye and his skin looked like it was tinted yellow from the bruises. His lip was busted open and the dried blood still hadn’t washed off yet. His hair looked greasy and out of place, and everything about his appearance made Even so sad.

Then Isak’s striking green eyes were looking back at him and they were just staring at each other. It felt like they had an entire conversation with their eyes. A conversation that only said _I care about you, I love you, I’m sorry I yelled at you earlier, Baby, I love you._

“We’ll leave you to rest Isak, but I’ll be back to wake you up every few hours.” The nurse says and Isak just nods, closing his eyes and leaning his head back slightly but he was propped almost all the way up. Even wished he could save him from all of this.

Olivia and Daniel turn to Isak with worried looks. “Oh baby, what happened?” She asks and Isak just shakes his head. They look to Even but he doesn’t know much more. “Do you want us to stay?”

“No it’s alright, I’ll stay with him.” Even assures them and they nod. Olivia leans down to kiss Isak’s forehead and then they’re leaving. Even lingers for a moment before setting down the bag he brought. Isak lifts his head and watches him.

“I’m sorry I’m an idiot,” Isak mumbled, making Even chuckle a bit.

“Just go to sleep.” He says, pulling out his laptop and headphones. He sits down on one of the chairs in the room and rests his feet on the other chair. He looks over to see Isak already relaxed, breathing slow.

~~~

The next morning Even woke up sprawled out on two hospital chairs that are not meant to be slept on, much less by a lanky teenager. Groaning a little, Even sat up to see a nurse and Isak staring at him. The nurse seemed like she was in the middle of asking him some questions. She turned back to Isak and checked her clipboard.

“Rib pain, 0 to 10? Ten being the worst possible pain.” The nurse asks and Isak thinks for a moment.

“Probably five.” He tells her.

“I’ll bring you some ice.” The nurse smiles and pats his shoulder like a mother would. She got up and left, and Even went to stand next to Isak’s bed. Isak stared down at his hands as he felt Even’s heavy gaze on him.

“I’m starting to remember what happened,” Isak mumbled. Even sighs and feels like he needs to sit down. Instead, he starts pacing around the room, trying to think of a way to make Isak feel better but he just felt so mad and frustrated.

“Just... Explain to me why the fuck I couldn’t come with? Was this Adrian? Did _he_ hurt you?” Even asked and Isak sighed heavily.

“It wasn’t exactly Adrian but…” Isak readjusted slightly. “Even, can you please sit down? You’re making me nervous.” He huffs and pulls a chair up to sit next to Isak. “Okay, I’ll start from the beginning. So, Adrian told me and the boys about this… rivalry that he and Chris Schistad were dealing with. It was this gang, well not really a gang, but a lot of guys who called themselves the Yakuza gang.” Isak rambled and Even put his head in his hands.

“What the fuck, Isak.” Even groaned. Isak continued though.

“So he told us they needed our help-“

“Isak, what the fuck? What did you do? Are you insane?” Even shouted and Isak winced. He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, just continue.” Isak nodded.

“Adrian and Chris told us that there’d be other guys to help us and we all were on board, until they told me not to tell you about it, so of course then I tried arguing with you that you’d be helpful.” Isak sighed and took a second to think. “They convinced me that you’d try to get me not to fight and that you wouldn’t let it happen. So I agreed, because I’m a dumbass.”

“I agree.” Even mumbled, and Isak just sighed again.

“Then on Friday, they tell me to tell you that there’s some music festival and I’m so sorry. I’m sorry that you’re such a fucking great boyfriend and I’m a piece of shit-“

“Isak, stop. We can go on that date some other time. It’s okay.” Even tells him, but Isak shakes his head.

“Don’t forgive me.” He says and he sounds so upset that Even wants to kiss him. He doesn’t though because there’s still a huge gash making his lip look swollen and painful. Isak sighs and runs a hand through his oily hair. “So I was all sad and annoyed that they were going to drag me to this fight and got more drunk than I should’ve gotten. When we were walking to the Yakuza party I asked Adrian where the other guys were and… Adrian told me they backed out. So basically, it was just us six. The Yakuza guys came out when we showed up and there was probably… twenty of them. And obviously we got out asses handed to us but, I was in the middle of it. I don’t remember much but I remember being hit to the ground. After that, it’s all a bit… fuzzy.”

Even stands up and kicks his chair away from him, in a moment of irrational rage. He wants to yell. He really wants to track down these fucking Yakuza guys or even Adrian and this Chris guy. He needs to do something, he needs to-

“Even.” Isak’s soft voice brings him back to Earth. Even had begun pacing and breathing harder. Isak has his hand outstretched and a soft, sad look on his face. Even takes a deep breath.

“I’m sorry, I just…”

“I know.” Isak understands what he can’t explain. Even steps over and sits down next to Isak, taking his good hand and holding it tightly. They stare into each other’s sad eyes for a long moment before Even leans forward and kisses Isak’s forehead lightly. They sat in silence, processing everything and thinking through what to say next until the nurse came back with a bag of ice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just got broken up with and i feel like shit so i'm sorry if it takes a few days to write chapter 18 but i'm trying really hard. 
> 
> please leave a nice comment or something if you like this fic, it really makes me feel a little bit better for a moment. thank you for reading this, i really appreciate it.
> 
> have a good day


	18. Am I Crazy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Even, I’m sorry… I didn’t think this would happen.” Isak says, pleading Even to say something or even just accept his apology. He sighs and glances over at Isak. He’s looking down at his hands and Even has a perfect view of the black eye and stitches.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i've never been to europe so i don't know if there's rest stops but i had a panic attack like that once and i just wanted to write about it idk. 
> 
> so i'm still really heartbroken, but i'm trying to write. i'm sorry i might be uploading a little slow but i hope you like it. thank you so much for reading. also thank you for the nice comments on the last chapter, i really appreciate it. <3
> 
> also also i didn't proofread this so sorry about the mistakes

Later that day, Olivia and Daniel came back to sign the release papers so Isak could leave. Even drove him back to his home in silence. He couldn’t think of what to say to Isak when the only emotion he could comprehend was anger. The last thing he wanted to do was take that anger out on his sweet, fragile boyfriend.

“Even, I’m sorry… I didn’t think this would happen.” Isak says, pleading Even to say something or even just accept his apology. He sighs and glances over at Isak. He’s looking down at his hands and Even has a perfect view of the black eye and stitches.

“Isak.” Even sighs, “I’m not mad at you, I’m pissed that your friends would do this.” He tells him and Isak hums.

“I haven’t even told you the whole story,” Isak murmurs. Even wants to cry, _what else could there be?_ Instead, he just nods and keeps his gaze on the road. When they get to Even’s house, Olivia and Daniel set Isak up in their guest room. All his school books were there and a duffle bag with Isak’s clothes from home.

“We grabbed your school stuff but the doctor said you can’t do any school stuff, so no reading, no studying, and no homework. Okay, Isak?” Olivia says and Isak huffs.

“So what, I just supposed to fail?” He grumbled.

“You’re not going to fail, you’ll be fine.” Olivia pats him on the shoulder and starts telling him about how she knows he and Even usually sleep together but he figured he’d want to be alone sometimes. Isak nods and they leave him alone to unpack, since he’d be staying with them for two weeks. Even hovered in the doorway.

“Are you afraid I’m going to turn to dust or something?” Isak practically growls. “Just come near me, at least touch me, _Jesus_.” He rolls his eyes. Even huffs out a breathy laugh.

“Sorry I just…” He shakes his head. “It’s crazy seeing you so hurt, I’m not used to it.” Even walks into the room slowly, coming closer to Isak.

“Will you just kiss me?” Isak practically whines. Even sighs.

“You have a split lip, it’s gonna hurt you.” He tries to reason. Isak pouts and his eyes fill with tears.

“I hate this!” He shouts, throwing down the shirt in his hand. “My whole body hurts so much and my head feels like it’s too fucking heavy for my body and my boyfriend won’t even kiss me because I look so disgusting!” Isak stomps his foot just like when he was five and wouldn’t get his way. Even’s heart hurts.

“Baby,” Even makes his way to Isak and pulls him into a hug, being careful not to squeeze him too hard. “You’re not disgusting, you’re beautiful and I want to kiss you so badly. I promise I want to but I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I need you to kiss me, Evi.” He whimpers into Even’s collarbone. He leans back slightly and just barely presses their lips together, Isak trying to make the kiss deeper. He winces and leans back though, fresh tears flowing down his face. “Why am I fucking crying?”

“It’s the concussion, it’s making you emotional.” Even tells him, running his hands through Isak’s golden locks. Isak’s eyes flutter closed as he leans onto Even for support.

“There’s a little more to the story. I just don’t want Jonas or someone else telling you but it’s not bad.” Isak mumbles. Even takes a second, nuzzling his face into Isak’s hair and kissing all over his head. He leaves one last chaste kiss on Isak’s lips and pulls back slightly.

“Okay, let’s get this over with.” Even says, gesturing for them to sit on the bed. It feels a little weird not being in Even’s bedroom, but it’s alright. Isak takes a deep breath and takes one of Even’s hands in his.

He plays with his fingers as he speaks, “After I blacked out for a little bit, I think there was police or something that came to shut down the party so everyone ran and I came to a little after that. I was all alone, in so much pain, and my face was bleeding so I just got up and tried walking somewhere. I called you… a lot. And then I called your mom and… yeah.” Isak shrugged, like him being stranded by his friends in Oslo was nothing. Even breathed out a heavy sigh.

“Isak, I’m so sorry. I turned off my phone and fell asleep-“

“No, it’s okay. I understand you were mad at me.” Isak says, dismissively. Even shakes his head, and pulls Isak’s chin up.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” He apologizes. Isak stares for a long moment before he just nods.

“I’m sorry that I went and fought those guys.” He says, tears filling his eyes as if he thought Even wouldn’t forgive him.

“It’s okay, baby. Let’s just sleep, alright?” Even suggests, and Isak nods. They spend time making sure Isak is propped up the right way and that he won’t hurt himself while sleeping. Even snuggled up to his side once Isak was comfortable and he delicately kissed his shoulder. They lied there in silence for what felt like hours until Even noticed Isak’s breathing slow down. Carefully, Even sat up and considered Isak’s sleeping face. He looked soft and so young. Even leaned forward and kissed the side of Isak’s face tenderly. He got up and left the room, deciding to clean the house.

Isak always said cleaning made him feel less stressed, and always made his mind feel better. Even was always the one Isak was stressing about and it’s never really been the other way around so Even doesn’t really know what to do. He doesn’t know what to do when his boy is in pain.

He knows what he wants to do, he thinks while he begins tidying up the kitchen and doing dishes. What he wants to do is find Adrian and the guys and punch them in the faces. He wants to yell at them and make them feel the pain Isak has to deal with. As he angrily vacuums the living room he registers that Isak wouldn’t want him to beat up his friends, even if they completely deserved it. Isak is sweet. Isak also probably didn’t want Even to be getting so worked up about all of this. The whole point of the cleaning was supposed to be that it would calm him down but Even just felt himself thinking too much.

He knew Isak shouldn’t be hanging around that Adrian kid and neither should the other boys. Maybe the bad vibe he was getting from him wasn’t that Adrian was trying to flirt with Isak (which was still a thing) but it was a vibe telling Even that Adrian shouldn’t be trusted. He obviously was the type to disregard his friend’s safety. The more Even reflected on the events, the angrier he found himself.

After an hour of cleaning Even stopped. He drew a quick doodle of Isak and wrote a short note saying he was going to go down to the shop and that he’d be back soon. Instead, Even went through Isak’s phone and found Jonas’ address. He got into his car, gripping the steering wheel tightly and driving to Jonas’ house, in hopes that they can at least talk.

Even got a lot more than he hoped.

When he knocked on the door, Jonas answered with bed head and a broken nose. He squinted his eyes as if that would help him identify if this was real or not. “Even?” He groaned.

“Are the other guys here?” He demanded. Jonas rubbed at his eyes, and Even put together that Jonas must’ve just woken up at three in the afternoon.

“Yeah, Adrian, Mahdi, and Magnus. Hey, is Isak with you?” Jonas asks, gesturing for Even to come into the house. Even stood still on the porch.

“No.” Even practically growled. “Do you realize what you did by leaving him there?” Jonas stared at him for a moment.

“What – I… I didn’t mean to leave him, the police were showing up, I had to run.” Jonas tried to reason, but Even was not having this.

“You’re so-called best friend was lying unconscious, _bleeding_ and you were more concerned about the fucking police?” Even snarled. He stormed into the house, blindly leading himself to Jonas’ living room where the other three boys were laying sprawled out on couches and the floor. “Isak was stranded in Oslo at 2 fucking am and then admitted to the _fucking_ hospital! And here you all are, barely scratched up!”

The boys jolted up, staring at Even with wide eyes and slack jaws.

“Is he okay?” Jonas asked, suddenly more awake.

“No, he’s not okay! He’s got stitches and a concussion and _bruised_ ribs so no, he’s not okay! What the fuck is wrong with you people?” Even shouted, his voice echoing through the living room. The boys slowly began sitting up, but still just gaped at him.

“Bro, we were really out of it. I’m sorry he got hurt but he knew what he was getting in to-“

“No! No, he fucking didn’t!” Even cut off Adrian and his dumbass comments. “He didn’t realize it would be six guys against twenty. He thought he was safe with you guys, and evidentially he wasn’t. He can’t even go to school for the next week, maybe two weeks.”

“Okay, well, we didn’t know this would happen, man.” Adrian said, standing up. Full of uncontrollable rage, Even lunged forward and socked Adrian in the jaw, making him stumble back. Jonas jumped in and held Even back.

“Bro! Are you crazy?” Jonas shouted over Even’s racing thoughts. Suddenly, everything felt like it was too much. He felt cold and extremely hot and everything was just – too much. Moving quickly, Even got out of there. He stumbled to his car and drove off, not able to comprehend where he was going to go.

_Am I crazy? Am I manic? Am I okay?_

Even’s brain felt like it was racing with thoughts but also it was going too slow to actually function. He drove around, mind too cluttered with thoughts to stop and think for a moment before it was all too much and he was pulling into a rest stop on the side of the road. He stumbled out of the driver’s seat, letting his legs collapse so he was sitting awkwardly on the ground. Breath coming heavy and _am I crying? Wait, am I dying? Is this is? Am I suffocating? I can’t get enough air. What is this? Am I okay?_

It felt like hours had passed until Even could feel like enough air was getting into his lungs. He calmed himself down enough to recognize that he had driven himself to a panic attack. It was a mixture of anger, pure frustration, and that question.

_“Are you crazy?”_

Even couldn’t handle it in the moment. It was all too much. Now though, he could breathe. He could relax, and wipe the tears off his face that he couldn’t even feel falling. He thought about Isak. His sweet Isak that was at his home, alone right now. Even needed to get back to him. He needed to hold him and kiss his soft face.

So he slowly got back into his car and drove in silence.

~~~

Even got home to a muffled voice that sounded a lot like Isak talking to someone on the phone. Even sighed, going to the guest bedroom to peak in and see Isak with his laptop open and his phone to his ear.

“-yeah, can you bring me that? Could you come to Even’s after school every day?... Yeah, to study.” Even heard his boyfriend saying, presumably to Sana who probably didn’t know the severities of Isak’s injuries.

“I don’t think so, you sneaky shit.” Even interrupted, making Isak look up at him with a shocked face that quickly morphed into deep concern. With that look, Even realized he probably looked like shit from all the crying and panicking.

“Wha – Even? Where were you?” Isak asked with more worry in his voice than Even has ever heard. Even gave him a sad smile.

“Baby, hand over the phone.” Even told him and Isak didn’t even hesitate which made it known that Even _must_ look like utter shit. He lifted the phone to his ear. “Sana?”

“Yes?” She practically groaned, like she was annoyed with him. Even wanted to laugh, but Isak was looking at him at like he might cry.

“Isak has a concussion and he’s not allowed to be studying or reading. Okay?” Even says.

“Okay. I’ll make sure to collect his work though.” Sana tells him and Even just sighs.

“Alright, goodbye Sana.” Even hung up and dropped Isak’s phone on the nightstand.

“What happened?” Isak blurted out. He reached out and grabbed on to Even’s wrist. He sighed.

“I’m sorry… I went and talked to Jonas and… I punched Adrian-“

“What? Even!” Isak yelled, eyebrows creasing together harshly. Even huffed, taking Isak’s hand in his own. He rubbed his thumb on the back of Isak’s hand to try and calm him.

“I got mad, okay! I’m sorry. He just said some stupid shit and they all seemed so unaffected by the fact that you were hurt. I couldn’t control myself.” Even admitted, which made Isak just look more concerned.

“You couldn’t… control yourself?” Isak stuttered, a scared look in his eyes that made Even want to run away. He started to shake his head.

“Yeah but I… I’m fine now. I was just mad and overwhelmed. I had a panic attack and then I calmed down. I’m okay. I promise. I feel calm. Tired, even.” He tells him and it doesn’t feel like he’s lying. He’s being truthful, he really feels calm. Isak took a deep breath.

“Are you sure?” Isak questioned, still looking a tad concerned but no longer scared.

“I’m sure.” Even told him, staring intensely into his bright green eyes. “Now, how about you walk around a little bit and I make us some dinner.” Isak nods, with a little smile on his face.

“Okay.” Isak let Even lift him up from the bed and hug him gently. He took a second to breathe him in.

“I love you so much, I can hardly stand it.” Even whispers, kissing the space behind Isak’s ear.

“Don’t quote Brokeback Mountain to me,” Isak laughs quietly. “I thought we were making our own movie.” He hums, kissing Isak down his delicate neck.

“You’re right, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true.”

“I love you too, Even.”

Even’s heart expands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked this chapter. someone asked for isak being jealous, that's gonna be coming because i also like that idea. also someone asked for smut, and that also will come soon but obviously i feel like the angst should kind of wrap up and then i'll add some smut, if you guys want it.
> 
> please leave a comment, it really makes my day so much better.


	19. It's Over Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> isak tries to leave, they shower and cry together, and then jonas comes to apologize

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, sorry it took so long for me to update. i'm still not feeling well but i've planned out the way the rest of the story is going to go and i can confirm that there's gonna be a lot more chapters. like a lot. i hope you're enjoying this story so far, and thank you so much for reading it.

The next morning Isak’s brain feels a little less like it’s pounding in his skull. Sleep still didn’t come easy and he had been waking up all night. He looks over to see the source of his stress. Even’s sprawled out next to him, snoring lightly. Isak wished wholeheartedly he could cuddle him or let Even hold him tightly but his ribs still felt sore and his chest felt like it was being pressed down. He watched Even sleep with sadness in his heart. Isak could see it; Even was spiraling yesterday, and it was all because of him. Isak knew that mania wasn’t always triggered, but this had to have been. Even couldn’t control himself. He couldn’t stop himself from punching Adrian in the face and then having a full-blown panic attack. He could tell Even had calmed down and was able to sleep soundly but Isak couldn’t handle this. It’s not supposed to be like this.

Isak is supposed to be the one to look after him. That’s how it’s always been.

Carefully, Isak lifted himself out of bed. It took more effort than normal, but he began to pick up his things around the guest room and pack them up. He can’t stay here. He can’t continue to be a burden to Even and his parents. The concussion was making him emotional; he was tearing up just shoving his clothes into his duffle.

Isak let out a sniffle and zips up his bag, but the noise bounces off the walls and suddenly Even is shuffling in the sheets. Isak stands to try and make a run for it but Even is already sat up and staring at him with wide eyes before Isak can even make it to the door. Even watches for a second before scrambling up and rushing to stand in front of Isak to block him from leaving.

“What are you doing?” Even demands, voice and expression too serious. Isak lets a tear stream down his cheek and a sob racks his chest. Even’s eyes make a quick switch and then he’s looking like a sad puppy. Isak needs to get out of here, he needs to stop making Even look like that because of him.

“Even, I can’t keep being a burden to you and your parents.” He voices his thoughts truthfully. Even seems to somehow achieve looking more upset than a sad puppy, and Isak wants to kick himself.

“Issy, you’re not a burden. What are you saying? You know my parents think of you like a son, you know I love you!” Even practically shouts. He grabs Isak’s bag and pulls it away from him, throwing it on the ground.

“Even!”

“No, you’re not leaving. You can’t be home alone.” He argued, firmly. Isak blinked away more tears.

“I have to go!” He yelled back, and before Even could put up an argument, Isak continued. “You were out of control yesterday! You could’ve triggered an episode and it’s all my fault. This time, it really is all my fault.” He practically choked on a sob. He looked down at his hands in shame. It’s silent in the room for much too long. Isak makes a move to push past Even but he grabs his shoulders and keeps him in place.

“Isak. I can’t… Yes, you getting into that fight triggered my anger and heightened emotions, but it’s not _your_ fault.” Even explains but Isak scoffs, trying to pull away from him. “No, really, Isak. Look at me.”

“Stop it, stop trying. This is my fault.” Isak shakes his head.

“So my episode last time, was that my fault? Is me being bipolar my fault?” Even asked, making Isak glare at him.

“No, what the fuck? It’s never your fault.” Isak defends vehemently. Even raises his eyebrows and throws his arms out.

“Okay so if it’s not my fault then how is it yours?” Even shouts and before Isak can say anything he continues, “It’s not! Okay? It’s my fucking brain chemicals, it’s no one’s fault.” He huffs exasperatedly. Isak stares down at his feet, trying not to cry but his head hurts so much that it’s painful not to let a whimper out. His tears rush down his face and whimpers continue to flood out of his lips. He feels Even coming closer to him and then his arms are gingerly pulling him into his chest. Isak crumples against him, sobs wrenching through his body.

“You’re okay. Everything’s okay, Isak.” He gently smooths his hand up and down Isak’s back. “How about we take a shower? That’ll make you feel better.” Even suggests.

“No. I don’t want to.” Isak protests, shaking his head. Even rubs his back a little harder.

“Come on, Is. I promise it’ll make you feel better.” He tries but Isak refuses. “Baby, please?” The sadness in his voice makes Isak’s heart hurt so he gives up his fight. He can’t handle making Even sadder.

In the bathroom, he can feel Even watching him carefully. It’s probably because he’s made no effort to take his clothes off. He can’t bring himself to expose his broken, beaten skin to his boyfriend. So Even carefully maneuvers around him, turning the shower on and getting undressed. Isak stood stock still with his arms crossed, staring down at the floor, hoping that Even would let him leave.

“Baby?” Even’s soft voice sounded loud as it interrupted all of Isak’s self-loathing thoughts. Even’s hands came to Isak’s waist, gripping the base of his shirt gently. Isak squirms away. “You don’t have to be insecure.”

“I don’t want you to see.” He whimpered, voice sounding so weak and frail compared to Even’s strong, reassuring tone. He backed away but Even stepped closer, hands coming back to his waist, but instead his fingers go to the sweatpants hanging loosely on Isak’s hips. He lets his boyfriend slowly pull his pants down, leaving his underwear.

“I love you Isak,” Even presses a kiss against his jaw, and then a tender one on his lips. “Seeing some bruises isn’t going to change that.” He lifts his hand and carefully rubs at Isak’s cheek in a loving way that makes Isak’s shoulders relax. His heart melts, looking up at Even’s caring eyes.

Slowly, he lifts his arms and Even kisses his lips tenderly while pulling Isak’s shirt up. As Even pulled away to delicately pull his shirt off completely, he crouched down to press warm kisses down Isak’s battered torso. He moved down his chest almost painstakingly slow, deliberately placing kisses all around the dark bruising spreading across his ribs and stomach until he was down on his knees. Isak watched as Even grasped his hands and intertwined their fingers, and he felt an overwhelming sense of relief that Even didn’t look the least bit disgusted in his beaten body.

This beautiful angel was staring at him with unconditional love in his eyes and Isak wanted to hug him so tightly that his bones break. Instead, he let tears roll down his warm cheeks and let Even kiss at his stomach.

“Do you want to shower?” Even whispered, lips brushing against his underwear. Isak could only nod his head, and then Even was getting up and unhurriedly climbing into the shower. Isak dropped his underwear and followed him in.

His tears never halted, if anything he began to cry harder. Seeing his beautiful boyfriend shampoo his own hair and then move to clean his just about broke his heart, and he didn’t know why. In some sense he felt so overwhelmed, being cared for. He wasn’t used to being treated like this. He was always the caregiver, never the opposite.

“Baby, stop thinking so hard. It’s just a shower.” Even murmured, pressing wet lips to his forehead before moving them around so that he could rinse the soap out of Isak’s hair. Isak squeezes his eyes shut, tears mixing with the water flowing from above. They move around each other again so Even can rinse his hair and Isak watches him closely.

“Am I ugly now?” Isak blurts out, a sob coming out of his mouth and suddenly, Even is crowding him against the shower wall, tears forming in his bright blue eyes immediately. He starts to kiss all over Isak’s face, pushing his wet hair back.

“No.” He kisses his lips. “You’ve never been ugly, nothing could make you any less beautiful in my eyes. Fuck, you’re so…” Even kissed his lips again, more passionately. “You’re so smart, you have to know how much I love you and how beautiful you are.” Even’s lips trailed down his neck and then back up as if he couldn’t stop kissing his skin. “The bruises are temporary, baby.” Isak gasps just the slightest.

“The bruises are temporary.” He whispers, just now realizing what Even is trying to say to him.

“I love you so much and some bruises aren’t going to change that.” He repeats, staring into Isak in the most intense way he can. Even feels a wave of heartache hit him in the chest when he realizes something, as Isak nods and sniffles helplessly. He has this thought, that the way he’s feeling right now is how Isak must feel when Even is depressed. It hurts so much that tears begin flowing down his cheeks as well. It feels like a blow to the heart because this feeling; this is the worst sadness Even’s ever felt towards this boy, and Isak’s felt like this before. He wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone. Especially not Isak, and that’s what burns the most.

When they get out of the shower, Isak’s finally stopped crying but he feels even more exhausted. Thankfully Even always knew what he needed. Even leads him to his bedroom instead of the guest room and Isak is complacent, holding his hand lightly and following him. They got dressed, adjusted pillows and then Isak was sitting practically completely upright, relaxing against the pillows.

“Are you feeling alright?” Even crouched down next to the bed. Isak nods, reaching for Even’s hand.

“Just lay down with me?” He asks, and Even give him a little smile. He leans in and presses a soft kiss to Isak’s cheek.

“I’ll go get you some water and then I’ll be right back.” He tells Isak, standing up to leave.

“Even,” Isak says, making him stop. Even looks down at him and raises his eyebrows. “I don’t know what I would do without you.” Even’s eyes soften and he gives a genuine smile. He leaned down and kissed Isak’s forehead sweetly.

“You don’t have to be without me.” He mumbles against his skin, making Isak feel warm from the inside out. He watched as Even left to go get water and let his eyes shut for a moment. He felt content for the first time in a couple days, and it felt so good that he couldn’t help but drift off to sleep before Even could even return.

He woke up to his boyfriend nudging him softly. Isak opened his heavy eyelids to look up into Even’s bright eyes. He couldn’t help but smile a little when he saw him.

“Hey, Jonas is here to see you.” Even told him, and Isak couldn’t help but notice the lack of a smile on his face. He nodded, sitting up a little and breathing deeply to gauge his pain. He felt okay. “Do you need some meds?” Even asked, as if he could read his mind.

“No, but uh, Jonas can come in.” Isak nods and Even sighs a little. He could sense how much Even didn’t want to talk with Jonas. Still, Even got up and went to let him in, leading him to his bedroom. Isak smiled politely when he saw Jonas’ curly head pop into the doorway, smiling brightly.

“Hey man, you alright?” Jonas greeted and Even tensed.

“Yeah, I’ve been better but,” Isak shrugged because what else was he supposed to say? He didn’t want Jonas to feel guilty and he was sure Even already made him feel bad enough. Jonas’ smile fell, as he looked down at his feet.

“Yeah uh… Look, bro, I’m really sorry.” He looked back up, seeming much more guilty and concerned as if everything before was a façade. Isak sighed deeply but before he could brush it off Jonas continued, “No really, what we did was so shitty and I can’t believe I let this happen.”

“Yeah.” Even huffed, sarcastically, earning a glare from Isak.

“It’s alright, Jonas. It’s over now.” Isak tells him but Jonas shakes his head.

“It’s not okay. Listen, we aren’t hanging out with Adrian anymore, there’s no way. I can’t even look at him anymore knowing he knew he would put you in this danger.” Jonas says, dejectedly. Isak looked over at Even but he was looking just as confused.

“What do you mean he _knew_ he’d put me in danger? I thought he didn’t know there’d be so many guys…” Isak asked, sounded just as puzzled as he felt. Jonas sighed.

“He knew there would be lots of guys and…” Jonas scrubbed a hand over his face. “He knew they’d target you because most of them know that you’re gay.” Isak felt his mouth drop slightly. Even looked even more shocked.

“Adrian’s gay too! Why the fuck did they target Isak? What? This is a fucking hate crime!” Even shouted, getting up from the edge of the bed to pace around the room. Isak just stared, eyebrows crinkled together in dismay and confusion.

“I have no fucking clue, Adrian just told us that he wanted you guys to be hurt. I don’t know.” Jonas threw his arms up. “We were so mad that we just threw him out without asking everything. I guess he just wanted Isak to be… hurt.”

“That fucking asshole. I knew he wasn’t a good guy.” Even snapped, running a hand through his fluffy, unstyled hair. Isak couldn’t even speak, he was so hurt. He couldn’t believe someone would want to hurt him so badly.

“I’m so sorry Isak. I feel so guilty.” Jonas pleads, coming closer to Isak.

“You fucking should, you could’ve –“

“Stop, Even, it’s not his fault.” Isak interrupted. “He didn’t know this would happen. I shouldn’t have agreed to go when I knew it was a fight.”

“Isak, how can you just accept this? You won’t be in school for a week and it’s all because of this Adrian guy and people you call your friends.” Even retorted.

“It’s all in the past anyway!” Isak raised his voice, making Jonas and Even recoil a little bit. “It doesn’t matter because it’s over. Adrian got what he wanted and he’ll leave me alone. It’s over.” He shrugs. Even just shakes his head, eyebrows crinkled together.

“It’ll be okay, Isak. The boys and I will make sure he knows he isn’t allowed near us anymore.” Jonas says and Isak nods. There’s an awkward pause of silence before Jonas continues. “Do you… forgive me?”

“Yeah, man. It’s not your fault.” Isak tells him, giving him a little smile and reaching out his hand. Jonas sighs, relieved, and slaps his hand against Isak’s.

“Alright well, I have to get going but there’s a party on Friday at Noora’s place, do you guys wanna pregame together?” He asks and Even glares at him.

“Isak has a concussion and bruised ribs, he can’t party.” Even practically growls. Jonas nods.

“Right, I just… You can though.” He says but Even shakes his head and Jonas just awkwardly makes a move to leave. Isak wishes he could send a telepathic message to his boyfriend to tell him to lighten up. Jonas is trying his best.

“You should go.” Even says, and Jonas just nods, waving goodbye to Isak and letting Even show him out.

Even comes back, huffing loudly. “I’m gonna kill that Adrian kid.” He murmured.

“Even, no you aren’t.”

“You don’t know that. You can’t stop me.”

“The law can stop you.”

Even rubs a hand over his face and lets it rest over his eyes. “No one can stop me, he hurt my baby.”

“Shut up, you’re not gonna kill him.” Isak suppresses a laugh. Even looks at him seriously.

“Yes, yes I am. I thought we just went over this, you can’t stop me.”

“Even, two weeks ago there was a spider on the window sill and you tried to feed it lettuce.”

“Okay but spiders contribute to this world, Adrian is a fucking cockroach.” Isak couldn’t help but let out a laugh, even if it hurt, it felt kind of good.

“Okay, baby, good luck.” He chuckled, and Even was smiling sweetly at him when he looked back up at him. “Can we watch a movie or something? Nothing sad.”

“Hmm, alright.” Even looked up like he was thinking and then went to grab his laptop. Isak watched as he searched through Netflix. He leaned over and brushed his hands through his flattened hair. It felt so soft, Isak wanted to cuddle him so badly but he couldn’t when his ribs were still so freshly injured. “Love Actually?”

“You know I hate that one.” Isak groans. Even smiles cheekily.

“Can’t Buy Me Love?” Even suggests and this time Isak groans in a more sexual way.

“Yes, I _need_ Patrick Dempsey’s hotness to help heal me.” Even laughs at him.

“Alright, so my hotness isn’t enough?” He teases.

“Shut up.” Isak laughs, pushing him away playfully. This really was all he needed though. He just needed his best friend to be with him and tease him and love him. This was more than enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you liked this please leave me a comment. i really need some type of positivity in my life. thanks. i'll try to write chapter 20 as fast as possible. thanks so much for reading. <3


	20. Not Here to Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even gets into trouble and Isak is a sweet boy who thinks about weddings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry it's been so long, i've been super busy but i have a break for the next few days so i should be able to upload a little more frequently. i hope you like this chapter. also i'm sorry for any mistakes, i didn't really read through this before posting. sorry!!

Before leaving for school the next morning Even went around and hid all of Isak’s electronics. He couldn’t risk Isak hurting himself more by trying to study or contact any of his friends. As he’s hiding all of Isak’s textbooks in the laundry room, his mom comes in.

“What are you doing?” She questions with a chuckle in her voice. Even shoves the last book onto the highest shelf.

“Making sure Isak can’t study and make his concussion worse.” He tells her. Olivia shakes her head with a fond smile.

“That’s very thoughtful of you but he won’t be here all day anyway, I have to take him to the hospital for a checkup and to get his stitches removed.” She says, looking down at her phone and typing something in. Even raises his eyebrows at her.

“What? Can I come?” He asks. Olivia sighs.

“You have to go to school, it’s only the third week, honey.” She looks up at him and he tries giving her a pleading look.

“Mom, please, what if he’s nervous? I should be there with him.” He says but Olivia just rolls her eyes at him, walking into the kitchen. Even follows.

“Even, you’re with him every second of the day. He’ll be okay on his own for a few hours.” She reasons, and Even can’t deny that. That doesn’t mean he didn’t want to be with him though. Begrudgingly, Even got ready for school. Before he left, he drew out a little doodle of himself with a note to stay hydrated and rest up. Carefully, he kissed Isak’s forehead and left for school.

He had been riding the tram to school with Isak for so many years that at this point he couldn’t remember a time without him. Even felt slightly lost not being by Isak’s side. Still, he got through his school day just fine.

Well, he was fine until lunch came along. Staring out into the cafeteria, he realized that he hadn’t really made any friends so far. He could very well sit with Magnus, Jonas, and Mahdi but he felt uncomfortable still. He couldn’t fully accept Jonas’ apologies because Isak was getting stitches removed right now and it was still a little bit of his fault for not getting him out of that situation. Even stood in the middle of the cafeteria feeling lost and alone. It felt crushing. He snapped out of it and decided to turn around and ditch. Maybe he could just hide out in the bathroom or just leave altogether and go see Isak.

“Even?” He bumped into someone, and looking down he saw Sana’s dark eyes looking up at him with a kind smile. “Are you okay?” Her eyebrows crinkled together in concern.

“I’m alright, I was just… leaving.” He explains lamely. She chuckles.

“Yeah well, come on. Sit with me.” She waves her hand and then Even’s following her to a table with a few other girls he thinks he’s seen before at parties.

“Even! Hey.” A blonde girl shouts, her voice a little piercing. She’s practically sitting on another girls lap, who has long brown hair and they all look at him with familiarity in their gazes.

“Hey, sorry, I don’t think I remember meeting you all.” He tells them, turning on the charm since he assumes these are Sana’s friends which may mean they’re Isak’s friends. The girls all introduce themselves, smiling sweetly up at Even like they already knew him. He sits down with Sana, feeling a bit confused.

“Isak talks about you constantly,” Sana says like she could read his mind. He smiles at her, fondly.

“Really?” He looks to the other girls, feeling more comfortable now. They all nod enthusiastically.

“To be fair, sometimes we encourage it.” Noora tells him, “He never talks as much as he does when you’re the topic of conversation.” Even smiled brightly.

“Aww, he’s so adorable.” Even coos. Suddenly, Vilde, the girl curled up to Eva’s side, starts giggling uncontrollably. Even raises his eyebrows at her.

“Sorry, I was just thinking about that party last summer, where Isak –“ She cuts herself off and the other girls start giggling with her. Even watches as Sana shake her head and cover her face.

“Don’t expose Isak like that,” Chris said through her laughter, hitting Vilde playfully.

“Wait, now you have to tell me. What happened?” Even asked, looking at all them. Sana continues shaking her head.

“Isak was… blackout drunk.” Sana says, making his eyebrows fly up. Isak gets drunk a lot, sure, but never so drunk that he blacks out. Even figures he must not have been at that party.

“What? Did he hook up with someone?” Even asked them, feeling a bit uncomfortable mentioning Isak’s former habits of hooking up with random boys. The girls all shake their heads, confusing him.

“No, he just _would not_ stop talking about you. We heard _way_ too much.” Noora tells him.

“He just went on and on. I swear I’ve never heard someone go into so much detail about someone else’s hair.” Sana groaned.

“Oh, and he would not stop mentioning your lips!” Eva laughed. Even felt second-hand embarrassment just thinking about Isak saying this stuff.

“He told us about your first kiss, which was actually really adorable, and then he started crying because you weren’t there,” Vilde said, and all the girls ‘aww’ed at the memory. Even tried not to blush, remembering how he asked Isak if they could kiss so many years ago.

“Then, while crying he told us all these things that we did not want to know,” Noora said, with wide eyes. Even raised his eyebrows.

“Basically, about how you make him cum.” Eva blurted out, making everyone laugh except for Even and Sana who covered their faces in more second-hand embarrassment. “He just would not stop! He talked for twenty minutes straight about how you touch him, how you kiss him, how he just fucking loves you.” Eva rolled her eyes but still managed to look fond.

“Aww, well even though that’s extremely embarrassing, it’s kind of sweet too.” Even said, but Vilde shook her head.

“That’s not all, he also started planning your guy’s wedding with us!” She squealed but Even felt his jaw drop. If this party was a year ago, like they said, they hadn’t even been dating! Even couldn’t believe Isak was thinking like that.

“Oh, don’t tell him that!” Sana chastised. Vilde looked at her innocently.

“Why not?”

“Don’t terrify him! Weddings are scary for immature boys to think about.” Sana said, making Even snap out of it. He scoffed and put a hand on his chest.

“Me? Immature?” Even asked, making Sana nod with a teasing look on her face, “I’ll have you know I am not _scared_ of weddings. In fact, I would propose to Isak right now if I could.” He told them, surely. He didn’t have a doubt in his mind that one day they’d be married. The girls all dropped their teasing looks and looked at him fondly, or as if he was a golden retriever puppy. They all cooed in unison.

“Aww! Even!”

“Isak is so lucky, what the fuck.”

“You guys are the cutest!”

“What’s stopping you?” Sana’s question cut through the coos. Even sputtered.

“We’re in high school, we can’t just get married.” He reasons.

“Well, if it’s gonna happen eventually, why not now?” Noora points out. Even feels a nervous thump in his chest.

“Guys, I said I would like to propose but, first of all, Isak might not want to right now, and we’re just too young. Maybe in a few years when we live together or something.” He tells them and then they all start planning out their hypothetical wedding. Even reminded himself to tease Isak about this later.

~~~

After school, Even rushed to his locker to shove his books away. He wanted to get home as soon as possible to be with Isak. Especially with all the talk about their future wedding; it got him feeling all gushy. As he turns the corner, the gushy feeling leaves just as fast as it came. Adrian is there, leaning his back against Even and Isak’s locker. There’s no way he’s doing this by accident so he must be here for Even. His body tenses up, and he clenches his fists as he walks up to that scumbag. Adrian doesn’t have a scratch on him (except for the remnants of a black eye from when Even socked him a could days ago), what kind of cruel world does Even live in? Why does Isak deserve all this hurt?

“Here for Isak or have you finally gotten over him?” Even growls as soon as he’s close enough. Adrian looks over at him to roll his eyes. He sighs dramatically.

“Look, I’m not here to fight. I just want to apologize, I acted like a dick. Tell Isak I said sorry.” Adrian sighs, not seeming the least bit apologetic. Even laughs bitterly.

“Who do you think you are?” He bites back, inching closer to him. Adrian groans.

“I’m just trying to say sorry man, it’s not even a big deal.” He huffs, “It’s not even really my fault.”

“Oh so, you weren’t the guy who dragged Isak to that fight? And you we’re the guy who let him get shitfaced and then fight?” Even asked, sarcasm dripping from his tone. Adrian just rolled his eyes and started to walk away. Without thinking clearly, Even grabbed his arm and slammed him against the lockers, placing both hands on Adrian’s shoulders, trapping him against the lockers.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Adrian snarled, reaching up to push Even’s hands off. Even pushed him back, making his head hit the lockers painfully. It felt good making him wince.

“Stay away from Isak and the other guys too, okay?” Even growled, pinning him against the lockers again. Adrian jabs him in the stomach, making Even jolt back, giving Adrian a chance to hit him in the face, not very hard but still it caught him off guard. Even straightened up to tower over him and punched him in the nose, then in the cheek, making Adrian reach up to hold his face. Even goes in to push him against the lockers again but all of a sudden there are two teachers pulling them away from each other. Adrian puts up a fruitless fight, still trying to hit at Even. Quickly the two teachers lead them to the principal’s office, reporting what happened and leaving them in front of the principal’s disappointed gaze.

~~~

“Mr. Bech Naesheim, it’s only your second week here. You should know we don’t condone such violence.” The principal sighed in this condescending, disappointed tone that angered Even.

“It’s not my fault he’s a dick.” He told him simply.

“Shut up.” Adrian groans like a ten-year-old boy. “It’s not my fault Isak can’t fight.”

“It’s your fault he was even in that situation!” Even shouted, making the principal shush them in a patronizing way.

“Hey! Boys, what is this all about?” He demanded. Even huffed, sitting up straight.

“He tricked my boyfriend into going to this huge fight, knowing they’d target him and then left him alone in Oslo with horrible injuries and now he’s trying to say it’s not his fault.” Even snapped. The principal’s eyes widen.

“Well I can’t do much about that; it happened off of school campus.” He says, brushing it off.

“What?!” Even shouts and the principal gives him a stern glare.

“Both of you will have to attend after-school detention for the next two weeks for fighting.” He says, writing something down on the papers on his desk. “Starting tomorrow.”

“What? No, I can’t.” Even argues frantically. He’s got to be home to take care of Isak. He can’t be stuck at school with this tool next to him.

“You should’ve thought about that before deciding to fight.” The principal says, handing them both sheets of papers informing their parents of this discipline. Even huffed, snatching the paper and storming out of the office. He quickly stopped at his locker before getting on the tram, still heated.

Once he was home he tried to calm down at the front door. He was almost an hour late and he felt pretty guilty about leaving Isak to worry. Especially since he shouldn’t be stressed in his condition right now. As Even got closer to his room, he could hear the TV was on. So at least Isak wasn’t too worried. Gently, he pushed the door open and looked at Isak. All he could see of him was his fluffy blonde head and bright blue eyes drooping sleepily as they peeked over the duvet, trying to watch Jerry Maguire on TV. He was bundled up in his bed, a bandage on his temple where the stitches used to be but he still looked incredibly soft. He wished he was here an hour ago to hold him and kiss him. Even watched him, feeling so guilty about not only getting here so late but also getting into trouble with Adrian.

Isak glanced up at him from the blanket burrito and Even could see his tired eyes light up.

“You’re here.” He mumbled, trying to sit up a little but Even gestured for him to lie back down as he fully entered the room, closing the door behind him. He began changing into more comfortable clothes as Isak watched curiously. “Where were you?”

“I kind of… got into a fight.” He answered, slowly. He heard Isak gasp and then sputter out a cough.

“Even, what? What do you mean a fight? Are you okay?” He went to sit up again, unwrapping himself from the blankets. Even pulled on a shirt, sighing.

“I’m okay. I got detention for the next two weeks.” He tells him. Isak stands up, reaching for him and Even lets him.

“What happened?” Isak asked, examining his face carefully.

“Adrian tried to apologize and I started a fight… He’s a dick though, so…” He shrugged but Isak sighed and shook his head.

“Even, why would you do that?” Isak huffed, stepping back a little from him.

“He’s awful! Are you kidding? Do you think he’s innocent or something?” Even shouts, still a bit heated from earlier. He knows he doesn’t want to yell at Isak but he can’t keep it in right now. Isak frowns at him.

“I know he did bad things but I just want this drama to end. You already went and punched him, you just _had_ to start more shit with him-“

“I wasn’t done!” Even cut him off. “He’s after you Isak, I don’t know what he’s trying to do but I can’t let him hurt you.” Even says defiantly. He watched as Isak looked down at his feet, completely still. He looked defeated and Even felt like taking back everything and just hugging him. The room was silent for a few moments. He made a move to walk towards him but then Isak spoke up.

“I wish I never hooked up with him.” He whispered, voice thick with emotion. “I wish I never hooked up with anyone, ever. I hate it.” He made his hands into fists. Even came closer, reaching out to place his hand on Isak’s shoulder.

“Baby, it’s okay. This isn’t your fault.” He tells him, confused as to why Isak is suddenly regretting all of that… Unless he always regrets that. “It’s okay that you’ve hooked up with people.”

“No.” Isak shakes his head. “I wish… I wish I knew I loved you.” He said, sadly.

“Isak, it’s okay. You’re young and I’m a dumb romantic. It’s not your fault you didn’t know.” He tries but Isak shakes his head.

“Were you always in love with me?” He asks and it hurts Even’s heart a little. Isak still won’t look up from his feet.

“Yeah.” He shrugs, knowing that as soon as he realized what love was he knew it matched up perfectly to how he felt about Isak.

“I wish I knew,” Isak says and Even wants to agree. He wished they had been together since that first kiss but instead he tells Isak the real truth.

“Everything happens for a reason and… the universe knew when we would be ready for each other.” Even tells him, knowing Isak loves all that universe talk. He took a step closer to place his hands delicately on Isak’s waist. Isak’s body leans in and he finally looks up with happy eyes. “And you know, I think you knew you were in love with me before we got together.” Even says smugly, making Isak quirk an eyebrow.

“Huh?”

“The girls told me about a certain time you got drunk last summer and just went on and on about my lips and my body and our _wedding._ ” Even teases with a smirk on his face, watching Isak flush a fierce red.

“Stop, oh god, _why_ would they tell you that?” Isak shouts dramatically, cringing and trying to pull away but Even keeps him in place.

“It’s sweet, you’re so cute.” Even coos, kissing his cheek wetly.

“No, it’s embarrassing!” Isak squirms. Even brings a hand up and brushes Isak’s hair back, giving one more kiss on his cheek.

“I think about our wedding too.” He mumbles, making Isak’s head shoot up and look at him in disbelief and shock. “I do!” He defends.

“You… want to marry me?” Isak says, seeming genuinely confused. Even gave him his own confused glance.

“Of course. You think I’m gonna find someone better?” Isak looks like he’s about to say _‘yes!’_ so Even swoops in and presses their lips together. “I’m not. I promise you. That’s why I’ve never kissed anyone else.”

Isak smiles brightly and places both hands on his face, kissing him again. And again. And again.

“I haven’t forgotten about your detention, I’m still mad about that,” Isak tells him in between sweet kisses.

“Okay, but can we just make out for now?” Even asks, kissing Isak with more passion.

“Okay, I guess.” He smirks, making them both giggle. They laid back down on Even’s bed carefully and continued to exchange loving kisses.

“I love you.” Even whispers. Isak smiles. “I just miss you a lot.”

“I miss being around you too.” Isak nods, understanding. He placed a kiss on his nose. “And I love you too.” Even smiled softly before

“Are you doing okay?” Even asks, brushing back his fluffy curls. Isak hums.

“My head still hurts a lot. But my ribs are starting to feel a little less sore.” Isak agrees, still making Even frown.

“I wish I could help you.” He whispers and Isak smiles softly.

“You are, just by being here it helps.” He snuggles up to Even and they hold each other gently. Normally, Even would want to squeeze Isak to his chest and feel him pressed against him but he doesn’t want to hurt his boyfriend. They’re both close to drifting off to sleep after laying there for a moment when suddenly Isak disturbs the peaceful calm.

“Even.” He hums in response. “Are you manic?” Isak asks, making him freeze a bit. Even takes a moment to think and reflect. Isak would never ask him that unless he was genuinely concerned.

“No, I just… had a little episode because of Adrian but… I’m good. I’m here.” And that’s all it takes to make Isak relax in his arms again.

“Okay but… it’s okay if you are. You shouldn’t stifle these things. I’m here if you need to talk.” Isak tells him and Even is so shaken up by how grown up his boyfriend is. It’s crazy how things like this remind him that how incredibly lucky he is to have this boy. For a moment he thanks the universe for all the things that led up to this moment. Gingerly, Even pulls Isak closer, Isak burrows his head between Even’s chin and chest. He kisses Isak’s hair.

“Thank you.” He says, settling for that instead of begging Isak to never leave him like he so often wants to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a comment if you liked this and tell me all your thoughts! i love getting feedback and comments, it really motivates me to write. hope you liked this chapter <3


	21. No More Fights, okay Rocky?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uhhh a lot happens in this chapter. Adrian confronts Even again. Isak and Even almost fight, then they smoke weed. Isak gets jealous. Isak and Even fucking get it on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if there's any mistakes i'm soooorrrrryyyy, i just was too tired to properly proof read it. also, warning, there's smut at the end of this chapter, if you want to skip you can (you'll know when it's about to happen), but try to just read the last couple lines. 
> 
> i hope you like this chapter, a LOT happens lol

Throughout the week, detention was fine. They sat in a classroom, about ten feet apart, in silence, as a teacher Even had never met before sat and watched them. It was excruciatingly boring. Even felt like his brain was being fried from just sitting in silence for so long. On Friday, the teacher got a little bit creative and told them to clean the whole classroom. So Even and Adrian got to work wiping down desks, sweeping the floors and scraping gum from underneath the tables.

While Even cleaned the whiteboard, making it look like it had never been used before, Adrian continued lazily sweeping the tile floor. Suddenly the teacher stood up and announced he needed to go to a meeting for the next thirty minutes. He left them in silence. Even could almost feel the tension.

“You know…” Adrian started, making every muscle in Even’s body freeze up. “Your boyfriend’s pretty loose when he’s drunk. It’s so hot.”

Even turned around with heat in his glare. “Shut up.”

“On the night of the fight, he was leaning all over me. And when we hooked up last year,” Adrian smirked, then rolled his eyes back, “I really wish you never burst in, we were only just getting started.” He growls. Even grits his teeth together. He knows Adrian is just spewing bullshit but it still hurts. His words are sharp and feel like they hold true.

“Well, he doesn’t feel the same.” Even shoots back through his teeth but it doesn’t affect Adrian at all. He throws his broom down and struts up to Even, cornering him against the whiteboard.

“I’m sure I can change that for him. I had him once, I’ll get him again.” He snarled. Even felt like puking at the thought that Adrian once _‘had’_ Isak.

“Is that a threat?” Even questioned, trying to hide how nervous he was feeling. He really didn’t want to start another fight but his blood was pumping faster and his nerves felt charged.

“It’s a guarantee. I _will_ get Isak back.” He smirked. Even pushed him in the chest harshly.

“I can guarantee that won’t happen.” He snapped, pushing Adrian in the chest once more. “Isak is a person, and he’s not my property but I can say that he’s _mine_.”

Adrian stepped back, still so smug and Even longed to beat the shit out of him. “You hate me, don’t you?” He said, in this obnoxious, knowing tone. It made him clench his teeth.

“If I gave you any thought, I probably would.” He told him, sounding casual but on the inside, he was ready to burst. Adrian smirked at him but before either of them could continue, another teacher was walking into the room.

“Boys, get back to work. I’m keeping an eye on you while Mr. Wilde’s in the office.” The teacher said, sitting down at the desk. Even turned back to the whiteboard, rolling his eyes. All he wanted was to bust Adrian’s teeth in. This was getting out of hand, Even needed to calm down. He needed to go home and see Isak and kiss him sweetly. He needed to know Isak loved him. He knew it was dumb to feel insecure about what Adrian said but he couldn’t help it. Especially when Isak did find him attractive at this time last year.

An hour later they were walking down the hall, both on opposite ends, heading to the front exit. _Only one more week of this,_ Even reminded himself just as Adrian opened his disgusting mouth again.

“It’s a shame, you know.” He said, making Even roll his eyes. He stayed silent, not letting Adrian have his attention, but he continued anyway. “I really wish I could’ve taken Isak’s virginity that night. I bet he’s amazing in be-“

Even charged at him, slamming him against the lockers. His temple hit the metal brutally. The sound echoed through the whole school. “Don’t fucking talk about him like that.” Even slammed him against the lockers forcibly, making Adrian whimper. “Don’t come near him, don’t look at him, don’t talk about him. If I hear you say his name one more time, you’re gonna end up dead.” Even growled. Quickly he raised his fist and hit his jaw powerfully. His head shot back against the metal again, and he moaned out in pain. “Do you understand?” Adrian just murmured incoherently. “Do you?” Even shouted in his face, raising his fist again.

“Yes! Please, don’t!” Adrian yelled, wincing away frantically. Even grabbed his shirt and slammed him against the wall once more, then dropped him to the ground fiercely.  Before he could do anything more damaging to him, he stormed away, breath coming fast.

~~~

On the walk home, he feels his heart beating madly in his chest and his breathing hasn’t slowed. His mind is racing with all kinds of thoughts but in the back of his mind all he could think about was what Isak said. He shouldn’t stifle things. Is he manic? Is this an episode? _No, I’m just fucking pissed._ He assured himself that just because he was feeling angry didn’t automatically mean he was having an episode. This could just be anger at Adrian and this fucking school for giving him detention. That’s all. _This isn’t an episode._

Walking towards his room he could hear shuffling in his room. He walked in to see Isak in the middle his room, standing completely still with his hands behind his back. Even squinted his eyes at him.

“What are you doing?” Even questioned. Isak smiled sheepishly.

“Nothing. Just… standing.” He swayed on his heels, trying for casual. Even walked closer.

“What’s behind your back?” He asked, anger seeping into his voice. He still hadn’t calmed down from earlier.

“I was just…” Isak reveals the biology textbook behind his back, “trying to catch up a little…” He says, voice sounding small.

“Isak, you’re supposed to be getting rest and reading is bad for your head right now. Fuck, how many times do I have to tell you?” He shouts, blowing up about nothing but every nerve in Even’s body felt on edge. Isak crinkled his eyebrows at the sudden anger, stepping back slightly.

“I’m… I’m feeling better. It’s my head, Even, I think I know what I need.” Isak says calmly, sounding a bit confused. Even huffed.

“No, you’re always getting yourself hurt! Why can’t you just let yourself get better?” Even yelled, thrusting his hands into his hair angrily.

“What are you talking about?” Isak shot back, “Why are you getting angry about this? It’s not a big deal.”

“Whatever, just, leave me alone!” Even shouted, not even knowing what he was saying at this point. Isak glared at him angrily, and Even couldn’t even stand looking at him when he was mad at him.

“Fine. Jeez.” Isak huffed, turned harshly to grab his backpack and started walking around the room to grab him things. Even panicked.

“Wait – No. Stop that.” Even grabbed his back from him. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“You’re being a dick.” Isak snapped and Even sighed.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled, sitting down on his bed with his head in his hands. It was silent for a moment before Isak was sitting in his desk chair in front of him. Even listened closely as Isak sighed.

“Even, why are your knuckles bleeding?” He sighed, almost tiredly and Even felt like crying. He was feeling a million emotions along with shame now for yelling at Isak. He didn’t look up when he answered.

“I punched Adrian again.” He mumbled.

“Even,” Isak said, not much emotion in his voice which made Even look up.

“But in my defense, he said some really fucked up shit about you and I couldn’t let him get away with it… I don’t think he’ll be talking to you ever again though.” He said, but Isak just looked sad. His eyebrows furrowed together and a frown settled on his face.

“Even… Are you feeling okay?” He asked, and the question was so heavy that it felt like weights were dropped onto his shoulders. He frowned at Isak.

“I’m… fine.” He tried.

“Even.” Isak pleaded, his voice breaking. “Please, just… talk to me.” Even watched his shoulders drop and his eyes looked so worried. Even hated it.

“Isak, I was just mad. I can get mad without being manic, you know?” He said, and Isak nodded.

“You’re usually not like this… That’s all I’m saying.” He pointed out, voice soft. Even sighed.

 “I know but… he was talking about… taking your virginity and how you’re hot when you’re drunk and I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t let him get away with that.” Even said, fists clenching up at the memory. He looked up to see Isak shiver with disgust on his face.

“Okay, I understand your anger,” Isak mumbled. Even chuckled a little.

“He’s a dick.” Even said simply. “And I feel like shit, I’m sorry for yelling you. I’m just mad about all of this.”

“I forgive you,” Isak told him, reaching out to put a comforting hand on his knee. “Just, stop worrying so much. I’m feeling better and now maybe Adrian will be leaving us alone.” He tries to assure him. Even sighs heavily.

“You’re feeling better?” He asks, and Isak smiles a little, nodding. “That’s all I care about.” He tells him, flopping back onto his bed. He listened to Isak shuffle around and then appear above him with a bag of weed. “Isak, you shouldn’t be smoking.”

“I’ll be fine. I think you need it though.” He says simply, tossing the bag onto Even’s chest and going to open the windows up.

“Are you sure you’re feeling better?” Even asks, but he’s already reaching into his desk to find papers to roll a joint for them to share. Isak nods, smiling at him. He walks over and kisses Even on the lips.

“My head barely hurts anymore. It’s been a week, that’s usually the recovery time for concussions anyway.” He says, climbing on top of Even to sit on his lap. Even chuckled a little.

“Oh right, you are the doctor here.” He teased, making Isak hit his shoulder lightly. He sat up, setting down the joint he rolled in favor of wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s waist.

“What?” Even hummed, quirking an eyebrow. Isak continued, “Why are you looking at me like that?” It’s silent in the room for a few moments.

“I love you and… I don’t want to lose you.” He answered seriously, looking into Isak’s bright green eyes. He watches as those green eyes turn sad.

“You aren’t going to lose me. Why would you think that?” He asks, voice low and soft. Even hums, pressing his forehead against his.

“I think I just get scared sometimes.” He mumbles.

“You don’t need to worry,” Isak reassures him, bringing his hands up to run through Even’s hair. He rubs their noses together, with a kind smile on his face and Even feels warmth rush through his skin. “I love you.” He murmurs, pressing their lips together sweetly.

As they laid in bed, talking about movies and new albums to listen to, they smoked weed and felt the tension in their bones run out. Isak took the joint from Even’s fingertips and inhaled. On the exhale, he had an idea.

“I think Eva’s having a party tonight.” He said, speaking over the low music Even had been playing.

“You really want to get drunk after you just started feeling better?” Even laughed. Isak rolled his eyes.

“You know, there is a way to go to a party and not get drunk.” He sassed, blowing smoke into Even’s face. Even laughed again.

“I don’t know, it might not be very fun.” Even shrugged.

“It could be, we could hang out with our friends and just chill.” He said, nudging Even a little. “Let them know I’m still alive.”

“Alright, but if you start feeling bad, tell me.” Even says, and he nods.

“Agreed.” Isak hums, “Also, no more fights. Okay, Rocky?” Even laughs.

“Okay babe.” He smiles, looking over at his smug boyfriend. “You’re so cute.”

“Thank you.” He says, smiling brightly.

“You’re also really high, aren’t you?” Even asks and Isak just shrugs, making him laugh.

~~~

Later that night Isak and Even met up with the boys to pre-game at Jonas’ house. Even watches Isak joke around and laugh with them, punching Magnus when he says something stupid and listening as they all talk about girls religiously. It felt good to relax with the boys even if they weren’t drinking. Mahdi offered them a joint which they took, passing it back and forth to feel a little more relaxed. Even couldn’t take his eyes off of Isak, he looked so good. He was wearing tight black jeans and a shirt that he’s put in the dryer too many times as it seems like it’s shrunk a bit. His hair is covered by a snapback but something about it makes him look so boyish, Even loves it. Isak keeps laughing and throwing his head back to expose his pretty neck and he just wants to kiss every inch of him.

Isak catches his eye and quirks an eyebrow but Even just smiles at him and gestures for him to come closer. Isak gets up from his chair to sit on the arm of the couch next to him. Even pulls him down to sit on his lap, holding him close to kiss his cheek.

“You look good.” Even whispers into his ear, as the other boys are ribbing at Magnus for wanting to go after a girl that’s way out of his league. Isak blushed a pretty pink, bringing the joint to his lips, inhaling and then pulling Even into a kiss, shotgunning the smoke into his mouth. Even inhaled, feeling arousal pool in his stomach.

“You do too,” Isak whispered, after pulling away from the kiss.

They arrive at the party an hour later, the boys past tipsy and Isak and Even are pleasantly high. The music doesn’t feel too loud and the room isn’t completely crowded so Even feels good. Isak takes his hand and pulls him over to where he sees Sana hanging out.

“You’re alive!” She says in place of a greeting. Isak smiles and gives her a hug. 

“I’m also very behind in studying.” He groans, lightheartedly. Even smiles at them, wrapping an arm around Isak’s waist.

“Do you want to come over tomorrow and I can catch you up?” Sana offers.

“Yes, please! I need to do something other than lay in bed and eat chicken noodle soup.” Isak joked, making her laugh. 

“I don’t know, he’s still recovering, he shouldn’t push himself.” Even told her, squeezing his waist lovingly. Isak scoffed.

“I’ll be fine.” He says but Sana nods. 

“We’ll take it slow.” She says to Even.

“Good,” Even presses a wet kiss to Isak’s temple. They both continue to ramble about assignments and the project they’ve started on while Even looks around to see other people at the party. Magnus is striking out with a girl, Jonas is talking with Eva and Vilde (who seem to constantly be attached at the hip) and Mahdi is talking with a group of guys. Then, a boy with dark brown hair catches Even’s eye. He’s staring right at him and Isak; and now he’s walking towards him. 

“Hey, Isak!” He greets and Isak holds out his hand for a bro-handshake-thing. Even catches Sana roll her eyes and watches as she looks at the new boy with a disgusted look in her eye. Even wonders what that’s about. 

“Oh, Chris this is Even, my boyfriend, Even this is Chris,” Isak says, gesturing between the two. 

“Hey man, Isak doesn’t shut about you,” Chris says, holding out a hand for a bro-shake. Even takes his hand, begrudgingly and smiles a little. 

“Yeah well,” Even trails off awkwardly because Chris is already looking back to Isak, both of them talking animatedly. Even locks eyes with Sana and she has a mean look in her eyes. 

“He’s a dick.” She mouths to hip, making Even raise his eyebrows. She gestures for Even to come closer and lean down to her level. So Even does and she whispers in his ear. 

“He’s been trying to sleep with Isak since 1st year.” She says, “He was also the one who dragged him into the fight last week along with Adrian.” Even pulls back to stare at her, with annoyance in his eyes. Not at her, at the fact that  _it just doesn’t end._ Even cannot catch a break apparently.

Now he looked over at Chris with a glare and noticed how close he was standing. At this point, Even didn’t even feel like fighting. Instead, he just left it. 

“Babe, I’m gonna go get some water.” He tells Isak, kissing his cheek sweetly. He nods and catches his lips before turning back to Chris. Even went off to the kitchen and found the water bottles, grabbing two and then turning around to see a girl trying her best to reach the top cabinet in the kitchen but she was about two feet too short. Even leaned over and opened it with ease. 

“Oh, thank you.” She said, laughing a little. “Can you grab the clear bottle?” Even reached up and pulled the vodka down, handing it to her.

“Be careful, don’t get too wasted.” He warned and she laughed again, leaning into his space. Even was always pretty oblivious to people flirting with him so it didn’t affect him. Since he was 14 he’s only had eyes for Isak, so other people flirting never made him blink an eye. When they were flirting with Isak however,  _that_  was a different story. 

“I’m Emma.” She greeted, offering her hand and he shook it, with a smile.

“Even.” He said.

“You look kind of like James Dean. Have people told you that before?” She says, her words slurring a little. He laughs.

“Yeah, actually, or Elvis but blonde.” He says and she snaps her fingers. 

“Yes! That’s exactly it.” She laughs loudly, her hand coming to grab Even’s bicep. “Oh wow, you’re strong.” She giggles, feeling up his arm. Even leans back a little to try and shake off her touch casually but she leaned in closer. “You know, James Dean was actually a really great actor.” She rambled on.

Across the room, Isak was glaring daggers through her. He wasn’t listening to Chris anymore, he couldn’t focus on anything besides his boyfriend being felt up by some tiny brunette. At first, Isak felt angry, but now as he continued to watch them talk, he felt hurt. Even didn’t seem bothered by this attention at all. He was smiling and laughing with this girl, letting her lean on him and letting her touch his biceps. Isak watched, feeling himself frown.

“Isak?” Chris tried until he looked over into the kitchen to see Even. Isak watched him looking. “Oh. There’s always someone better I guess.” He shrugged, before looking back at Isak. He felt his heart stutter.

_Someone better._

Maybe Even’s finally found his someone, and all this time it hasn’t been Isak. He felt his ribs start to throb and his breathing got fast and harsh, like he was about to start crying. He wanted to leave, so badly but he couldn’t just storm out of here like a child.

“What are you doing, Isak?” Sana’s voice rang through the silence his mind was creating. His tunnel vision cleared and suddenly she was right in front of him. “Go get your man.”

“He’s… He probably likes her.” Isak shrugged, avoiding her fierce gaze. She huffed dramatically.

“Stop moping, he only has eyes for you. He’s totally unaware that she’s flirting, I promise you.” She insists but Isak just shakes his head.

“You heard Chris, there’s always – “

“Oh shut up. That girl is feeling up your boyfriend, go do something about it! Get angry.” Sana says, throwing her arms up. Isak stared at her and then back at the girl who was practically pressed fully against Even and a new wave of anger filled his bones. He glared at them both.

He strode across the room boldly, before slipping in between the girl and Even. He pressed his body against Even and kissed him passionately and a little violently. He licked into his mouth, making Even whimper and then bit Even’s lip as he pulled away. He turned around, still pressing his body against Even’s to feel his heavy breathing and growing dick.

“I’m Isak, and you are?” He asked, towering over the girl. Her mouth was wide open, and then floundering for something to say.

“Leaving.” She blurts out and Isak smirks at her. “I was just… leaving.” She stutters, quickly making her way out of their sight. Isak turned back around to look at Even.

“What the hell was that?” Even asked, breathless. Isak purposely ground forward to feel Even’s dick against his.

“She was touching you too much.” He whispered, leaning in to suck on Even’s earlobe.

“ _Jesus_.” Even moaned, “What has gotten into you?”

“I guess jealousy makes me horny.” Isak jokes, kissing his way down Even’s jaw to his mouth.

“Fuck, I should make you jealous more often.” He groans, catching Isak’s lips and running his hands all over his body.

“Don’t,” Isak growls, pressing harder into him. “Let’s go to my house.”

“Okay.” Even breathed, leaning into Isak. He grabbed his hand and led him out of the house.

~~~

As they stumbled through the front door, unable to take their hands and lips off of each other, Isak wondered how far they were going to go this time. They’ve seen each other naked, they’ve given hand-jobs and once Even went down on Isak but they haven’t gone much further, mostly because they’ve never felt the need too. Now, Isak felt like he needed it.

They made their way to Isak’s bedroom through the dark, empty house and then collapsed onto his bed. Isak snaked his hands underneath Even’s shirt to take it off of him, disconnecting their lips for a moment. Isak felt the need to say something.

“I have condoms.” He blurted out. Both of them froze. Even was completely still, hovering above him with his mouth agape.

“R-Really?” He stuttered. Isak nodded. “Are you sure? I mean… I want to.”

“I want to, too.” Isak whispered. The electric charge in the room dissipated for a moment. “I know you’ll take care of me.”

“I will baby, I promise. But… I’ve never done this before though.” Even whispered back.

“But you’ve seen porn right?”

“Of course.”

“Just do… that.”

“Well, I mean…”

“Yeah, not… Be careful and stuff but… Yeah.” Isak stumbled over his words, body shaking a bit in anticipation. Even watched him for a moment, searching his eyes.

“We could just do what we normally do… We don’t have to go any further.” He tells him, caressing his face softly, making Isak’s heart melt. He shook his head.

“I think we’re ready. I want you.” Isak says, making Even shiver.

“Fuck, I want you too.” He dived down and kissed him passionately. Isak moaned lowly, relaxing underneath Even. Gradually, their clothes came off until they were grinding together slowly in just underwear. Even’s breath was hot against Isak’s skin as he trailed down and left kisses and hickeys on his way down. Isak moaned beautifully, making blood flow even faster to Even’s dick.

Slowly, Even pulled off Isak’s briefs, exposing his cock to the cold air and Even couldn’t help himself; he licked at Isak’s dick, making his breathing hitch and a whimper fall out of his pretty mouth.

“Even,” He moaned. Even stopped though, not wanting to make Isak cum too early. Even spread Isak’s legs and looked back up to him.

“Have you ever done this before? Fingered yourself.” Even asked, and Isak nodded. Even shivered from arousal. “Fuck, seriously?”

“Yeah, a few times.” Isak nods, turning a little red from embarrassment. Even moaned.

“You’re so hot, I bet you looked so good.” Even said, before going in and licking at his hole.

“Oh, fuck. Even!” Isak whimpered.

“Does that feel good?” Even asked, a little smugly. Isak nods, letting out soft little whimpers as Even continued. Suddenly, Isak was squirming around and reaching around in his bedside drawer. Even stopped to watch him.

“Here. Please, please finger me.” Isak moaned, throwing lube and a condom onto the bed next to Even’s head. Quickly, Even opened the lube and began with slipping one finger into his hole, making Isak gasp loudly.

“Is that okay?”

“Yes!” Isak almost shouts, encouraging Even to move his finger around, feeling his tight walls relax. It took a while but eventually Even had three fingers moving inside of him with ease and Isak was moaning constantly. “Fuck that feels so good.” He whines.

“Are you ready?” Even asked, not knowing if either of them were going to last long. Isak nodded enthusiastically.

“Yes! Oh fuck, yes, fuck me.” Isak blurted out and the words went straight to Even’s dick, actually making him moan out loud. He carefully pulled his lubed up fingers out and Isak scrambled to open the condom and slide it on to him with little finesse. Even lubed up his thick cock as Isak stared wide-eyed.

“I don’t even think it’s gonna fit in me.” Isak breathed, making Even chuckle.

“It’ll be okay, just tell me if it hurts. Okay, baby?” Even leaned down, kissing Isak on his lips passionately. Isak hummed.

“Okay.” He whispered. Even carefully lined himself up and pressed his dick in just a little bit. “Oh fuck.” Isak moaned like it was punched out of him.

“Are you okay?” Even brought his hands to hold onto Isak’s small waist, squeezing him lovingly. Isak nodded fiercely, his hands coming up to hold onto Even’s shoulders.

“Keep going,” Isak whispered, pulling Even down a little bit to connect their lips together. Even kissed his boyfriend slowly as he pushed in deeper, making both of them groan loudly. Soon they had a slow pace, bodies moving together and lips separating to shout out moans of pleasure.

“Fuck Even, faster, I’m gonna cum.” Isak pleads, moving his own body down onto Even’s dick. Even moaned loudly.

“Shit, me too, oh – “ Even picked up the pace a little, fucking into Isak’s ass a little harder and faster.

“Oh! Even!” Isak shouted out, making Even moan in response.

“You sound so hot, baby.” Even whispered to him, diving down to kiss all over his boy’s neck, wanting to mark him up so no one else thought they could take him from Even.

“Fuck fuck fuck, I’m – “ Even watched as Isak shot his load all over their stomach and he felt him squeeze tight around his dick, making Even shout out.

“Isak!” He groaned loudly, cumming into the condom. Isak watched pure bliss go over his face and he felt so good at the thought that he put that there. Even carefully pulled out, lying down next to Isak, a sweaty mess. Isak smiled at his boyfriend, breathless.

“Fuck, that felt good.” Isak moaned, chuckling lightly. Even opened his eyes, smiling brightly.

“You’re so beautiful.” He said, turning to look at Isak. He blushed pink and Even leaned over to kiss his cheek. “I love you, baby.”

“I love you too.” They laid in content silence for a while, breath slowing and muscles starting to ache.

“Let’s shower, there’s cum everywhere.” Even blurted out, interrupting the blissful peace. Isak busted out into laughter at his ridiculous boyfriend. They just lost their virginity to each other and yet, nothing has changed.

“You’re so annoying.” He teased, laughing loudly. But he loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyy they fucked. lol sorry if my smut is bad, i never write actual smut, it's always light stuff but yeah, i hope that was alright. also i think there's gonna be another jealous!isak scene in another chapter so if you didn't like this one, there's gonna be more lol. 
> 
> i hope you liked this chapter <3 please leave a comment so i know how you guys are liking it. thank you so much for reading and putting up with my awful updating schedule. 
> 
> thank you!


	22. Take a Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> little bit of angst but mostly fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a quick chapter to tie up a few things, the next one is going to start the next phase of the story so give me some time to write chapter 23 but don't worry because there should be a few more before the end, like maybe seven or eight more chapters? we'll see lol
> 
> also i always noticed in high school that when my friends lost their virginity to each other that suddenly they were way more in love and all protective (some of them were too protective lol) and i put that in here, idk i feel like Even would be like that. i feel like he's all protective about isak and so i'll probably dabble that in from now on.

Isak woke up the next day with a soft smile on his face. He opened his eyes to see light fluttering through Even’s hair, making him look golden. Even’s eyes moved under his closed lids, telling Isak he must be dreaming. He watched Even sleep, looking so soft and peaceful. He felt light, and the ache in his muscles from the night before felt pleasant. Gingerly, he brought a hand up to Even’s cheek, feeling the soft warmth radiating off of him. He traced little patterns on his cheek, feeling his heart pick up speed when Even leaned into his hand, humming softly.

Isak thinks he’ll never get used to the way Even looks when he first opens his bright blue eyes. Watching him look around until his eyes find Isak’s makes him feel breathless. Even stares at him with this intense gaze that makes Isak smile a little wider.

“Hey, I was dreaming about you.” Even whispers, scooting closer to Isak to slide an arm around his waist. Everything felt so warm, the butterflies in Isak’s stomach were going wild.

“What was it about?” Isak whispered back, careful not to disrupt the peace. Even smiled, closing his eyes for a moment.

“I think we were in a house and everything was bright, and we had a puppy running around. It was nice. You were making coffee in our kitchen and I was just watching you.” Even hummed, pulling Isak closer to his chest.

“That sounds nice.” He smiles, rubbing their noses together softly.

“I hope that’s our future.” He murmurs, making Isak’s smile reach to his ears as he nods. He hopes so too.

~~~

After a slow morning, the boys went over to the Bakkoush house. As they walked in, not even bothering with knocking, the house was filled with noise and laughter. Even wrapped an arm around Isak’s waist, pulling him close as they walked further in. They followed the commotion to the living room where the guys were shooting a rolled up sock into a makeshift basketball hoop.

“Even!” They all shouted, cheering. Even laughed brightly, making Isak smile up at him.

“What are you doing? There’s a basketball hoop in the back.” Even pointed out, still grinning widely at them. Elias scoffed.

“We didn’t have enough players, until now. Isak, you wanna play?” Elias asked, making Isak laugh a little.

“I’m good, I have to study with Sana actually.” He said, and as if on cue, she came down the stairs, gesturing for Isak to follow her upstairs. Isak went to follow her but Even caught his arm, pulled him close and kissed him passionately. Isak felt himself turn bright red as he pulled away a little, embarrassed that all of Even’s friends were watching them.

“Don’t study too hard.” Even tells him, kissing him again on the cheek before letting him go. Isak rolled his eyes, to try and ignore his red cheeks and followed Sana up the stairs, ignoring her smirk. As soon as they were alone in her room, she snickered.

“What’s gotten into him?” She asked, and Isak just shook his head.

“I have no idea. Just in a good mood, I guess.” He said, taking his backpack off and pulling out his books. In reality, he could tell Even was probably in a more sappy mood from having sex for the first time last night. At that thought, Isak smiles to himself, so he can’t blame Even for being a little more lovey-dovey.

“You guys are… disgustingly cute.” She says, a hint of fondness in her voice but she leaves it at that and pulls out her own books.

Only an hour later Isak feels his brain pulsing. Sana’s silent for a second, highlighting something in Isak’s book for him, and so he reaches up to rub at his forehead. “Are you alright?” She asks, voice soft.

“I think I just… need a break.” He groans, still rubbing his head but he can’t really tell if that’s helping or not. Sana nods and they head downstairs, already hearing loud voices coming from the kitchen. Isak wants to turn right back around so as to not worry Even but he doesn’t want to explain that to Sana. Once they enter the kitchen, Isak tries to be as unnoticeable as possible. He follows Sana to the fridge but as soon as they open it, all heads turn to them.

“Taking a break so soon?” Elias asks with less teasing in his voice than usual. Sana shrugs and Isak avoids Even’s eye by looking into the fridge.

“Being a genius is hard work,” Sana says smugly, making Isak smirk to himself. He pulled out two water bottles and handed one to her.

“Why don’t you guys join our game? We're just about to start another.” Even offers, trying for lighthearted but Isak could sense the worry in his tone without even looking at him. When he did though, it was clear on his face and that’s probably what made Sana agree so assuredly. Isak looked to the rest of the boys who all had smiles on their faces directed right at Isak. He felt himself frown. _They know._

“I had to tell them Isak! Who else am I supposed to talk to?” Even defended, as if he could read Isak’s mind, which, well, he probably could. Isak sighed.

“Fine whatever,” Isak huffed. “Just don’t look at me like that, it’s just a headache.” He shrugged, rolling his shoulders, uncomfortable underneath all of the stares. It was silent for a few awkward moments while the boys just looked at each other. “Are we gonna play or…?”

“Alright, let’s play.” Mutta smiled widely. Sana announced that she had to go change into more comfortable clothing and then the boys all piled out into the backyard. Even pulled Isak aside quickly.

“I’m sorry I told them, but it’s not like it’s a secret that you had a concussion. It’s okay that it takes a lot out of you to be doing schoolwork.” Even says, lowly, looking into his eyes intently. Isak sighs, hating that he’s made Even look so worried and a little sad.

“Even, it’s okay. I’m fine. My head just started hurting. I’ll be fine.” Isak tells him. “I don’t think you want me on your team though, I’ve still got to take it easy.” He teases. Even smiles.

“Alright, well then you’re going down.” He says, winking and evidently making Isak laugh because _Even, you don’t know how to wink._

“Okay, teams!” Elias shouts out once Sana joins them on their makeshift court.

“I want Sana, Mutta, and Yousef.” Even announces.

“Alright, then I take Adam, Mikael and your baby boy.” Elias teases, poking him in the chest. Even smiles brightly. Isak rolls his eyes.

“I’m only like two years younger but okay.” Isak mumbles. Adam and Mikael pull him into a headlock to ruffle his hair.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Even shouts over their laughter. “Isak has bruised ribs, no roughhousing.”

“Okay daddy Even,” Adam jokes, both of them releasing Isak, who immediately goes to fix his hair. Even chuckles but tries to sound serious.

“No I mean it, if any of you hurt him during this game,” Even starts, getting a smile on his face that everyone watches closely, “You pull any of your crazy shit with him, I’ll stick that ball up your ass and pull the fucking trigger till it goes click.” Even smirks and Isak is bewildered for a moment, watching with wide eyes until suddenly the boys are groaning in annoyance.

“You’ve seen The Big Lebowski way too many times man.” Mikael groans, and Isak chuckles a little. Even laughs loudly.

“Okay but really, don’t hurt him.” Even says, grabbing the ball off the ground and they all seem to get into a formation to start the game. Isak quickly tries to follow as they throw the ball up and start, running around the court while Isak just tries to stay out of the way.

For a while, they were fine without Isak, Elias shooting a few points for their team and all of them seemed to be having fun. Isak is content to just halfheartedly act like he knows what he’s doing. For a moment he gets distracted, looking at Even. He looks so tall and handsome, concentrating on the game, watching every movement. He’s so caught up in how hot his boyfriend is that he just barely hears his name from across the court. At the last second, he looks over and sees the basketball being hurled at him, but he can’t get his arms up fast enough and the ball slams into his chest. Isak doubles over, groaning out in shock as he feels his ribs pulsing in immediate pain.

“Isak!” He hears Even shout from where’s crouching in on himself, holding his chest like that would help him. He squeezes his eyes shut, so as to not throw up from the nauseating pain. As he starts to center himself he feels hands on his body trying to get him to walk. Isak opens his eyes to see all the boys and Sana’s feet all gathered around him. He straightened up a little and saw how horrified they all looked. Sana was rubbing a hand up and down his back comfortingly as the boys just stared like they had broken him.

“I’m fine…” He mumbled, taking in deep breaths.

“Isak, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to throw it that hard!” Mikael pleads and before Isak can brush it off, Even’s turning to him.

“You’re such a fucking idiot, Mik.” He rolled his eyes and all the boys smacked him on the head.

“Guys, I’m fine. It just… hurt, I didn’t mean to be so dramatic.” Isak said, to try and sooth them. Instead, it just made them look a little more worried.

“What do we do? Do you think he broke a rib?” Yousef worriedly asked Sana. She rolled her eyes and carefully felt at Isak’s torso. Isak winced a little but she shook her head.

“He’s okay but, do you still have bruises on your skin?” Sana asked, and Isak nods. “You shouldn’t be doing any kind of physical activity.” She told him, looking to Even as well.

“Can we just, go back to studying?” Isak asked Sana and she nodded, leading him away before the boys could argue. As they walked away he could hear the other guys snapping at Mikael. Sana and Isak go back to studying, taking it a bit slower than normal while the guys played a lackluster pick-up game.

Even kept glancing at the door like he was thinking about going to check if Isak was really okay, since he knew Isak had a tendency to brush off injuries.

“Even, come on, he’s not a kid,” Elias says, snapping his attention back. “I know I call him that sometimes but you really don’t need to stress about him so much.” Even shrugs.

“I think you’ll understand when you fall in love.” He tells him and the boys roll their eyes collectively.

“I think you and Isak are past that, you’ve ascended to a new plane.” Mikael jokes, making Even punch his arm.

“But what’s gonna happen when you guys break up?” Adam blurts out, making the boys fall silent. Even stares at him before creasing his eyebrows together.

“What the fuck man? We’re not going to break up.” Even snaps back, confidently. All the boys look at each other.

“I just… don’t know how you guys are going to live without each other.” Adam says.

“We aren’t going to.” Even answers, like it’s obvious.

“Yeah, I think you guys will be together forever.” Yousef says, smiling softly. Even smiles slightly, as the tension leaves their surroundings. Mikael laughs.

“Honestly bro, when’s the wedding?” He teases, passing the ball to Even. He passes it back.

“I don’t know man, eventually.” Even says, kind of seriously, which makes the boys raise their eyebrows.

“Bro, how are you _sooo_ whipped?” Elias asked. Even laughed and shrugged.

“You guys just don’t get it, I love him.” Even tries but they just start yelling _‘gayyy’_.

~~~

Isak and Even head over to Isak’s house after they leave Sana’s house to go see Isak’s parents who have both been on a business trip for the last two weeks. They both greet Isak and Even with warm smiles and hugs before starting dinner. Isak’s dad sat with him at the table in the kitchen while Even and his mom chopped and seasoned raw chicken.

“What happened?” Isak’s dad asked, brushing his fingers against Isak’s cheek. There wasn’t a prominent bruise anymore but they had both been informed of his injuries from Even’s parents.

“It was dumb, I got sucked into this fight with these guys and I got targeted. I guess.” Isak shrugged. Even scoffed.

“Basically this asshole from Nissen tricked Isak into fighting when he knew that these other boys were going to kick the shit out of him for being gay.” Even said, heat in his tone.

“Even, language.” Isak’s mom chastised.

“Sorry, Mrs. Valtersen.” He apologized genuinely, making Isak smile a little at how adorable his boyfriend was.

“That sounds awful though, are you still hanging out with that asshole?” Isak’s dad asks, making Even snort a little. Isak sighs.

“No, Even did a very good job of scaring him off.” Isak says, and his parents smile at Even. Isak rolls his eyes.

“You need to hang on to him, Isak.” His mom says, coming over to kiss Isak’s cheek. Isak blushed but nodded. He felt so warm at the fact that his parents were so accepting of Even and him dating. Of course, they admitted they always suspected (and hoped) that they’d get together, so it was only a matter of time.

After dinner, Isak and Even went up to his room. Even started a game of Fifa while Isak started looking over his notes to study. Isak’s concussion was making it had to focus on the words and his head was starting to throb but he had to power through if he was going to be back at school on Monday.

“Babe, don’t you think you’ve studied enough?” Even asked after pausing his game to look back at him. Isak shook his head.

“I need to get caught up.” He murmured, highlighting a sentence Sana made sure to reiterate to him so it must be important. Even climbed onto his bed, trying to catch his gaze but Isak kept his head down.

“You’re not going to fall behind from just a week without your insane studying.” Even said, making Isak’s fist clench around his highlighter pen.

“I’ve already fallen way behind, Even.” He told him, annoyance clear in his voice but Even continued.

“Come on, I’m sure your teacher won’t mind.” He said and Isak just huffed, feeling frustrated.

“Leave me alone, I need to study,” Isak tells him, not even looking up as he pushed Even’s face away. Even laughed, scooting closer to him on the bed.

“You’re a genius Isak, I think you’ll be fine.” He assures him, turning around so he was laying on his back. He laid back and placed his head on top of his notes, smiling up at Isak’s grumpy face.

“Even.” Isak groaned, dramatically rolling his eyes.

“Just do it tomorrow, please?” Even pouted, eyes shining happily.

“Why? I can just do it now.” He huffed, not understanding Even’s logic. Even reached up and pushed Isak’s hair back.

“You’re stressed, baby, just take a break.” Even looked worried again, making Isak frown. “Watch a movie with me.”

“Even…” Isak sighed.

“Don’t say you can’t. You can. You’ll be fine.” Even assures him and Isak can recognize that Even probably knows him better than he knows himself. He puffs out a breath of air.

“I just don’t like being behind because of this stupid concussion.” Isak mumbles, frustrated. Even shakes his head.

“It’s alright, you got hurt. It’s not your fault.” He tells him, voice soft and comforting. Isak watched as Even got up and picked up Isak’s textbook and notes, dropping them on his desk before crawling back into Isak’s bed. He pushed him back and climbed on top of his lap. “It’s okay to take a break sometimes.” He whispered to him, eyes warm. Isak felt butterflies in his stomach, but in a good way. In a way that made him wonder if he’d ever get used to how kind Even is.

“Alright.” He agreed, feeling better seeing Even smile. He leaned in and kissed Isak softly.

“Let’s watch a movie.” Even announced, pulling away but Isak wrapped his arms around his neck.

“Wait.” Isak said, making Even look at him expectantly. “Thank you… for looking out for me and making sure I’m not getting hurt. Like not just now, but earlier with the basketball game. You’re just so…” Isak shook his head, not knowing how to put into words how considerate Even is without even trying. “I don’t know how I got so lucky.” Isak says, shrugging a little. Even smiled, his eyes turning into little slits as he huffed out a laugh.

“You’re so sweet, Issy.” Even cooed, leaning in to press kisses all over Isak’s face, making him giggle uncontrollably. Even hugged him closely and Isak felt the world slow down for a moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you guys liked this cute lil chapter, please comment to tell me your thoughts. also, i love every comment and appreciate them so much, do you want me to respond to them lol? 
> 
> thank you so so much for reading this!


	23. James Dean and His Knight in Shining Armor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even's been showing signs of mania lately and Isak just wants to take care of him.

“Does this look like the jacket from the poster?”

“Yeah, it looks just like it.”

“Is it red enough?”

“Red enough? Yeah, it's red, what do you mean?” Isak laughs, watching Even spin around in his bright red leather jacket. Even smiled, but he huffed.

“Do I look like James Dean?” He asked, posing a little and making Isak chuckle.

“You look like him in everything you wear, Even.” He huffed, “We’ve been trying on costumes for an hour. Can we leave?”

“The party’s tonight baby,” Even smiled, pulling Isak into his arms. “And it’s the first one in a long time that we’re actually going to be able to have some fun and get drunk.” Isak nodded, pecking Even on the lips and pulling back to look at his costume. It was Eva’s annual Halloween party tonight and Even had been so excited all month. Isak was finally feeling better from his injuries and things were great. Now Isak felt good enough to go drinking and partying with his friends, and Even was really excited.

Isak watched him closely though, because over the past few months with the fights and Even losing his temper, Isak’s been worried about him. It seems like mania, or at least heightened emotions and that never leads to something good. At this point, he’s dreadfully waiting for a crash. He hopes the crash won’t be too bad though, because even though Even’s been showing signs of mania, he’s also been sleeping fine and seems to have control.

“What am I gonna wear?” Isak asks him, making Even turn and smile brightly at him.

“Well, you could be my Romeo or Christian from Moulin Rouge but that costume would be kind of boring, or you could be a prince,” Even rambled on, counting on his fingers. Isak just shook his head at his boyfriend’s ambitions.

“I can do Romeo.” Isak agrees and Even claps. He smiles as Even takes off the jacket and puts it in their shopping cart before going off to find a knight costume for Isak.

They arrived to the party pleasantly buzzed with Jonas, Mahdi, and Magnus. Even swings an arm around Isak’s shoulders, like he’s trying to communicate that he doesn’t want them to split up. Isak looks up at him and smiles warmly. They dance together drunkenly, taking turns to leave and grab drinks. It’s fun and it’s chill and Isak lets himself go. He’s been confined to his injuries for a month and a half now and it’s so freeing to not worry about anything for a little while.

However, he should’ve worried a little more about Even’s alcohol intake.

“Baby, how many beers have you had?” Isak suddenly asks, close to midnight. He’s been so focused on how happy and drunk he is that he hadn’t realized how his boyfriend’s words have gotten slurred and his dancing has mainly consisted of slumping all over Isak. Even giggles a little, and closes his eyes, leaning his head on Isak’s shoulder.

“I dunno.” He shrugs. “You’re so hot baby,” Even nips and kisses all over his neck while Isak holds onto his waist, trying to balance him.

“And you’re really drunk.” Isak chuckles, nervously. He really shouldn’t have let Even get so drunk, especially when he’s been showing so many signs. Isak sighs and holds on to him tightly. “Let’s get some water, okay?”

“Mmm,” Even hums into his skin, letting Isak lead him away from the crowded living room and into the much quieter kitchen. Even practically collapsed into a chair at the dining table, letting his head rest on the table. Isak felt himself sober up immensely.

“Okay baby, you alright?” Isak asks, rubbing a hand on his back before opening the fridge and finding a water bottle.

“I love it when you call me baby,” Even slurred. Isak sat down in the chair next to him, placing a hand on Even’s neck. His skin was so warm, Isak’s drunken mind just wanted to cuddle with him and sleep off the alcohol. He shook his head, no, he needs to take care of Even and make sure he’s okay.

“Do you wanna go home?” Isak asked him, rubbing at the nape of his neck. Even hummed.

“Wanna sleep,” He murmured.

“Sit up a little so you can drink this and then we’ll go to my house,” Isak told him and Even listened, sitting up and sipping at the bottle for a few minutes. The kitchen felt so distant from the party in the rest of the house. It felt like he and Even were in another world, in another universe.

“I feel sick,” Even croaked, making Isak snap out of his musings about parallel universes.

“You need to throw up?” Isak asked, a little panicked. Even shook his head, sipping more water.

“Maybe later.” Even slurred and Isak knew that if he was less drunk, he’d be a lot more worried about Even but in his intoxicated state he took his word and nodded.

They left soon after Even had nursed another water bottle and Isak did the same. Isak told Eva they were heading out and he led Even out, still having to hold him up by his waist. As they walked to the nearest tram station Isak couldn’t help but laugh a little at how ridiculous they must look. A handsome knight holding a drunk James Dean’s look alike as they stumbled home at almost one in the morning. Quite a sight.

Sleepily, they stripped down to boxers and collapsed into Isak’s bed, not even bothering to cuddle up to each other as usual. Isak quickly passed out without a second thought.

At four he was awoken by retching sounds coming from his bathroom and for a moment he thought he was still dreaming until he remembered Even. He shot up from his bed, feeling his head rush and he stumbled into the bathroom. Even sat on the tile, gripping on to the toilet for dear life as he violently emptied the contents of his stomach.

“Even,” Isak whispered, falling to the tile and holding onto his boyfriend to try and bring him comfort as he shivered. Isak pushed his hair back and gently whispered to him, “It’s okay, you’re okay,” to try and do anything to make him feel better. Even hasn’t thrown up like this for so long. Finally, it was over and Isak grabbed a wad of toilet paper and wiped his mouth gently, kissing the space next to his ear. “Are you okay? Do you feel better?”

“Mmm,” He hummed, sounding a little miserable but he nodded minutely. “Go back to bed.” He whispered, voice hoarse. Isak hesitated but he got up and climbed back under his covers. He watched Even from his place in bed as he brushed his teeth. He walked back into his room and crawled underneath the covers, wrapping them around his body before scooting closer to Isak.

“Are you okay baby?” Isak whispered, coming closer and bringing a hand up to gently hold Even’s face. Even closed his eyes.

“I’ll be fine.” He hums, leaning into his touch. He watches him for a moment before Even suddenly interrupts the silence, “Isak?”

“Yeah?”

“Have I been... weird lately?” Even swallows. “I mean, do you think I’ve been manic?” Isak takes in a deep breath, trying to think of the right words.

“Maybe,” He whispers, and Even just nods his head.

“I’m sorry.” He tells him, but Isak shushes him.

“It’s okay,” He runs his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair, “I’m here for you.”

“I love you.” Even whispers so quietly that Isak almost doesn’t hear it. He leans in and kisses Even’s nose softly and pressing their bodies together.

“I love you too, so much.”

~~~

In the morning Isak wakes up to a stillness in the air that wasn’t unfamiliar. That doesn’t mean that Isak was comfortable. The room was silent as he turned to see Even’s messy blonde head. He was turned away from Isak, curled in on himself. He looked small. Isak watched, with a somber expression. This was the depression. He always felt so sad for his love when he couldn’t help him feel any better.

He looked to the rest of his room; it was a pig sty. He figured maybe he could help by cleaning the surroundings. He got up carefully, even though he knew Even wouldn’t wake up from his deep sleep for another couple hours.

Isak spent the morning cleaning his room for the first time in a while. The amount of candy wrappers, empty chip bags, and soda cans he found made him a little worried about his own health. While sweeping his floors he realized how therapeutic it could feel to clean. For a little while he could forget about the heavy sadness he felt about Even being depressed. He wasn’t sad that Even was bipolar, he was just upset that he felt so helpless because there was nothing he could do besides be there.

While he was picking up clothes from the ground and putting them in a laundry basket, the bed stirred. Isak looked up to see the very top of Even’s head turn towards him. His striking blue eyes looked over the comforter and watched Isak move. They stared at each other for a moment before Isak spoke up.

“Hi,” Isak whispered, wringing the shirt in his hands. “Hungry?” Even breathed out a sigh.

“What time is it?” He croaked out. Isak pulled his phone out of his pocket.

“Almost 12.” He answered. He threw the shirt in his basket. Even watched the shirt.

“What are you doing?” He asked. Isak shrugged.

“Laundry.” He tells him and it’s awkward. They haven’t addressed Even’s depression which is something they usually talk about easily.

“You never do laundry.” Even says, not giving any emotion in his voice. Isak shrugs.

“It makes me feel better when you’re feeling depressed. Like I’m useful.” He admits because he can’t lie to Even. Even’s eyebrows crinkle together a little bit, and he wiggles under the sheets.

“Useful?” Even sounds confused. It makes Isak fidget a little and he bends down to pick up dirty socks.

“I feel like… cleaning is helpful… because I mean… I can’t do anything else to make you feel better. Might as well make your surroundings clean.” Isak stutters, feeling nervous to admit his thoughts. Even’s eyebrows crinkle together fiercely and he shuffles around to sit up a little, letting the comforter fall down and expose his bare chest.

“Isak,” He starts, shaking his head. “You don’t have to _do_ anything to make me feel better. Just you being around is helpful but you don’t need to clean or… do anything, really.” Even says and then breathes in a deep breath like just talking is exhausting. Isak stands still, a little surprised.

“Well, I mean – I like c-cleaning…” Isak tries but Even shakes his head.

“Just… come here.” Even opens the comforter up and even though Isak’s dressed and wearing jeans, he slides under the covers and pulls Even close to him. They cuddle together, enjoying the closeness. Even nuzzles his face into Isak’s soft curls, kissing his head softly.

“Maybe I should go home, so I’m not worrying you so much.” Even whispers, but Isak tightens his grip on Even’s waist.

“No.” He answers firmly. “It worries me more when I’m not with you.” They lay together in silence, enjoying each other’s warmth seeping into their skin. Isak closes his eyes, relishing in the calm but also pleading to the universe or whatever was out there that this episode would pass soon. All he ever wished for was Even to feel okay, to be happy or at least content. It hurt to see him like this.

After dinner, Isak’s parents drive them over to Even’s house. Isak and Even disappear into his bedroom, the drive already exhausting Even. Isak walked over to his bed but not before hearing Even’s mom tell Isak’s parents that they need to talk.

“What could they be talking about?” Isak whispered to his boyfriend. Normally he wouldn’t question it since their parents were best friends but they sounded so serious. Even only shrugged before falling into his bed and dozing off immediately. Isak had laid with him in bed all day though so he didn’t feel very tired. He tip-toes across the room to press his ear against the door and strains to understand his parents muffled voices. It seemed like they were deliberately keeping their voices down.

“ – yeah, I think it’s a great idea.” He heard his dad say.

“You don’t think it’s too soon?” His mother asked, making Isak crinkle his eyebrows together. He heard their voices continue to talk but they were speaking to lowly. Suddenly, Even’s mom’s voice became clearer.

“ – and Isak practically lives here.” She says in a tone that Isak can’t decipher through the door. Nonetheless, he tenses up, feeling overwhelmingly uncomfortable. Is he overstaying his welcome?

“I can’t even tell whose clothes are whose anymore?” Even’s dad says. Isak steps away from the door. He doesn’t want to hear any more. He doesn’t want to hear them say it. Say, ‘we don’t want him around anymore’. Instead of listening, he plugs in his earphones, blasting NWA into his ears and starts picking up clothes and trash around the room. When he gets to Even’s desk he starts organizing papers and comes across Even’s sketchbook that he usually keeps in his jean jacket. Isak opens it to find cute doodles of dinosaurs and guitars. He’s got a drawing of Leonardo DiCaprio in Romeo + Juliet. Isak turns the page to look back at his own face. It’s a little jarring because it’s so detailed. He was sleeping, his hair a mess, but Even captured it perfectly, even drawing little hearts around his curly locks. He turned the page and was surprised to see more.

There was a drawing of him in a snapback, with a biology book in his heads, probably studying. Isak didn’t even realize Even could draw like this, much less that he had been drawing him. There are at least ten more pages of Isak, and he can’t stop staring at each drawing. It felt like he had been standing there for minutes but almost an hour passed before he heard Even shuffling around in the sheets. He looked over to meet Even’s soft gaze. His blue eyes looked a little sunken and dull, panging hurt into his chest. They stare for a moment before Even’s eyes shift to the sketchbook, asking a question with just his eyes.

“Sorry, I just wanted to see your drawings. I didn’t realize you had drawn me so many times.” Isak practically whispers. Even looks like he doesn’t feel like speaking, just nodding his head minutely, so he places the book down and approaches the bed, crawling into the covers and lying next to Even. His arms slowly pull Isak in and nuzzle his head into Isak’s neck, pressing his lips there for a moment before whispering.

“You’re my muse.” Even whispers before his body relaxed, drifting off to sleep again. Isak brought a hand up and rubbed comforting circles on his back.

“I love being your muse.” He feels another press of lips against his neck.

~~~

When Even wakes up on Sunday he wants to fall right back to sleep. His body feels heavy and melts into his bed like it’s his only comfort. He doesn’t drift back to sleep though, because he sees Isak folding clothes at the end of his bed. It feels sickening, Isak shouldn’t have to do all of this for him, he shouldn’t have to be a caregiver or some nurse. He should get to be a teenager who lazes around and plays video games. Not cleaning up after his boyfriend’s mess of a brain.

“Stop. I hate when you do that.” Even mumbles, Isak head shoots up to stare at him with wide eyes. He opens his mouth but nothing comes out.

“I – I’m sorry…” He starts, fidgeting nervously. Even sighs.

“I don’t need a caregiver.” He says and it sounds harsh once it’s out in the air and he can’t take it back. He turns over to lay on his side, burrowing his face into the blankets.

“I’m sorry.” Isak whispers, sounding small. Even feels like shit. _Great, now I’ve made him sad too, I’m such a fuck up._ He hears shuffling before the door closes carefully. _Fuck. Now he’s gone._ Even felt tears spring to his eyes. He felt so low, like everyone was running away from him, _and they should._  As the tears spilled from his eyes he heard the door open again, quickly ducking his head under the comforter to try and pretend like he was asleep. He listened as someone came next to his bed and set down what sounded like a cup. He peeked up to see Isak pushing things around on the nightstand to make room for the cup so it didn’t knock over. Even watched him.

“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to act like a caregiver or whatever. I just love you and want you to be comfortable. I guess… And it keeps me busy.” Isak says, and he’s explained this before, Even knows this. He’s just being stupid and ungrateful. He sighs.

“It’s okay… I just… don’t want to bother you.” Even murmurs and Isak leans down to look at him. Something changes in his eyes and Even realizes he’s still crying. Isak’s eyes turn worried and crying in one second and Even feels like crying even more. This boy cares so much about him and Even’s getting mad at him. “No, I’m sorry.” He pleads, feeling his body curling in on himself. “I should appreciate you – not be pushing you away. I’m sorry, Issy.” He sobs, sniffling harshly. Isak’s fingers tangle into his hair.

“Baby, don’t cry. It’s okay, I forgive you.” Isak tells him and it comforts him but he still feels like such an asshole. Slowly he pulls Isak into the bed and holds him close, breathing in his scent. He nuzzles his nose into his hair, drying his tears.

“I love you so much, I’m sorry.” He whispers, kissing his hair.

“I love you too,” Isak whispers back, “I just want you to keep my promise.” Even stills.

“What promise?” He asks, pulling Isak closer. Isak pushes Even down on his back and lays on top of him. It feels so comforting for Even to feel the weight of his boyfriend and best friend on top of him.

“After your first episode, I promised that I’d look after you no matter what,” He tells him so simply. Even took in a breath, calling back the memory. It felt like that happened lifetimes ago, yet it still took his breath away.

~~~

On Monday morning, Even blinked his eyes against the bright morning sun. He focused on the room, seeing Isak standing against the window, packing his backpack. He looked like an angel backlit by sunlight. Isak slung his backpack on but before he could walk out the door he locked eyes with Even. He gave him a small smile.

“Hey,” Isak greeted, walking closer. “Are you good?” Even reached out and pulled Isak closer to kiss him softly.

“When do you get home later?” Even asked, avoiding the question so he didn’t have to tell Isak how bad he still felt.

“I can skip studying with Sana to get here early,” Isak said, tucking a piece of Even’s hair behind his ear. He shakes his head.

“No, you should study.” Even tells him and tries to smile. Isak leans in and kisses him softly.

“Okay, then I’ll see you at 16.” Isak tells him, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Even says, giving him a genuine smile. Isak stood up and left for school, leaving Even to fall back to sleep.

A little while later, Even woke up to see a piece of paper on his bedside table. Out of curiosity, he reached out and looked at the scrawling that was so obviously Isak’s handwriting. Even smiled a little seeing the cute note Isak had written telling him to drink water and eat the chocolates he left in the fridge. He tried to draw himself at school and a doodle of Even lying in bed but the stick figures don’t really hint Even into the message of the drawings but he assumes it means that Isak is missing him while he’s bored at school. It makes him smile, even if it’s just a little.

For the next week, Isak always left little gifts on the bedside table in an effort to cheer Even up. Surprising both of them, it was working. On Tuesday another note was left for him, this one a little more heartfelt and loving, and a pin with the pansexual flag on it. It warmed his heart and made him feel good enough to shower. On Wednesday, a vinyl version of Nas’ album Illmatic was waiting for him when he woke up and it made him smile so brightly. He had forgotten how long it had been since he smiled. He got up and played the album all day. On Thursday, there was yet another note, waxing cheesy poetry about how much Isak loved Even and it felt so sweet to be reminded that Even wasn’t the whole sappy romantic. The note was taped to a picture frame which had a screenshot of Christian from Moulin Rouge inside it, and it actually made Even laugh. On Friday, Even woke up to a short but sweet note telling him that he’d be there early today because he planned on skipping his classes. Even wanted to text him to tell Isak to stay in school but he didn’t have the heart to when he missed Isak so much. Of course, Isak came back to Even’s house every afternoon and stayed the night, but it wasn’t enough. Isak was a busy boy, constantly doing homework and for some reason, on the phone or talking to Even’s parents. It was odd how much they were talking and how whenever Even asked Isak just changed the subject but he figured it was nothing to worry about. At around noon, Isak came back with a plastic bag in hand and a bright, toothy grin.

“What?” Even questioned, pushing himself up a little in bed. Isak smile somehow got brighter.

“I bought some movies.” He answered, and Even groaned. Isak had the worst possible taste in films, even after all these years of Even showing him all the great ones. “No, I promise you’ll like these.” He placed the bag on the bed and threw his backpack down. Even reached over and started pulling out films, unveiling that they were all cheesy rom-coms that Isak loved and honestly, Even couldn’t find it in him to hate. “Choose a few for us to watch tonight, I gotta go talk to your mom really quick.” Isak told him and disappeared out of the room before Even could question him.

He walked into the kitchen to speak with Even’s mom because while he’s been busy trying to do little things to cheer up Even, he’s also been planning a way to tell Even that they might be moving out together. It was an idea that Even’s mom and dad originally had when they realized that Isak was basically living at their house and if he wasn’t there, then Even was over at the Valtersen’s house. They agreed that they were both mature enough to handle living on their own, especially when Even would have to move out next summer anyway. They all sat Isak down and told them their proposal.

“You want us to move in together?” Isak had questioned, a little surprised.

“We think you are both becoming mature, grown men,” His mother had started.

“And you already live with each other already.” Even’s dad said.

“You don’t think it’s too soon? I mean, I’m still seventeen.” Isak had said to them, a little worried about living on his own.

“We think it’d be good for you two to have your own space, and be able to live like adults. Also, I think it’d be good for Even.” Even’s mom said. She wrung her hands together. “I get worried that maybe if he wasn’t so heavily watched by all of us that maybe his episodes would be less frequent.”

“That’s not really how it works though,” Isak argued. She shook her head.

“I know but… I think it’d be healthy for him to feel more like an adult and to have his own space.” She told him, Even’s dad nodding his head in agreement.

“I agree,” Isak said, but he still felt confused. “So… why are you telling me this?” All of them sighed a little.

“Well we know you love living with Even, so we figured you’d want to get out of the house anyway,” Marianne said, and Isak chuckled a little but shrugged in agreement.

“But, we’re worried that Even will take our suggestion as us not wanting him anymore, or not wanting to look after him,” Olivia said, and Isak nodded. He understood. So they all spoke through their plan. Once Even was feeling better, Isak would propose this as his own idea, that they could move out together and have their own space. Isak knew it would go over a lot better than if Even’s parents suggested it to him. For the last week, Isak had been skipping studying sessions with Sana to pack up his things at home, putting all his possessions in big brown boxes. It felt exciting and made him eager to tell Even about it. But not yet.

When he walked into the kitchen, Olivia was getting off the phone. She turned to Isak with a bright, beaming smile that reminded him so much of Even’s. She jumped a little when she finally told Isak, “I think I found you guys an apartment.”

Isak felt excitement burst in his chest at the idea of his new home with Even. Now he could only hope that Even would find it exciting as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took me so fucking long to update this. i hope you like this chapter, there's more actually plot and fluffy stuff coming soon. should i write more smut? idk. leave a comment to give me your opinion and tell me if you liked this. thank you so so so much for reading this! love you all my chicken tendys


	24. Home Isn't a Place, It's a Person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What? Baby, you can tell me anything.” He tried but he had no idea what Isak needed to say. “What’s making you upset?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i'm sorry i haven't been updating very fast but there's only six more chapters left!!! i hope you like this one. please enjoy <3
> 
> also remember that even though Even is feeling better, he's still depressed and his depressive thoughts are going to try and take over without his realizing it, i'm sure if any of you have depression or depressive episodes than you understand but i just wanted to make sure everyone understood.

Though Isak was cheering Even up throughout the week, he still slept through half of the weekend. He groggily woke up on Sunday to a bright, sunlit room. The curtains had been pulled back and finally Even felt uncomfortable in his bed, just wanting to get out and walk around. His head felt clearer and his eyes didn’t feel so heavy. He looked to his left but the space was empty. His heart tugged, reaching over to feel where Isak had been. _Still warm._ Even sat up a little to reach for his phone. 10:21, Sunday. He raised his eyebrows, a little surprised that Isak let him sleep all the way through the rest of Friday _and_ Saturday. Even looked back to the empty bed, wondering where Isak could be.

He quickly found out once he took a second to realize something was definitely burning in the house. When he approached the kitchen the smell got stronger, but the air wasn’t too smoky so nothing was on fire. Even immediately noticed Isak, standing in the middle of the room with his hands covering his face. He watched him for a moment, confused. Isak was just… standing there while a burnt pancake sat in a pan on the countertop. Suddenly, Isak breathed in a little deeper, letting out the tiniest, wet sob like he just couldn’t keep it in anymore and Even feels his stomach churn. He’s crying. _He’s sobbing._ Even took two giant steps forward to reach out for Isak but as soon as he put his hands on his shoulders Isak was flinching away and scrubbing his face vehemently, trying to wipe all the tears away. Even frowned deeply. Isak was very dramatic and would normally throw a fit or cry about something like burning a pancake or the stress of driving but Even knows that when it’s about something deeper, Isak didn’t want anyone knowing how much it affected him. This wasn’t about a burnt pancake.

“Isak?” Even asked, but Isak was already turning away from him and cleaning up the pancake.

“Sorry about the pancakes, I’ll make more though. Don’t worry, I have more batter.” Isak tells him, sniffling and trying so hard to smile at Even but also avoid him at the same time. Even carefully put a hand over Isak’s which was currently scraping the pancake violently into the sink with a spatula.

“I’m not worried about the pancakes Isak.” Even tells him, using a soft voice that always makes Isak’s knees weak. “Why were you crying, baby?” Isak’s grip on the pan leaves his body, causing him to drop it into the sink and let his arms fall to his sides. He looked down at his feet and Even knew more tears were springing to his eyes. He stepped closer, placing a hand on Isak’s shoulder but he just stepped away again, making Even’s heart hurt.

“I can’t… I can’t tell you.” And now Even was even more worried. What could have happened to make Isak so upset but not be able to talk to him about it?

“What? Baby, you can tell me anything.” He tried but he had no idea what Isak needed to say. “What’s making you upset?”

“I really can’t tell you.” Isak whimpers, looking down at his feet.

“Did something happen to you?” Even asked, making Isak shake his head and shrug at the same time. “Did you do something?” He didn’t even know what he was implying but at this point, he didn’t know what to say.

“Even. I don’t want to talk.” Isak responded firmly, like he was getting frustrated with all the caring questions. Even squinted at him.

“Isak, you were just sobbing in the kitchen and now you expect me to just brush that off?” Even asked him, a little heatedly. Isak looked up at him with red-rimmed, swollen eyes like he had been crying for hours, making Even feel sick.

“Just, forget about it.” Isak tells him, voice weak as he sniffled and wiped his nose on his sleeve.

“Did I do something? Is it something I did or – or didn’t do?” Even asked, practically begging for an answer. Isak sighed.

“No, or – I don’t know. You didn’t do anything, Even.” He says, but he doesn’t sound too confident. Even’s shoulders slump in on himself, feeling so disappointed in himself because the only reason for Isak to be crying must be because of him. Even takes a step back, knowing he doesn’t deserve to invade in Isak’s space.

“I’m sorry, Isak. I didn’t mean to get depressed, I promise I’ll talk to my doctor about stronger medication so maybe I won’t have so many episodes and – “

“No, Even – stop. Please.” Isak is crying again. _Fuck. I’m such a fucking –_ “Even, that’s not… I’m not upset about you having fucking episodes you can’t control. I just – “ He huffs, frustrated. Even watches him with wide eyes as he runs a hand through his curly hair. “Can we go for a walk?”

Even agrees and they bundle up to face the November cold. As they walk, Isak watches his sneakers and Even watches him bundle his face further into his red scarf. It’s a really cute scarf, and it distracts Even for a little while. They walk aimlessly on the empty street with their hands shoved into their pockets and Even thinks they’ve never walked so far apart in their lifetimes together. Usually, they're bumping into each other and stepping on the others shoes and now… Even can barely see the freckles on Isak’s cheekbones because they’re so far apart.

It’s silent, with only birds chirping and faint city sounds until Isak speaks up, voice sounding so damn loud in Even’s mind. “I wanted us to move in together. Into an apartment, away from our parents and everyone.” It shocks his system. Even snaps his gaze away from Isak’s profile to look ahead. He never even imagined that Isak would say something like that. Even was closer to thinking Isak was going to ask to go on a break than thinking he’d ask to move in with him. Still, even in his clouded brain, the word _“wanted”_  breaks through his senses. Isak _wanted_ to move in with him. In the past.

“I’m doubting everything now though because… how the _fuck_ am I supposed to look after you and care for you if I can’t even make a fucking pancake.” Isak says, voice a little thick with emotion. Even shakes his head at that.

“I… I don’t want to live with you either. I don’t want to put you through the pressure and stress of being trapped with me constantly. I think we’d probably end up breaking up.” Even says, rather bluntly, feeling his brain sink deeper into the self-destroying thoughts that still lingered with the depression. He heard Isak let out a quiet sob that sounded like a scream in the silent air. He looked over to see Isak looking at him, tears streaming down his face but he quickly looked away and walked faster, leaving Even to trail behind. Even watched him sit on a bench a little bit ahead of him.

He walked up just as Isak started crying harder, breath coming short and uneven. He buried his face in his hands that were shaking from the cold, or maybe from the sobbing. Even’s heart broke even more but he wasn’t sure what to do. Even can’t make Isak live with him, it would be like torture for the sweet boy.

Even sat next to him, placing a hand on Isak’s shaking knee to try to bring him some comfort.

“I should’ve known you wouldn’t want to live with me.” He sobbed. “I’m this dumb _kid_ asking you for everything and I’m so _stupid!_ ” Isak stomped, angry at himself. Even scooted closer to wrap an arm around Isak’s shoulders. He only cried harder. “I packed my whole fucking room up and planned for this and talked with our stupid parents and fucking found an apartment and I should’ve _known_ you wouldn’t want to do this. I’m such an idiot.” He cried, stomping his foot once more and pulling at his hair briefly. Even stared at him, in awe. This time the shock felt different. Before it was like an electrocution; now it felt like when the ocean hit you with a wave of cold water. It felt like waking up. Isak really thought about this, he was ready, he _wanted_ so badly to move in with him. Even felt his eyebrows crinkle together.

“You… really want to live with me?” Even asked, and he sounded so confused and awestruck that Isak actually scoffed.

“I’ve been living with you for practically seventeen years,” Isak says, still sobbing but somehow was able to sound sarcastic. Even stills. Suddenly it all connects in his stupid brain. Even depressed he can see how much Isak loves him and cares for him, and earlier, Isak wasn’t trying to say that he felt pressured to _babysit_ Even but he just wanted to love him. Even felt his heartstrings tug at the thought. Isak just wants to love him and Even told him he doesn’t want to live him. He instantly realizes there would be no difference in living in an apartment with Isak than how they are now.

“I’m such a fucking asshole.” Even huffs, scooting farther away from his boyfriend. He threw his head back to look at the grey sky above him. Maybe it’ll start raining on them, mirroring how they both feel right now.

“What?” Isak asks, sitting up a little. Even looks over and stares at his boyfriend. He looks so young, with his red scarf and mittens and tear-stained face. He looked confused.

“Isak… I’m sorry.” Even started. “I didn’t mean what I said… I wasn’t thinking, I was just… thinking I didn’t want you to hate me.” Isak sputters.

“What? Even, I don’t – I could never hate you.” He told him, getting a little angry.

“Well if you had to live with me and deal with me every day then – “

“Even! I already live with you every day. I already _deal_ with your pretentious movies and bad music taste.” Isak shouted, gesticulating wildly. Even watched with wide eyes.

“And… I mean – my bipolar disorder, you have to deal with that and it stresses you out.” He says, and Isak slaps his arm. He groans.

“I – ugh!” Isak shouted, frustrated, and Even stared at him in surprise. Isak put his head in his hands. “I’m not _dealing_ with you, I _love_ you and I want to make you feel better. It only stresses me out when I do something to make everything worse, but – but you. It’s not you, it’s not your fault.” He stutters. “I wanna live with you and be with you forever because I want to have a life with you. I want us to have a home together.” He finishes, looking up at Even’s shocked face. “Why do you seem so surprised by that? You don’t… You don’t feel the same way.” Isak said sadly, and quickly, Even shook his head.

“No no no, I… Isak this is a lot. I’m trying to think because I really _really_ don’t want to ruin this. I don’t want to be the reason you’re crying in the kitchen or in bed or anywhere and… and I just want to make you happy.” He tells him.

“Being with you makes me happy.” Isak whispers, his body hunched over and sinking in on himself, “And you aren’t going to ruin this. We’ve been living together for so long, how much different will it be?” He says softly, finally calm now. Even sighs.

“I think it’ll be better, now that I’m really thinking about it.”

“Really?” Isak asks, hopeful. Even nods, with a little smile that makes Isak smile a little too.

“I think having our own space together that belongs to us instead of having my room and your room will be… nice.” Even says, his smile growing with Isak’s as they scoot closer together on the bench. Even’s arms reach out to pull Isak in closer. “Plus you’ve already done all this packing and planning. It’d be a shame to let all that go to waste.” Isak chuckled.

“Yeah, I’ve been working my ass off.” Isak relaxes into Even’s arms, wrapping his own arms around his boyfriend’s waist.

“Really?” Even murmurs.

“Really. I’ve been skipping study sessions with Sana to pack up my bedroom and then yesterday I spent all day looking at the apartment and meeting people. It was exhausting.” Isak said into Even’s neck, cuddling up to him like he was planning to fall asleep on this bench.

“You… There’s an apartment?” Even pulled Isak up a little, surprised, and looked at his face. Isak nodded.

“It’s like a five minute walk from Nissen cause I know you like walking. It’s kind of small but your mom knows the landlady so the rent won’t be that expensive so we can focus more on buying furniture.” Isak rambles and Even can only stare at how grown up his boyfriend suddenly is. “My dad is giving me money to buy us a few things like a couch and kitchen stuff but we’ll take my bed and your TV, and probably both of our desks and one of our dressers since we kind of already share all our clothes already and – “

Even cut him off with a deep, passionate kiss. They haven’t kissed like this in a _week_ and Even feels all the tension and doubts melt out of his brain. Isak sighs like he understands the feeling and Even wants to cry. There’s a boy out there that loves him this much and only wants to be with him for the rest of his life and he’s _kissing him_ and _holding him in his arms_ and Even feels like he could do this. He wants to do this, and he needs to do this. He only wants to be near Isak for the rest of his life. In every universe.

Suddenly, Isak pulls back, looking at Even with fear in his eyes, “But… what if you’re right?”

“About what?”

“What if we break up?” Isak asks with such a small, worried voice that it makes Even’s face contort into sadness.

“Baby, if living together was a problem for us, we would’ve broken up before we even got together.” He tells him, giving him a smile and tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. Isak smiled so wide that Even mirrored him. They sat on that bench for a while that day, letting it all sink in until they were giddy with excitement.

~~~ 

After that, everything was easy. They packed up Even’s room and got Jonas, Magnus, and Mahdi to help them transfer all their stuff. In a week’s time, they were standing in their _own_ apartment, all alone. No parents, no annoying friends, just Isak and Even.

And about forty boxes waiting to be unpacked.

“This is gonna take a lifetime.” Isak groaned.

“Well good thing we have that long together.” Even says with a cheesy grin as he slings an arm around his shoulder. Isak pushes him off.

“Not if you’re gonna act like this is a fucking rom-com.”

“You love it.”

“Whatever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys guys guys, okay so this is kind of the last chapter! but not really because i'm going to write SIX reallyyy long epilogue chapters through their lives together as they hit important milestones. 
> 
> so obviously I want these chapters to be super long so it'll take a little while to write those but i'm going to try and pause all my other fics to finish this one. I hope you liked this chapter! and since the main plot is done, comment some moments you'd like to see between them and i cant fit them into the epilogues. 
> 
> please comment your thoughts and ideas! love you all my lil dandelions and thank you so so so much for reading <3 <3 <3


	25. Do you think about our future a lot?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You've got our whole future planned out, don't you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay sorry if there are any mistakes, i literally tried revising it like five times and my computer crashed everytime so i'm just gonna post it. sorry.

_ One Year Later. _

Warm nights spent under the warm sheets with Even are Isak’s favorite moments. There’s a lot of moments that come close, like the convenience of showering together, the familiarity of making tea and breakfast together in silence, the comfort of coming home after a long day to smell dinner already being made; but the soft, warm nights are Isak’s favorites. Neither of them could have ever imagined how much they’d enjoy living together, but it’s like falling in love all over again.

Lying in bed, wrapped in duvets to protect them from the cold November nights, their hands roamed each other’s bodies as they whispered their thoughts out loud.

“Why do you think there are so many breeds of dogs?” Even whispers into their silent bedroom. Isak snuggles closer to him, chuckling a little bit against his bare skin.

“I don’t know.” Isak shrugs with a smile. “Why would I know?”

“You’re the smart one.”

“You’re the one going to university.”

“Yeah, for _film._ ” Even scoffs. “You’re going to _med school_ next year.”

“If I get in.” Isak whispers, not really wanting to think about it right now, considering any day now he should be getting an acceptance letter… or the rejection letter. Even scoffed again.

“Shut up, you’ll get in.” He says, but Isak hits his arm.

“Don’t jinx it. There’s still a huge chance that they’ll reject me.” He tells him and Even sighs.

“When did we get so old?” Even breathes out.

“What?” Isak asks.

“Here we are thinking about uni and jobs and the _future_ and… we used to just worry about what our parents were making for dinner or if we should watch a movie or play Fifa.” Even sighs and Isak chuckles again.

“We’re adults now.” He smiles but Even groans, shuffling around to pull Isak closer and snuggling into his neck.

“No! I don’t want to have responsibilities.” He whines and Isak laughs.

“You don’t even take care of the responsibilities you do have!” Isak argues, laughing loudly into their small little world. Even gasps, pulling away and putting a hand on his chest, as if he was appalled.

“Excuse me?” He gasps again. Isak raises his eyebrows, copying his boyfriend’s common mannerism.

“Did you do the laundry today?” Isak asks with a smile.

“Uh, yeah.”

“You put the wet clothes in the dryer?” Even scowled at him.

“Okay whatever, but sometimes you forget things too! Like you don’t always do the dishes.” Even accused but Isak chuckled and pulled Even down to cuddle up to him again.

“I love you.” He hums, smiling softly. Even wraps his arms around Isak to pull him as close as possible and nuzzled his nose into his hair.

“I love you too… And I know you’ll get into UiO.” He whispers.

“Thank you baby.” Isak smiles, kissing the skin of Even’s neck. They’re both silent for a moment and Isak is sure that Even’s finally drifted off before he suddenly speaks again.

“Do you think about our future often?” He asks, voice barely above a whisper as his breath tickles his ear. Isak hums.

“Of course.”

“Do you see a puppy in our future?” Even asks and Isak groans a little.

“Even, we cannot get a dog.” Isak says.

“Baby pleeeeaaaasssseeeee.” Even whines, peppering kisses all over the side of his head sleepily. It’s probably one in the morning and they really should be focused on trying to sleep.

“We can’t. We don’t have time to take care of a dog and we definitely don’t have the money.” Isak mumbles, opening his eyes to glance at their “Adventure Funds”. It was a big glass jug where they save they’re extra money in case they ever wanted to do something spontaneous. Isak already had ideas on how to spend it, and it wasn’t on a dog.

“I want a puppy Issy… We’d be great dads.” Even whispers sleepily and Isak smiles a little. His boyfriend is so adorable. Before they could discuss a puppy any further, Isak was drifting off to sleep in the comfortable, soft, familiar warmth of _home_.

~~~

Three weeks later it was mid-November and Isak was still waiting for a letter from University of Oslo. He was getting a little tense. Okay, a lot tense. He used all of his energy on analyzing everything about himself and his application that could’ve made admissions say no. This over-analyzation caused even more stress, of course. He used every ounce of free time on studying for his mid-term exams, cutting out all free time with the boys or with Even. He hadn’t even had a real conversation with Even in a week and Even was walking on egg shells, waiting for his tense boyfriend to finally explode.

On Thursday, the tension unraveled.

“Even! You know how much I hate having to rewash our fucking clothes just because _you_ let them sit there get all gross!” Isak shouts, slamming the front door behind him and throwing his bag down on the floor. Even set down the sandwich he was making. _Fuck,_ Even thought, _the letter still hadn’t come._ Isak stormed into the kitchen, standing in the doorway with a flushed face, contorted in anger. Even looked at him with a sheepish smile.

“I know, baby, I’m so sorry – “ Even tried. Isak groaned.

“You’re not sorry! You’ve done this like a million times, Even.” He shouted and Even just watched him, knowing he wasn’t really mad at him, he’s just angry about the uni letter – or rather the lack of one. “You were here all fucking day, doing _nothing,_ and – “ Even laughs bitterly, feeling angry bumble in his own stomach now.

“Doing nothing?” He can’t help but argue. That stung a little. “You know you’re not the only on who’s stressed about school, right? I have a whole film project I’m working on and scheduling _all day_ while also remembering to clean our bathroom, and pay the electric bill and oh, go grocery shopping even though it is your turn.” Even ranted. Isak crossed his arms like he always did as a child and rolled his eyes. “You’re not the only one who’s stressed out, Isak, so don’t come in here and take out all your anger on me.”

“You don’t understand.” Isak mumbled, eyebrows crumpling together. Even scoffed.

“Stop being a brat.” He huffed, trying to get Isak to snap out of his bad attitude. “I _completely_ understand. I was in your exact position earlier this year and I’m not a genius like you; I had to retake my last year and had about a billion absences. I _completely_ understand.” He snapped. Isak rolled his eyes again and stormed out of the kitchen. Even sighed, knowing Isak knew Even was right, he just didn’t want to admit to being wrong. Even turned back to his sandwich, collecting his thoughts before walking out to their bedroom, ready to offer the other half to Isak.

When he stepped into their room, Isak was furiously _(overdramatically)_ packing a duffle bag. Even set the plate down on their table, coming up behind him to grab the bag and set a comforting hand on Isak’s arm.

“Wha – Even!”

“No. You’re not leaving.” Even told him firmly, trying not to let his panic sink into his tone.

“Yes! I am! I’m going home.” Isak shouted. Even frowned, heart aching.

“This is your home, Isak.” He said, and Isak huffed, avoiding eye contact. “Is, just… what’s wrong? It’s only been a few weeks, you’ll get the letter soon.” Even tried pulling him closer but Isak pulled away, crossing his arms. “Why are you trying to hurt me?” He blurted out.

Isak’s head snapped up and stared at him in what looked like shock and shame. He opened his mouth helplessly before he was grabbing the bag again and heading for the door. Even tried his best to stop him.

“Isak, can we talk about this? You can’t just run away.” He told him, urgency filling his tone as he moved frantically to try and block the front door.

“We need a break.” Even’s breath caught harshly, his heart stopped beating. “Just let me go for a night.” Isak spoke stoically and unemotional. Even grabbed his wrist, trying to get him to stop going for the door.

“No, we need to talk.” Even finally caught his eyes, pleading, “Please, Isak.” His green eyes shifted to look watery and sad. He broke their staring contest to look down at his bag before dropping it pathetically on the ground. He took a deep breath, toeing off his shoes and taking his keys out of his pocket.

“I’m just gonna… go outside… for a minute.” He mumbled, voice low and a little choked as he placed the keys in Even’s pocket. Even nodded, agreeing but at the same time he desperately needed him in his sight right now. Isak moved around him though and shut the door, leaving Even in silence.

He sighed heavily, wishing and praying to whatever God or the universe that Isak would get his damn acceptance letter already.

Even paced the apartment for ten minutes until finally the front door opened again. He rushed to the entrance, seeing Isak rub away tears.

“I’m sorry, I’m so stressed.” Isak whimpers and Even wants so badly to wrap him up in a tight hug but Isak continues, “I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I’m sorry I said that shit.” He sniffles, looking up to him with bright, tear-filled, terrified eyes. “I know you’re busy and stressed about your own schoolwork. I just…” Isak choked on a sob.

“Let’s sit down.” Even whispers, feeling anxious standing in their doorway. He reached for Isak’s hand and led him to their bedroom, sitting in the middle of the bed. Isak pulled his hand away to wipe at his eyes again.

“I’m so scared that I won’t be good enough and then… what am I gonna do if I don’t make it?” He whimpered so softly. “I’m so scared.” Even felt tears spring to his own eyes, heart hurting so badly.

“Baby,” Even sounded choked up as well, voice wet with unshed tears. “You can’t think like that… You’ll be okay. You’ll make it.” Isak lets out a sob and Even quickly pulls him into his lap and held Isak close as he cried against his neck. Even rubbed up and down his back. Isak shook against his body, crying harder.

“Isak,” Even whispered, “Minute by minute.”

“I – I can’t – “ He sobbed. Even kissed the side of his head.

“Yes you can. Just worry about the next minute, okay? You don’t have to think about anything else. No talk about the future or the letter or our future puppy – “

“We are not getting a puppy.” Isak chuckles wetly and Even takes it as a small victory.

“Shh…” He jokes, kissing his temple. “In the next minute I’m gonna hold you. Okay? And then we’ll eat the sandwich I made.”

“Okay,” Isak nods into his neck and snuggles closer as he sniffles and calms down. Even rubs a hand up his back, through his hair and back down, repeating the action for several minutes.

~~~

For the next few weeks Isak was able to calm down and live in the now. He still studied to much and didn’t eat or sleep very well but Even was there to help him and take care of him. On December 4th it had officially been two months since he heard anything from UiO and Isak was having a rough day and Even knew it.

He hadn’t eaten all day and snapped at Even this morning, feeling terrible about it right afterwards. Even knew he had to do something to brighten up his mood.

When Isak came home that afternoon, he had no clue what he was walking into. There was a sticky note on the door with his name on it and a note saying Please Knock in Even’s messy handwriting. Isak quirked an eyebrow but he knocked loudly and immediately heard – _the sound_.

 _Barking._ Or rather, yipping.

“Oh fuck, noooo…” He groaned, “Even!” He knocked again. The door swung open to reveal Even’s bright smile as he held a tiny, but loud _(so fucking loud)_ golden puppy. The puppy stopped barking at Isak in favor of squirming and licking Even’s neck.

“Even, what the fuck!?”

“Meet Baz!” Even cheered, cuddling the puppy closer and nuzzling his face in his fur and Isak _tried_ to scowl, he really did but… have you _seen_ golden retriever puppies? They’re so fluffy and happy and Isak couldn’t help but think Baz looked like a puppy version of Even with how bright they were both smiling. He stepped into the apartment, closing the door and watching Even set the puppy down and chased him into the bedroom. _Oh no,_ Isak sighed, _they’re so fucking cute._ Isak sighed.

“Even, we can’t afford a dog.” He said, trying to play a little bit of bad-cop. As he made his way into their bedroom he watched Even on the floor playing tug of war with Baz. There were toys everywhere, a puppy bed at the end of their bed, and a huge bag of food. Isak immediately looked at their Adventure Funds. Shockingly, it looked the same as always, only about a quarter way full.

“I got money from my mom and then she told your parents about our situation and they chipped in as well.” Even told him, petting the dog who was rolling on the floor enthusiastically.

“Our situation?” Isak questioned, raising an eyebrow. Even finally looked up at him with a soft smile.

"Having a pet reduces anxiety and stress. It can give someone purpose and make them feel... better." Even smiled, still rubbing the puppy's stomach with his big hand. Isak watched him for a moment, letting his words sink in. It was a lot to process; that someone cares about him so much to get another living being to help him feel better. Isak wanted to cry but instead he set his backpack down and took his shoes off, sitting on the floor next to Even.

"Thank you..." He whispers. Even takes his hands off of Baz to wrap his arms around Isak's body and pull him in to kiss his lips in a silent 'I love you'. Isak brings a hand up to thread into Even's hair, practically climbing into Even's lap to get closer. They kiss until suddenly Even is just giggling against his lips. Isak pulled back to see Baz licking at Even's bare feet. Isak stares at the puppy, a small smile growing on his lips.

"He's adorable." He admits and Even smiles brightly, matching Baz's expression. Even scoops up Baz into his arms.

"And he's our son!" Even smiles, kissing the dog's head. Isak lifts his hand to touch Baz's soft ears. He never had a dog, or even a pet, except for when Even had a pug for a few years when they were toddlers, but actually owning a dog and taking care of it was a lot different. Baz squirmed in Even's arms and escaped, waddling into Isak's lap and staring up at him. He was so happy and small as Isak carefully pet his fluffy fur and smiled at him.

"Do you like him?" Even asked, sounding shy. Isak looked up at him, pretending to be offended.

"Of course," He smirked, "Who do you think I am?" They laughed a little and then Isak's face turned soft, "He looks like you." Even rolls his eyes and chuckles a little.

"I got him because he reminded me of you." Even told him, raising his eyebrows with a smirk. Isak rolls his eyes.

"Hi Baz," Isak turned to the puppy, kissing his little wet nose. Baz barked out a little excited yip and licked Isak's face. They spent the whole rest of the evening playing with their new puppy, even forgetting to make dinner so they ordered Chinese and ate in bed while Baz slept at their feet. They had "Friends" playing in the background as they finished eating, but Isak's brain was caught up in his own thoughts. Even noticed, of course.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked, stuffing his mouth with his last bit of rice and chicken. Isak hummed, staring at Baz.

"We've got a family." Isak blurts out, " _We_ are a family." He looks over to his boyfriend who has stopped chewing. Even raised his eyebrows and looked over at Baz. Isak watched in silence as he chewed and swallowed. He put his food on their bed side table next to Isak's empty carton and turned back to him.

"Yeah but... That's chill, right?" Even said, looking back to Isak with a worried expression. Isak smiles a little.

"I just didn't expect to feel like this so early on in life... like I have a family, you know?" He tries to explain.

"I think when we get married it'll really feel like we're a family." Even says. Isak coughs a little, raising his eyebrows.

"When we get _married_?" Isak questions but his heart is beating twice as fast. Even raises his eyebrows at him.

"You don't think we'll get married?" He asks and Isak can confidently admit that no, he's sure they'll get married. _100% positive_.

"It's just... surprising, I guess... to talk about it." Isak says, "But I know we'll get married. Unless you break up with me, obviously." Isak says seriously but Even chuckles.

"I'm not gonna do that." He smiles.

"Guess I'm stuck with you then." Isak shrugs, smiling as well.

"Yeah, and our son, Baz! Come here boy," Even shouts, waking up Baz and making him bound across the bed to attack Even with fluff and wet kisses.

"Stop calling him our son," Isak laughs, leaning over to kiss the puppy's head. Even laughs.

"He _is_ our son and we love him." Even cooed and Isak quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Why are you calling him our son? He's a dog." Isak questions as Even hugs the puppy to his chest. He smiles.

"We have to practice being dad's for when we get married." Even says so surely that it makes Isak blurt out a laugh.

 

"You've got our whole future planned out, don't you?" Isak sighs, trying not to get too stressed about the idea of having an actual human to take care of. Having this dog's life in his hands is enough responsibility.

"I can't wait to be a dad, I've always loved kids." Even hums, "But that won't be for a while." Isak smiles softly at him.

"At least we don't have to worry about unplanned pregnancy." Isak jokes and Even giggles, his face bright and smiley for the first time in a while. Isak feels so guilty all of a sudden; he's been so stressed out that he'd forgotten about looking out for Even. Isak looks down, fidgeting with his fingers.

"Even..." He murmurs and Even's cooing at Baz stops.

"Yeah, baby?" Even looks up and his face contorts into concern, "What's wrong?" Suddenly the puppy bounds across the bed to snuggle into Isak's lap. He feels comforted by it immensely and is so thankful for Even.

"Nothing's wrong, I'm just sorry I've been stressed and I haven't been a good boyfriend. I haven't paid any attention to you in a while and I'm sorry." Isak apologizes, and instead of fidgeting he starts petting Baz. "You're so thoughtful and I'm so glad I have you."

"Aw, Isak." Even whispered, climbing over to hug Isak carefully, Baz still rubbing against his stomach. "I understand. You don't need to apologize for being stressed." Isak hums, turning to kiss Even's jaw. Slowly, they made out while a little puppy licked at Isak's hands. Baz barked and the two boys pulled away with a laugh, turning their attention back to their little _son_.

~~~

"Did you buy bread?"

"We needed bread?"

" _Even_!"

"Baby, I'm joking. You've reminded me about a _trillion_ times, how could I forget?"

"Asshole."

"When are you getting home?"

"Like, five minutes? I don't know Baz still hasn't gone to the bathroom." Isak told him as he pulled back Baz for the tenth time on their 15 minute walk. They had walked around the block three times and Baz stopped to smell every flower and tree and fellow dog when one passed but he still hadn't done his business.

"At least you're both getting some exercise," Even says and Isak scoffs.

"I go to the gym."

"You _went_ to the gym. _Once_. For like half an hour." Even shot back and Isak rolled his eyes.

"Yeah _, whatever_."

"Hey Isak!" Isak looked up to see Hans from his Norwegian class walking towards him. He smiled kindly but Hans stopped him and gestured to Baz. "I didn't know you had a puppy, who's this little guy?" Hans bent down and started petting Baz, who yipped and smiled widely.

"Who is that?" Even asked on the other end, or more like demanded. Isak rolled his eyes at his boyfriend before ignoring him.

"His name's Baz, my _dumb_ pretentious boyfriend named him." Isak said to Hans but Even heard it loud and clear, scoffing into the phone. Isak tried not to snicker.

"That's cute, your boyfriend must be good at getting cute things." Hans smirked. It was a horribly bad attempt at flirting yet Even still sputtered.

"Is someone _flirting_ with you?" Even asks, making Isak laugh with his affronted tone, "Tell him to stop!"

"Yeah, he's cute too..." Isak says, and Hans stands up to smirk at Isak.

"Yeah, I've heard... but uh, Isak?" Hans started and Even groaned. "Is that serious?"

"Huh?" Isak questioned. Even gasped.

"Tell him we're getting fucking married or something. Or that we're already married," Even told him urgently. Isak giggled, making Hans quirk an eyebrow.

"Yeah uh... It's pretty serious. We have a puppy, and an apartment." Isak says and Hans lowers his gaze to the puppy, seeming so disappointed. Isak almost felt bad for him, wanting to say yes to a date just to put a smile back on his face. "Sorry, Hans."

"Don't say sorry!" Even groans in his ear and Isak has to try very hard not to let out a chuckle. "Tell him to fuck off."

"Well if you ever find yourself single then... you know where to find me." Hans smiles, softly before walking off, saying goodbye. Isak laughs a little before continuing his walk.

"Isak!" Even shouts in the phone. Isak laughs harder.

"What?" He asks innocently.

"Wow... good to know you've got backup boys just waiting patiently until we crash and burn." Even says sarcastically.

"Baby – “

"Here I am, being a lovely future husband, cooking you dinner and buying you groceries and you're figuring out my replacement!"

"Baby, I won't need to replace you." Isak giggles.

"Oh, sure!" Even says and then they're both laughing and Isak's opening the door to their building.

"I'll be there soon." Isak says as he walks Baz over to the elevator.

"Okay, don't meet any more cute guys on your way here." Even says, pretending to be all annoyed. Isak laughed and hung up.

Walking into the apartment, Isak immediately noticed the great smells and dim lighting.

"What's going on?" Isak asked, seeing Even walk out of the kitchen with champagne and glasses. Even smiled brightly, setting the glasses down.

"I've been keeping something from you." He smiles, as Isak quirks an eyebrow at him.

"What?" He asks but Even gestures for him to sit down. Slowly, Isak sits and watches warily as Even turns and pulls a large envelope out from behind their TV. "What – “

"It came this morning and I... I think it's good news." Even smiles, pushing the envelope into Isak's hands. He turns it over and looks at the return address. University of Oslo. Isak's breathing sped up.

"Fuck." He breathed, opening it slowly.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Even screamed. Isak looked at him with wide eyes before Even grabbed his camera and started recording. Isak rolled his eyes before looking back at the envelope. He ripped it open and read the start of the letter.

"Congratulations, Isak Valtersen, you have received this letter to inform you regarding your acceptance to University of – “ Isak cut himself off with an excited squeal that would've been embarrassing if anyone else was with him. He stood up and pulled Even into a hug, not caring about his camera not getting a good shot. Even set his camera down and then wrapped his long arms all the way around Isak's waist tightly. Isak laughed happily, jumping and wrapping his legs around Even's hips to hold him closer.

"Baby, I'm so proud of you," Even told him, kissing all over his neck. Isak giggled as Baz started yipping at them, begging to be let in on the love fest. Isak looked at Even, smiling widely before they kissed sweetly. "Do you feel better?" Even asks him, pulling back a little. Isak nodded.

"But not _just_ because of the letter." Isak smiles, pressing his lips to Even's again. "I love you so much."

"I love you too." Even hums with a dopey smile on his face. They both looked like love sick idiots but Isak loved it. He loved _them_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be cuter than this, i promise
> 
> i have exams coming up so im sorry it's taking me so long to update
> 
> if you liked this chapter please leave a comment <3 love you all my lil pups


	26. We're Two Halves of a Whole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s June 2020, Isak has just finished his second year of university and Even is in his third. They both have a break and Even has suspiciously been talking a whole lot about their futures together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you all enjoy :) also sorry i don't know much about denmark

_ Two and a half years later – June 2020 _

 

Isak has a plan. He’s been paying attention to Even, like always, but now Even’s been suspiciously romantic. Isak has noticed their impending marriage life be mentioned casually by Even at least three times a week. Everything is good right now, it feels perfect. Baz is happy and healthy, growing bigger every day and Even hasn’t had an episode since high school. His meds have finally been balanced enough and Isak knows he’s feeling so much better and in control. Isak knows he’s ready, they both are.

He wants to propose.

It isn’t a hard decision or something he has to think long and hard about. He _knows_ he wants to spend the rest of his life with Even but… Even is the romantic one, Even has the big plans and gestures and Isak can’t live up to that. He wants to try though, because Even is always going out of his way to do incredibly sweet things and it would mean the world to him if Isak proposed. But Isak can’t fucking think of anything good enough for the love of his life.

It feels like it should be easy; Isak’s known him for almost 21 years. And –

“Wait,” Isak blurts out. Jonas looks up at him with a quirked eyebrow. “I’m about to be twenty one.” Jonas looks around, confused.

“Where did that come from? I thought we were talking about proposal ideas?” Jonas asks.

“Yeah but, bro, Even has this weird obsession with the fact that we live on the second floor and apartment 21, and the scene where Romeo and Juliet kiss in the pool is at minute 21:21, and that I was born on June 21st at 21:21,” Isak says and Jonas hums.

“That is kind of rad.” He agrees, making Isak roll his eyes.

“Well maybe I could propose near my birthday,” Isak suggests and Jonas nods.

“Yeah that’s good but… that’s less than three weeks away. You still don’t have a plan,” Jonas points out, making Isak groan.

“I know. Ugh. I hate that all I want to do is talk to my best friend about this but, he’s literally the one I’m proposing to.” Isak groans. Jonas smiles.

“That must be nice though,” He says, “I wish I could fall in love with my best friend,” Isak laughs.

“Yeah, I don’t think Vilde would be chill with you being in love with Eva.” They both laugh but then Jonas makes a noise like he’s remembered something.

“Oh, Even’s being talking about Denmark a lot recently,” Jonas tells him, with a mouth full of kebab. Isak hummed, throwing his head back to look up at the trees above him. They were sat outside a dog park, letting Baz run around with other dogs as they ate kebab which probably wasn’t the best idea at a dog park but they were trying to brainstorm.

“Yeah, he’s been watching a ton of Danish films and making me watch them but I always fall asleep. I feel kind of bad,” Isak said.

“Well maybe you guys could take a trip there and let him obsess and be happy. I’m sure he’d like to know you’ve been listening to him,” Jonas suggests.

“Yeah… That’s not too bad,” Isak agrees, looking over at Jonas. “He’s been talking nonstop about how pretty all the castles are and how cool Copenhagen would be.”

“You have three weeks, why not book a trip and travel around getting Airbnb’s and staying near the Kronborg castle,” Jonas says and Isak nods. That doesn’t sound too bad and he did get money from his parents to do something with Even this summer anyway. Plus they’ve been saving up Even’s tips from Kaffebrenneriet in their Adventure Funds jar. Isak looked over to see Baz rolling around in the grass with a German Shepard.

“What about Baz though? We can’t bring him.” Isak huffs.

“I can take care of him,” Jonas says and Isak looks over at him. Jonas shrugs, “I love Baz, it can’t be that hard,” Isak laughs.

“He’s a mess, your furniture is gonna be destroyed by the end of day two,” Isak tells him, already trying to figure out if his parents are gonna be in town for the rest of the month.

“I’ll do it. I’ll have to practice anyway for when you guys have a baby.” Jonas says and Isak huffs out a shocked laugh.

“Marriage first. Then we can talk about the prospect of babies,” Isak tells him and Jonas just laughs. “So you think a trip to Denmark would be good enough?”

“Yeah, totally. You could do some cute movie shit that he’d like.” He suggests, but Isak already had that thought in his head.

“We just saw Love Simon and he cried like ten times,” Isak muses, “I could propose on a ferris wheel. He loved that scene so much.”

“That’s sweet,” Jonas smiles.

“Is it too gay?”

“I think anything you do is gonna be gay… considering,” Jonas tells him seriously, and they both laugh loudly, making other dog parents stare at them. They go back to talking about mundane topics, like Isak’s professors and how Jonas mouthed off to his new roommate about capitalism. On the way home, they stopped at a jewelry store, and Jonas waited outside with Baz who was panting happily.

It felt awkward and he was so out of his depth but all he knew is that he loved Even and he had no clue what to get a guy. Obviously girls get the diamond engagement that look flashy and cost thousands of dollars but, Even wouldn’t want that. There’s a guy at the counter, watching him while Isak looks through the glass at the ones that look more suitable for Even. Isak understands why this guy would be eyeballing him, considering he’s wearing a dirty white tee shirt, black jeans and a bomber jacket, plus a Lakers snapback, making him look like he’s still a dumb teenager.

“The women’s rings are on the other side,” The guy snaps, snottily. Isak looks up, confused.

“No, I – “ _Oh right, heterosexual people exist_. Isak almost forgot. “I’m proposing to my boyfriend.” The man’s eyebrows shoot up and a bright smile crosses his face. Isak looks down to read his nametag. _Eskild_.

“Oh my goodness! You just look so straight, I’m sorry for judging you like that, obviously my gaydar is off today.” Eskild laughs, then claps, “Oh I love young love, but how old are you?”

“Almost twenty one.” He answers.

“And you’ve thought long and hard about this guy being the one. You’re sure you want to propose?” Eskild asks, and Isak has to laugh.

“Yeah, man, he’s my best friend, man of my dreams, blah blah, all that bullshit. I just want to pick out a nice ring but I have no fucking clue what to do.” Isak tells him and Eskild claps again.

“Okay baby gay, I’ll be your ring guru.” Eskild tells him, opening up the case in front of them. Isak snorts a little. He likes this Eskild guy. “So what style are you going for?”

“I don’t know.” Isak shrugs before pointing to a group of rings that look the same except for color differences or some shit. “I like those. He would probably like it.” Eskild nods.

“These are perfect,” Eskild sing-songs, pulling out a couple and putting them in front of Isak. “Is there a color you like? Black is really on trend. Silver is a classic of course – “

“I like the gold one.” Isak interrupts, because he’s staring at one particular ring that is calling to him. It looks absolutely perfect. Eskild pulls the ring out of its velvet seat and Isak holds it. It’s a gold band with white gold diamonds wrapping around the ring in the center. It gleams in the light and Isak thinks it would look perfect on Even’s finger, running through his blonde hair and holding Isak’s hand. “I want this one.” He whispers. Eskild cheers.

“Perfect, great choice. Do you know his ring size?” Eskild asks and Isak laughs a little.

“Fuck no, but I think we’re the same size. Sometimes I wear his rings and they fit fine.” He says and carefully slips the ring onto his left hand.

“Fits perfectly! Would you like to pick out a box?” Eskild shows him more selections of boxes and then velvet to put in the boxes and it’s so many choices just for a ring, but Isak knows that Even will love the gesture. Eventually he leaves with an inconspicuous white bag and a wistful smile.

He had no doubts about Even saying yes, he knew they were ready. Even casually spoke about marriage and the future so often that it was like they were already married. Isak wanted this to be special though, because Even is so endlessly deserving of something special. He deserves every romantic gesture in the book and Isak is determined to give them to him.

~~~

Without even talking to Even about it, he starts booking a flight to Denmark. Which evidently, Even realizes a few days before they’re flight. (Isak had planned to surprise him on the morning of, it was gonna be romantic)

“Why were you… going on different airline websites? And looking up travel stuff…” Even asks from the dining table while he stares at their shared laptop. Isak tensed up in bed but he tried to act natural. It was almost midnight, he was already snuggled up in bed, waiting for Even to finish his homework, he was all relaxed. _Ugh_. He didn’t have a lie ready. He sighed.

“It was a secret…” Isak huffed and looked over the covers to see Even crinkling his eyebrows.

“Are you planning to run away?” Even chuckles nervously, “Do you… Is it for school?” He sounded so distressed that Isak almost wanted to go with it _(because he is evil)_ so that Even would be even happier when he found out he was lying. Isak was _not_ thinking.

“Yeah…” Isak mumbled and Even’s head shot up. “For my medicine course, we have to be in London for the next two weeks.” He tells him, watching Even’s face fall. _Aw baby, he’s so sweet and gullible._

“T-two… Two weeks, but…” Even scrambled around, panicking a bit. Isak sat up, concerned for his boyfriend. “What about your birthday? I… I _have_ to be with you. Isak.” Even stood and started pacing. Isak had no idea he’d get so panicked about this.

“Baby, it’s okay, it’s not a big deal.” Isak tries but Even is way past believing him.

“No, it _is_ a big deal, Isak!” Even pulls at his hair and Isak scrambles out of bed, grabbing his hands and pulling him to the edge of the bed.

“Even, it’s okay, I was lying. I was just trying – “

“What?” Even shouts, and Isak has to chuckle a little, “You little shit!” Even shuffles away from Isak.

“Baby, I didn’t think you’d freak out,” Isak tells him, getting under the covers again while Baz lays his head on his chest. Even looks down at the both of them.

“So… you’re not leaving me for two weeks?” Even breathes out, still looking skeptical. Isak hums.

“ _We’re_ leaving for two weeks.” Isak smiles, but Even doesn’t get it.

“Huh?”

“You and I. We’re going on vacation!” Isak cheers, smiling brightly but Even still looks utterly confused. Baz licks Isak’s smiling cheek. “Baby?”

“I just… What? _We’re_ going somewhere?” Even starts pacing again.

“Yeah, I thought we both could use a getaway.” He tells him.

“You planned this?” Even asks. Isak nods.

“I used the Adventure money and funds from my parents and Jonas is gonna take care of Baz.” Isak tells him, reaching out to grab Even’s waist so that he stops pacing. He rubs his hip before grabbing his hand. Even looks down at him.

“We’re leaving our son with a stoner?” He questions, making Isak laugh loudly.

“He knows not to smoke around dogs… Okay? Everything’s gonna be great.” Isak assures him.

“You did this,” Even says, like he still can’t believe it. Isak nods.

“I love you and I wanted to take you on a trip that you’d love,” He says, cuddling into Baz while intertwining their fingers with Even’s. Even is still looking awestruck.

“I love you too… Thank you,” Even whispers. He climbs into bed and reaches over Baz to kiss Isak softly, before laying his head down next to him.

“Aren’t you gonna ask where we’re going?” Isak asks, petting Baz slowly and getting sleepier. Even hums, bringing a hand to run through Isak’s fluffy curls.

“I don’t care… as long as you’re there I’ll be happy,” Even whispers, making Isak blush a little. _How the hell does Even still make him blush?_

“You’re too sweet,” Isak muses.

“You’re sweeter… Planning this trip. You’re so grown up,” Even coos, running his fingers over his cheek, and Isak scoffs.

“I’m almost 21, of course I’m grown up,” Isak scoffs, “I’m practically the master at being a grown-up.”

“Oh, right, of course,” He teases, and they both laugh, starting to drift off to sleep. Eventually Baz gets up and climbs down to lay in his own dog bed and Even pulls Isak close to him, kissing his face all over.

“I love you,” He whispers, and Isak hums, tilting his chin up so that Even kisses his lips lovingly.

“I love you more.”

~~~

On Sunday, June 7th, they drop Baz off at Jonas’ house and it really feels like they’re leaving their son and Isak almost tears up but he’s too excited. Once they’re at the airport, Even is begging to know where they’re going. Isak smirks cockily.

“Oh I thought anywhere would be good if it was with me?” Isak teases, making Even groan as they roll their suitcases slowly through security.

“Isak, just tell me! I have to look at my ticket soon anyways,” Even huffs, but he’s smiling. Isak giggles.

“Okay, okay. Here,” He hands him his ticket, “Next stop, beautiful, hipster, Copenhagen,” Isak tells him and Even actually jumps with how excited he is.

“No way, really?” Even laughs, pulling Isak into a tight hug and kissing his cheek.

“Hey guys, you’re holding up the line,” An old man says, making Even straighten up and fill the gap in front of him. Isak turns to him and laughs, because Even always looks so adorable when he’s excited.

“Fuck this is so cool,” He whispers, gripping his ticket.

“I’m glad you’re excited, baby,” Isak told him which launched Even into more of his ramblings about Denmark. He went on and on about the castles and shops and beaches, all the way to the gate and didn’t stop until they were on the plane. Even gripped Isak’s hand tightly.

“You’re the best,” Even smiled, leaving over to kiss Isak’s cheek sweetly.

~~~

The plane ride was short, so they got to their Airbnb in Copenhagen that afternoon. Even was ready to go out and explore the whole city but Isak was reasonable.

“We need to go grocery shopping, Even,” Isak told him, whilst Even was busy exploring their cute, very colorful apartment they were staying in. Isak decided to tell him the plan for their two-week trip. “We’re staying here for seven days and then on the fourteenth we’re going to stay in a hotel next to the Kronberg Castle. Then, we’re spending the last five days on Bornholm in a hotel overlooking the beach. And we fly back home on the 22nd.” He says, reading off his phone calendar.

“Why can’t we just eat out the whole time? Why do we have to buy groceries?” Even asks, wandering around their kitchen.

“Even. We’d be broke before we even got back to Oslo.” So they went grocery shopping and they laughed and teased each other, and Isak felt like he’s never been more in love. Then Even tried speaking Danish to the cashier and struggled to find the right word to describe his beautiful, hot, boyfriend.

“Isn’t this man beautiful?” Even cheered happily in English, making the lady smile and laugh. It felt too magical to be real. For the next few days, they made cheese toasties in their underwear and explored all the indie shops and cafes, pretending to be locals. Even filmed everything (Isak often had to tell him not to film him because _you see me all the time_ , Even always responded with _but I can never get enough of you_ ) and it all felt magical.

~~~

There was a fair in Copenhagen and everywhere they looked they could see the huge, colorful ferris wheel. Isak planned to go that night, on Friday, but as soon as they were walking towards the entrance, Even pulled him across the street.

“Wha – Even, I wanna go to the fair tonight,” Isak practically whined. The yellow box in his jacket was burning a hole in his pocket. It’s not that he wanted to get the proposal over with, he just couldn’t stand keeping such a huge secret for so long. It was already a struggle to keep the ring hidden.

“I made reservations for us at Kong Hans Kaelder, I don’t want to be late.” Even whisked them away, and Isak couldn’t get another word in until they were seated.

“What’s wrong?” Even whispers, as Isak passively glances at the menu. “We can go somewhere else, if you want…” Isak looks up to see Even’s concerned face.

“I just… Do you think the fair is still gonna be open after we eat?” Isak asks.

“I don’t know,” Even shrugs, reaching over the table to grasp Isak’s hand. “I think it’ll be there tomorrow, we can spend the whole day there,” Isak nods.

“Yeah, sorry… You’re right.” Isak mumbles, now feeling the bulkiness of the ring box. He hoped Even wouldn’t notice it bulging out of his jacket pocket.

“Why is that so important? It’s the same fair that’s coming to Oslo next month.” Even tells him and Isak shrugs, scrambling to find an answer for him.

“Uh…” He coughed, “It’s a different view here,” He said and Even quirked an eyebrow but he seemed to believe him.

“Okay baby,” Even smiled, and they ordered dinner. It was a nice evening with fancy food and wine that seemed to refill itself. Isak fumbled for the ring a few times, wondering if he should just propose now but he felt too drunk and Even's words were slurring. He didn't want to forget the moment Even said yes. He wanted them to be sober, at the top of a ferris wheel like "Love, Simon" and he wanted to remember all the things he wanted to say to Even.

So instead they went to their hotel by the castle with full stomachs and wine drunk brains, where they make out like teenagers again and make love like soulmates.

~~~

In the morning, Isak makes eggs the way Even loves them and attempts to make pancakes, but he hasn't gotten much better in all these years. They turn out alright, albeit a little chewy. Even's still sleeping so Isak goes to the bakery they saw around the corner and picked up pastries he knows Even will love a lot more than the rubbery pancakes and mediocre scrambled eggs. When he came back Even was in the kitchen pouring orange juice into two glasses. 

"You can't leave me to wake up alone when we're on vacation." He says, putting the juice down and embracing Isak in a warm hug. 

"Sorry, I went to get real food." He hummed as Even kissed him good morning. 

"I hate waking up alone," Even whispered. "When we get married you have to vow to never let me wake up alone."

"I promise." Isak smiles, his mind drifting towards the impending proposal.  _Soon._ They exchange soft kisses until Even's stomach is rumbling and then they sit in bed, eating pastries and overcooked eggs. Even lied and said they were good and warmth spread through Isak's chest.

~~~

After a full day exploring the fair, they were finally in line for the ferris wheel. It was already dark out and they were starting to get sleepy but Isak was determined to get on that damn wheel. Even was holding on to his waist comfortably while Isak was bouncing back and forth on this heels. He felt a little nervous as Even leaned his head on top of his and he clenched the ring box in his pocket. He wasn't scared that Even would say no ( _although what if this is too soon_ ) but more like it wouldn't be perfect. Even deserves this moment to be so perfect for him. Finally, they were up to get in their seat and of fucking course, the ferris wheel operator turned to them and everyone behind them to close down the ride. Even sighed, but he started to pull Isak away as everyone else walked away. 

"No – “ Isak turned around to glare at the Danish teenager operating the wheel. "I have to ride the ferris wheel." He told him. Even grabbed his hand. 

"Isak, it's closed," He tried.

"Open it back up," Isak snapped at the teenager in his horrible English.

"Dude, it closes at 21. I can't let you on, you'll get stuck when the power shuts off," The kid sighed. Even pulled on Isak's arm before be started demanding things like a forty-year-old white mom. 

"Come on Isak, it's okay," Even said but he didn't understand. They were leaving Copenhagen tomorrow morning. There are no ferris wheels in Bornholm. Isak missed his chance and there's still a yellow ring box with a golden engagement ring in it, encased in a velvet cushion of black, sitting in his jacket pocket. Isak lets Even pull him away, wrapping an arm around his waist. All of a sudden, Isak flinched away when Even touched his pocket. 

"Baby, what's wrong?" Even asks, stepping back from him, Isak took in his worried expression. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. He had no idea how to explain himself. 

"I... you... I just..." He stuttered as they stood there staring at each other, "I'm really... tired... I'm sorry." Even frowned. 

"Let's go to bed then," He said and Isak deflated. 

"I'm sorry," He sighs, putting his head in his hands. Even took a giant step forward and placed his hands on his shoulders. 

"Isak, what's wrong? Please talk to me. You've been so stressed about this dumb fair," He pleaded and Isak's heart hurt to hear his worried tone. He scrambled to find an excuse in his mind. 

"I just... I know you loved "Love, Simon" and I wanted you to have a moment like that... Like, a kiss on top of a ferris wheel." It's half true, but Isak can tell Even is still concerned. 

"That's sweet, Isak..." He tells him, with a tight smile and worried eyes, "But you don't have to stress about something like that. I don't mind, you know that. I just want to be with you and be happy with you," He told him, pulling Isak's hands off his face and carefully putting his own hands on his cheeks. 

"You're right, I was just being dumb and... obsessing over the wheel," Isak mumbled. Even leaned in to kiss his lips softly. 

"You're turning into me," He hums. Isak lets a little smile grow on his lips. "Let's go to bed, we've got a ferry to catch tomorrow," Isak smiles wider.

They give each other soft, warm kisses until they're too sleepy to hold each other up anymore. They get back to their hotel room near the Kronberg castle and whilst Even is showering, Isak takes the ring box out of his jacket. He stares at is for a minute, feeling a little giddy. Before Even can walk out and see him, he hides the box in his sock, wrapped up snuggly at the bottom of his suitcase. Isak started undressing just as Even walked out of their bathroom with a towel around his waist. 

"Sometimes I think this is so crazy," Even says, like he was thinking about this in his shower. Isak quirked an eyebrow as he shimmied out of his jeans. Even watched him, just standing there with one hand holding up his towel and the other hanging by his side. 

"This trip?" Isak asks, pulling his shirt off. Even gives him a soft smile. 

"No. I mean... us," Even says, so simply, making Isak freeze and chuckle a little. 

"That's crazy?" Isak asks while he folds his clothes up. "I think it just makes sense," He tells him. Even smiles so wide that his eyes become little slits. He walks up and presses their foreheads together.

"It does, doesn't it?" He whispers. Isak smiles and tilts his chin up for a kiss. 

"I gotta shower," He hums, pulling away from the kiss. 

"Okay, love you." Even kisses him again. "Thank you for this, it's so sweet of you," Isak kisses him softly. 

"You don't need to thank me," He mumbles.

"I'm already planning something for your birthday," Even tells him and Isak sighs.

"Don't do that. I just wanna be with you, I don't care what we do." Isak says but Even's shaking his head. Eventually, they separate and Isak gets in the shower. He gets to thinking while he's in there about how in a few days he'll be twenty-one. Twenty-one years with Even, how the hell is that possible?  _Maybe Even was right, this is crazy._

Then suddenly - it clicks. Twenty-one. He'll be twenty-one on the 21st of June in 2020 (close enough). Even will probably love that, with his weird obsessive adoration with the number. Isak decides then, as he's scrubbing shampoo into his hair, that he'll propose then. At 21:21 that evening, of course.  _Even's probably going to faint or something._ Isak smiles to himself because it makes so much sense now. It's always meant to happen like this.

~~~

On Thursday, June 18th, they traveled on a nearly empty ferry to an island off the mainland. They were staying in Bornholm until the 22nd. It was a beautiful sight, the island, with its rolling hills, giant cliffs, bright green land, and the gorgeous coastline.

They checked into their hotel and Even charmed the hotel concierge into letting them change rooms to get one with a perfect view of the ocean. Walking into their room was breathtaking. Isak left his bag by the door in favor of walking towards the humongous windows. There was also a sliding glass door that led out onto a wooden balcony. As Even tipped the bellboy, Isak was already opening the door and stepping out onto the balcony, tasting the sea air and relishing in the chilly ocean breeze brushing against his skin. 

"This is beautiful," Even whispered as he stepped out to join his boyfriend. He wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him close and kissing his head lovingly. Isak hummed. 

"Yeah," He murmured. "Wouldn't it be cool to live there?" Isak says, pointing to the assorted houses on the rocky beach, all different colors, and sizes. It was like something out of a Wes Anderson movie.

"Maybe when we grow old... I think we're still too young to give up on civilization and move to an island," Even says, making Isak chuckle adorably. It all felt like they were in another world, a fantasy world where the beginning of the book had a detailed map at the front, or a movie set in a parallel universe where this island was the only place that existed, and they were the only ones there. How perfect would that be?

~~~

"Isak."

"No. I'm asleep."

"Baby..."

"Nuh uh."

"I wanna ask you something," Even sounds so small and quiet. Isak opens his eyes and turns his head to see Even lying on his side while he laid on his stomach. 

"What is it?" Isak asked, voice soft when he noticed Even's serious expression.  _It was almost 2:00, what is Even so serious about?_

"Would you..." He coughed to clear his throat. Isak listened closely, opening his eyes all the way. "Would you still want to actually adopt kids with me one day?" Isak crinkles his eyebrows together.

"Of course. Why are you asking me this all of a sudden? And at two in the morning..." Isak asks, trying not to sound so grumpy. Even avoids his eyes and sighs. 

"Well... what if we can't adopt because of my bipolar disorder?" He asks, almost too quiet to be heard. Isak scoffs.

"You're stable," He says, making Even scoff back at him.

"I still have episodes," Even shoots back. Isak closes his eyes.

"But you haven't had a really intense one in years, and you're on medication that works really well for you. Everything will be fine when we go to file for adoption," He tells him. "Don't worry so much." He lifts an arm up and wraps it around Even's waist, rubbing his hipbone. 

"Are you sure?" Even asks, after a moment of quiet. Isak opens his eyes and sees Even's tear-filled eyes. 

"Baby, don't worry. We're gonna be allowed to adopt or maybe even get a surrogate. Everything will work out. You're gonna be a great dad," He tells him, turning onto his side so he can wrap both arms around Even's shoulders and pull him closer. He kissed his forehead. 

"Sorry, I'm just thinking too much..." He whispers. Isak kissed his forehead again.

"It's okay, don't apologize," He whispered back. "I love you."

"I love you too, and you'll be a great dad," Even kisses his collarbone lightly. They breathe quietly, together, until they drift off to the sound of each other's heartbeat. It's such a comforting sound. 

~~~

On the 20th, Isak is eager. He's jittery and so excited to ask Even. It's nerve-wracking, but he wants this to be special. He has to propose tomorrow. But they have dinner, and Even smiles so bright and Isak laughs until his stomach hurts. It all feels so light and Isak can’t wait. He can’t keep waiting.

He lies awake that night after Even’s fallen asleep, watching him breathe and snuffle adorably once in a while. It was maddening. Isak looked over at the clock. It was 2:21. Good enough.

He jumped out of bed, grabbing the ring and slipped back under the covers.

“Even,” He said, nudging him awake. Even groaned, burying his head into the pillow.

“What?” He grumbled.

  
“Even, you’re…” His mind went blank of all the things he planned to say. “… you’re my best friend and the love of my life. _Fuck_ , just… I love you more than anything and… will you marry me?” He felt out of breath. Even was still, breathing slowly, eyes still closed.

“Yeah,” He murmured. Isak raised his eyebrows.

“Okay… I thought… well, I thought you’d be more excited…” Isak mumbled. Even shrugged, burrowing under the covers.

“ _I_ thought I was gonna ask…” Even whispers, falling back to sleep. Isak smiles at him before relaxing on the bed. It’s silent for a moment before suddenly Even jolts up, sitting up on the bed, staring down at Isak.

“What just happened? Did you propose? Was that a dream?” Even said, frantically. Isak chuckled and held open the yellow ring box.

“I proposed. This is real,” Isak smiles and Even scrambled out of bed. Isak sits up, thinking the worst. “Where are you – “

“I have a ring.” Even breathes out, pulling a red velvet box out of his suitcase. Isak raises his eyebrows, as they just stare at each other until they were laughing, and out of breath.

“Yes, yes, yes,” Even smiled, speaking softly as he climbed onto the bed and enveloped him into a hug. They held each other tightly until Even pulled away and opened the box to reveal a beautiful silver band with emeralds wrapping around the center. Isak locked eyes with Even and pulled him closer, kissing his passionately and climbing into his lap. He pulled away to open his yellow ring box.

“Aw, baby,” Even cooed, smiling brightly at the golden band, with white gold diamonds wrapping around the center.

“I guess we have the same taste,” Isak whispered, a little awed at the situation. Slowly, they both took out the engagement rings and slipped them on the other’s finger. They fit perfectly.

“We fit,” Even whispered and it sounded like he meant so much more than the ring sizes. Isak laughed, with so much happiness in his body he had to let it out somehow.

“I can’t believe you were gonna propose,” Isak tells him, as Even pulls him into his lap and holds him.

“I’ve had that ring for six months,” He tells him. Isak blinks at him, surprised.

“What? Why… Why didn’t you propose six months ago?” He asks, and Even smiles.

“Remember when we went to dinner with my parents and you got sick?” He asks and Even hums.

“Oh no,” Isak groaned, covering his face.

“And then I tried to ask on New Year’s Eve but you were shitfaced,” They laugh together.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Isak says through his giggles. “Why’d you wait so long though?”

“I figured third times a charm and I wanted it to be on your 21st birthday,” He said and Isak remembered how freaked out Even was when he originally lied and said he’d be on a school trip during his birthday.

“That’s why you freaked out!” Isak blurted out. Even laughed and nodded.

“Yeah, I thought I’d never get to propose… And I guess I still didn’t,” Even said.

“Well maybe this is how it was meant to be,” Isak whispers, kissing his soft lips. “I wanted to propose last week.”

“On the ferris wheel?” Even guessed and Isak hummed and nodded. “I should’ve known it wasn’t just about the view.” He laughed and Isak joined him. They were so happy and bubbly, they couldn’t help themselves. Even told Isak his plan to ask him to marry him at dinner that night and Isak expresses how he’s glad they had their moment in private. They talk and laugh and kiss until their eyes are dropping and they’re falling asleep in the middle of a sentence.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Even…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is pretty angsty and it's gonna take time to write it so just bear with me. this was cute though, right? please leave your thoughts in the comments <3 thank you all so much for reading. i appreciate it so much!
> 
> also i just realized i posted this on the 21st lol


	27. He Doesn't Make Me Cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even decide to have their wedding on June 21st, 2021. Everything is going smoothly, Isak is even thinking about applying to adopt a child since it takes so long to even get the process started, but then Even has an episode, and suddenly he feels so much younger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry im literally falling asleep while editing this so i hope you like it

_ Six months later – January 2021 _

Even is manic. Isak hadn’t noticed.

He hadn’t noticed all week until he was woken up early in the morning on a Saturday after a busy week. A book slammed on the ground made him jolt up, looking around their dark bedroom. He sees Even with his phone flashlight shining on his medical textbook. Isak sees the one on the ground is his anatomy book. Baz is chewing on the front cover, scratching at it with his paws.

“Even?” Isak asks groggily. He looks to the bedside alarm clock, “It’s four in the morning… What are you doing?”

“Huh?” Even says, too loudly. Isak sits up, staring at him, confused and exhausted. “I’m getting to know you better. If I memorize all your medical terms, you’ll like me more and want to talk to me more,” He says, and Isak creases his eyebrows together.

“What? Baby, I already want to talk to you all the time,” Isak tells him but as he watched Even flip through his pages frantically he noticed all the signs. Isak wanted to punch himself for not seeing it all early. _But maybe he’s just hypomanic_ , he thinks to himself. “Even, come to bed, I’m cold. I need you,” He tried but Even didn’t respond. Isak stared for a while, regretting his busy week of studying and over-working himself. He should’ve paid attention to Even, he should’ve seen this coming. Before Isak could try to coax Even into bed again, he was standing up abruptly.

“I’m hungry. Are you hungry? I’ll make us some eggs, and pancakes, and maybe French toast too, and is there anything else you want? I could make bread rolls. I can do that. I’ll do that,” Even rambled as he disappeared into the kitchen and began pulling out any ingredients he could think of. Baz ran after him, barking happily. Isak scrambled to get out of bed and made his way to the kitchen. He started putting things away as Even pulled them out of the cupboards and the fridge.

“It’s a little early for breakfast, Even,” He said, taking the eggs from his hands. Even took them back and cracked them into a bowl before Isak could do anything. Baz barked at him, following him around the kitchen. Stuck in a daze, Isak just watched him make pancake batter at 4:28 in the morning. He felt helpless. How could he not realize that Even was having an episode? He hadn’t been sleeping or focusing well at all but Isak was just so caught up in his own schedule. Isak felt so young, it was like being back in grade school when Even had his first episode and all Isak could do was worry. Even now he can’t fix anything, but he’s usually good at bringing Even back to the Earth. Right now though, Isak’s useless. He feels like crying or running away, but he would never do that. The tears still spring to his eyes though.

“You know, we really need to paint that dresser?” Even blurts out, dropping the spoon he was stirring the pancake batter with onto the counter and leaves the floury mess to run off into their bedroom with Baz before Isak can utter a sound. “We have paint in the closet right?” He shouts and Isak cringes. He should stop him. He should go after him and get him to calm down, to breathe, and get in bed. He can’t though. Isak sighs, deflating right there in their kitchen. It’s half past four in the morning, he can’t deal with this right now. Baz is barking too loudly, it’s making everything feel so much more chaotic.

He half-heartedly attempts to clean the kitchen, putting most things away and wiping the counter down. He can hear Even clattering around in their bedroom, moving furniture and dropping things on their hardwood flooring. Isak feels the tears in his throat and his stomach churns violently from the dread.

Isak steps back into their bedroom and lets out a sob. It’s a complete mess. Even is a complete mess. He’s got pancake batter and flour in his hair and there’s bright yellow paint all over the floor and his body. And the dresser. Their nice, clean white dresser that’s now frantically being painted yellow. And Baz doesn’t look any better. Isak steps closer.

“Baby, please,” Isak sobs, trying to get Even’s attention, but his attempts are futile. Even isn’t listening, he’s caught up in the whirlwind of his own thoughts. Isak feels so defeated, _why did I think I could do this?_ He hates his own thoughts. He loves Even so much, but seeing him like this, and feeling like it’s all his fault, hurts so damn much. Isak climbs back into their bed. “Even, please, just get in bed,” He’s crying and his words are coming out a little jumbled. Even barely reacts. He just paints, getting it all over their floor and walls nearby and even their white sheets. “ _Please_ ,” He’s sobbing now, tears rushing down his cheeks but all he can feel is how hard it’s getting to breathe. Baz bounds over to lick at Isak’s bare thigh, trying to make him calm down, but nothing will help him right now.

“Do you want pancakes?” Even asks, sounding so detached.

“No, please, I want you to sit with me,” Isak pleads, desperately, but Even drops his paintbrush and rushes off to the kitchen, making Baz run after him, barking excitedly. It’s five in the morning now, and Isak has never felt so young in his adult life. It feels like he’s thirteen again. He remembered that day like it was yesterday.

_“What are you doing here?” His voice is hoarse and he sounds sleepy, even though Isak’s sure he’s been sleeping this whole time._

_“I wanted to see you,” Isak tells him and Even looks away, staring up at the ceiling._

_“I’m sorry I’m like this,” He murmurs and Isak’s heart lurches. He shakes his head._

_“It’s not like it’s your fault,” He tells him and after a few moments of silence, Isak notices tears streaming down Even’s pale face. “Even…” Isak lifts an arm and rests it half way on Even’s body just to show him that he’s here. “I may be younger, and shorter, and not as smart as you… but, I’ll look after you… because I care about you, a lot.”_

Isak wanted so badly to keep that promise, to always look after Even but everything was so overwhelming. Sometimes it felt like Isak’s brain was going to explode, but he wouldn’t trade it for the world. He loved Even more than anything, ever. He cared about him more than he cared about himself, and that sounds so stupid but it was so true. Isak would die for his fiancé, of course he would. They were soulmates, Isak knew that.

Yet, here he was, sobbing in their bed because he can’t help his soulmate. He can’t cure him, he can’t make him feel better, he can’t do anything. He felt helpless, useless, defeated. But he wasn’t giving up. Slowly, he stood up, tears still streaming, breath still coming short, but he wasn’t giving up. He came into the kitchen and took the bowl and spoon from Even’s hands. Carefully, he grabbed Even’s face, forcing them to look into each other’s eyes. Even’s eyes moved over Isak’s face frantically before they landed on his tearful eyes.

“Isak?” He whispered, eyebrows furrowing. “I need to finish breakfast.”

“Please come to bed with me. _Please_ ,” He pleads. “Baby, I’m begging you.”

“But…” Even reaches for the bowl again, pouting. His eyes were glossy and distant. Isak’s sobs wracked through his chest. _What do I do? What am I supposed to do at five thirty in the fucking morning?_ Isak covered his face, trying to calm down, desperately trying to stop his tears.

It was useless though. So he went through the kitchen and hid all their knives and anything Even could accidentally hurt himself with. Even gave up on the pancake batter when it got too thick and went to make bread rolls. Isak couldn’t stop him, there was no way he could pull him out of this. He just had to wait. Wait for the crash. The thought of Even being depressed again brought fresh tears to Isak’s swollen, puffy eyes. He only ever wanted Even to feel good, why did it all have to be like this? It broke his heart time and time again. He’ll probably never get used to this hurt.

Instead of crying in the kitchen, Isak went back to the bedroom to sit on their bed and sob, leaving Baz to watch over Even in the kitchen. He felt like he was having a never-ending panic attack. Thinking about Even in his state always made him panicky but this was making him think irrational thoughts. Thoughts about them becoming dads; he’d been trying to learn about surrogacy recently and it all felt like too much right now. What would they do once they had a baby and this was happening? How would Isak deal with that? How could he handle that? Just this is too much but what if there was a crying toddler in the mix? Isak sobbed harder, his mind screaming _I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I can’t do this._ He wanted to sleep. He just wanted to go back to sleep with his beautiful, sweet fiancé.

“Isak?”

He looked up to see Even. He was still shirtless, gym shorts hanging low on his skinny hips, hair wild. There was paint, flour, different batter mixtures all over him and in his hand he held a bread roll.

The sun was coming up. How long had Isak been crying and panicking?

_08:49 AM_

_Fuck._ Isak looked back to Even’s sad eyes. They were dull and so concerned, just staring at him. His body was tense as he stood frozen in their doorway.

“Even, please,” He choked on his tears, “Please lay down with me,” Even slowly approached, climbing on their bed and curling up on his side. Isak laid down and stared at his baby. “Just sleep, please,” He whispered, as he tried desperately to breathe again. Even pulled him close and held him tightly. The closeness calmed his panic. He passed out from sheer exhaustion.

Eight hours later, Isak woke up to their horrible, disaster of an apartment. Baz was laying in his own bed, chewing on a bread roll, looking like a mess. Isak assessed the damages. They definitely needed paint remover. He looked to his right to see Even curled into a ball under their duvet, sleeping soundly. Isak kissed the top of his head, even if it was covered in gunk and dried paint, just like their dog. He gets up from their bed, feeling a lot calmer than he did this morning.

Isak went and showered, easing his nerves and reassuring himself. He can do this. Everything is okay. He was just having a panic attack. This was just a manic episode, it’s not the end of the world. And it certainly is not stopping them from having a baby. Isak can see in his clear mind that that was all the panic talking, he can do this. _We can do this._

After a long, therapeutic shower, he went to clean the apartment in silence. It’s calming, in a way, to scrub the kitchen counters and do the dishes. He actually has fun giving Baz a bath, washing his fur while he tried to climb out of the bath and shake off all the water. Once he got to cleaning the paint off of their walls and floors, that’s when it got difficult. He scrubbed furiously at the hardwood floor but the paint wouldn’t budge. He had to go to the Walters’.

The Walters’ were a married couple in the apartment above theirs. Lilly and James Walters. Last month they were painting their new nursery and they had an extra gallon of paint so they gave it to Isak and Even a couple weeks ago. It was very sweet. They were a sweet family. So Isak stepped out to see if they would have paint remover.

“Oh hey Isak, how are you?” Lilly Walters said when she opened the door. Isak smiled, a bit tiredly.

“I’m okay, it was a long night but I’m alright,” He assured her. She nodded understandingly.

“Was it Baz? We heard him barking, is he okay?” She asked, so concerned. She was so sweet. She reminded Isak so much of Even.

“Yeah, he just really needed to go the bathroom, I guess,” He lied, not wanting to worry her. “Anyway, do you happen to have paint remover? Even tried painting our dresser and he got some on the floor.” He smiled, although it probably looked a little strained. She didn’t say anything about it though, she just smiled and sighed.

“Oh, I’ll have to check but I don’t think we bought any,” She said, gesturing for Isak to come into their apartment. He followed her inside. It was slightly bigger than their apartment, especially since it had a second bedroom. She went into the nursery, which was still being decorated, to look at their supplies. He looked around the room, with all its bright colors and cute baby things. Isak smiled softly.

“Well looks like we don’t have paint remover, I’m sorry Isak,” Lilly said, turning around. Her face turned soft when she noticed Isak spinning the mobile above the crib. She smiled. “Isak?”

“Sorry, what?” He took his hand back and turned to her, blushing slightly. She smiled wider, resting her hands on her very pregnant belly.

“We don’t have paint remover, I’m sorry,” She tells him.

“That’s okay,” He smiles. He goes to turn around but Lilly stops him.

“Are you still trying to find a surrogate?” She blurts out, “I’m sorry, I know that’s a personal question but… I just think you and Even would make such great dads.” Isak chuckles lightly at her bluntness.

“Yeah, I’m trying to figure things out. I think we’ll be good, too,” He smiles.

“Well find one soon so maybe our babies can be best friends,” She laughs, making Isak chuckle again, agreeing. She offers tea but Isak knows he needs to get back to the apartment soon so they say goodbye and Isak rushes to take Even’s car and drives down to the hardware store. It only takes him forty minutes to get there and back.

He opens the door to their apartment and immediately feels dread pool in his stomach. Even is sobbing. Isak rushes to their bedroom, seeing Even sat up on bed, duvet half on his body, as he sobs loudly, his chest shaking. His whole body was shaking, actually. Isak drops the bag on the floor, making it clang loudly. Even looks up and gasps for air. Isak quickly climbs onto their bed and holds him tight, engulfing him in a tight hug.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Isak asks, panicked. He rubs a hand up and down Even’s back as he gasps for air. Even holds him just as tightly, pulling him into his lap to get him closer and clinging to his clothing.

“I thought – thought you f-finally left.” He chokes out, making Isak freeze.

“What?” He blurts out, a little too fiercely. Even lets out another harsh sob, whimpering in his arms.

“You were g-gone and I’m so sorry, I’m sorry I did this. I always do this,” He rambled, stumbling over his nonsensical words. “I destroy everything, I destroyed us. I’m so sorry, Isak.”

“Shh, shh. No, that’s not true. Even, you didn’t destroy anything. You don’t need to be sorry,” Isak tries to reassure him but he knows that Even is depressed. He won’t believe him right now. “I love you, Even,” He tells him, kissing all over his head.

“I love you, more than anything, I’m sorry,” Even sobs, and Isak pushes him carefully down onto the bed to lay back. He held up close and coaxed him back to sleep, kissing his temples and rubbing a hand down his back. “Please, don’t leave me,” He whispered into Isak’s neck.

“I would never. I was just talking with Lilly upstairs, I’m sorry it took so long,” Isak told him in a quiet, calm voice. “I saw their nursery, it’s almost finished. It looks so cute,” He whispers.

“Hmm,” Even hums, probably confused why Isak has changed the subject so suddenly.

“It’s all yellow and bright, and the crib has a mobile over it with baby sheep hanging on it. It’s so cute, I can’t to meet their baby,” Isak whispers, and soon he feels Even’s breathing calm down, like he’s ready to fall back to sleep.

“They’re gonna be good parents,” Even mumbles, still gripping onto Isak but not as tightly. He kissed Even’s forehead.

“Do you wanna get in the shower?” Isak asks, playing with the hair at the back of Even’s neck, the hair that isn’t a complete mess. Even hums, snuggling into the sheets and drifting off into sleep.

“Mmm, later,” He murmurs, sniffling harshly, before his body relaxes and Isak lets out a breath of relief. There’s been too much panicking recently. Isak lets himself relax, and drifts off with Even clinging on to him.

Later on, they shower together. Even doesn’t want to lose sight of Isak so he agrees to get in with him, how could he not? Isak helps him undress and they step under the hot water, immediately relaxing their tight muscles. Isak pours soup into his hands and lathers it up in Even’s blonde hair. Even’s eyes flutter shut while Isak rubs at his scalp and washes away the gunk from the night before, along with all the negative thoughts swirling around his brain on repeat. Isak carefully kisses his nose, lovingly whispering sweet things to him. Sweet things about how much he loves him and how beautiful he always looks.

Even rinses his hair but before Isak can wash his own, he’s already getting shampoo in his hands and running it through Isak’s locks. He looks so concentrated as he gives his head a little massage.

“You need a haircut,” He whispers, and Isak chuckles lightly, making Even stare at him with an intense, loving gaze.

“Okay, baby, I’ll just shave it all off,” He teases. Even shakes his head though, crinkling his eyebrows together.

“No, I love your curls,” He mumbles, and Isak smiles, leaning forward to kiss Even’s jaw. Even hummed.

“I love you,” Isak whispered, and Even nodded, understanding.

~~~

A week later Even is still depressed, but he’s slowly getting better. He sits up in bed occasionally, and he eats when Isak eats. Everything is okay, but there’s still something tense and sad wallowing in the air around them. Isak thinks it’s the yellow paint still splattered on the walls and their floor. So on Sunday morning, he gets up and grabs the paint remover from the discarded bag by the front door and a rag, and he gets to work. He quickly realizes that he’ll have to get white paint to fix the walls, because once he rubs off the yellow, he also began to rub the white paint off as well.

As he scrubbed at the floor, he heard shuffling on the bed and looked up to see Even sitting up, watching him.

“Hey, are you hungry?” He asked, because asking how he’s feeling never feels like the right thing to say. Even just shook his head and watches Isak’s hands go back to scrubbing the paint.

“What are you… doing?” He asks, slowly. Isak looks up at him again.

“Cleaning,” Isak shrugs, looking back at the floor. The paint wasn’t coming off very easily.

“I should be doing that,” Even mumbles, but Isak scoffs.

“Why? It’s just as much my apartment as it is yours,” Isak tells him. This time, Even scoffs.

“It’s my mess… And I know how much you hate cleaning,” He says, and he’s not wrong.

“Excuse you? I’m the master of cleaning, I’m the best absolute best,” Isak smiles, trying to joke. Even doesn’t laugh though.

“Isak… it’s my mess. Just, stop cleaning up after me all the time,” Even says, pushing the duvet off his body a little aggressively. Isak looked up at him with raised eyebrows. “Feels like I’m still living with my parents.”

“That’s not fair, Even. Don’t say shit just to hurt me,” Isak shot back, sitting up a little. Even sighed, looking anywhere but Isak’s eyes.

“I’m not trying to hurt you… I’m just… You’re always taking care of me, it’s exhausting,” Even said. Isak scoffed.

“Whatever, so sorry that I care about you,” Isak mumbled, sarcastically, looking back down at the floor.

“That’s not what I meant, Isak,” Even huffs.

“It sure sounded like that,” He said. It was a silent in the bedroom, tense and silent. Isak threw the rag in his hand down and stood up to look at Even. “I know you’re trying to push me away because you feel like this is all your fault and you feel like I’d be better without you but _you’re wrong_. And I know you don’t mean what you say, but just, stop saying things to hurt me… Unless you really _do_ want to hurt me… In that case, it’s working…” He finishes, watching Even’s expression change from a hardened glare to a soft gaze.

“I’m sorry… I really don’t want to hurt you ever again,” Even says, shaking his head.

“Again?”

“I’ve just been thinking… and you know that scene in Oceans 11?” Even asks, but Isak crinkles his eyebrows together.

“I don’t know, there’s a lot of scenes in that movie,” He shrugs. Even’s hands fidget in his lap.

“When George Clooney asks his ex-wife Julia Roberts if her new husband makes her laugh… And she just says, he doesn’t make me cry…” Even says but Isak doesn’t get it.

“Okay… So?” He murmurs, confused. Even looks up at him with a sad look in his blue eyes.

“You shouldn’t marry someone who makes you cry,” Even told him, making Isak’s heart clench. He wanted to deny ever crying but he knows he can’t. Even did make him cry but it wasn’t his fault, but how was he supposed to explain that? Isak stood there, frozen except for his head shaking back and forth. He blinked away his tears of frustration.

“I wasn’t crying because of you…” Isak tried, but Even scoffed, “I promise, I was crying because… of me. Because I couldn’t help you.”

“That sounds like I made you cry because I was manic,” Even says, looking up with sad eyes. Isak huffs.

“No. Even, stop, okay? This isn’t a movie, this is us. I got overwhelmed, but it’s not your fault,” He sighs. “It’s no one’s fault… and it’s over now anyway. So… just forget it,” Isak finishes, glancing down at the yellow paint on the floorboards.

“I can’t forget making you cry like that Isak…” Even whispers, standing up from their bed until his feet are in Isak’s line of sight.

“You’ve cried because of me before… I know you have,” Isak says determinedly. He doesn’t even want to think about the _suicide attempt_ but it’s itching at the back of his head. “I’ve broken your heart before… I think we’re even,” He tells him, looking up to make eye contact with Even’s collarbones.

“You’re right…” He whispers so softly that if the room wasn’t so silent, Isak wouldn’t have heard it. Carefully, Even takes a step forward and rests his hands on Isak’s waist. “Hey, look at me,” Isak looks up, “Let’s just promise never to break each other’s hearts. And we’ll try our best not to make each other cry,” Even says, his low voice soothing over Isak’s nerves. He stares into Even’s blue eyes. They always calmed him down so easily.

“Okay. I promise,” He nodded, and Even’s eyes smiled just the slightest bit.

“Okay,” Even agreed, and ran his fingers up Isak’s body to hold his face lovingly. The cold metal of his engagement ring was a comfort. “I’m sorry,” He hummed before kissing Isak softly. Isak pulled away to pull him into a hug. They squeezed each other tightly, like they were afraid something would break them apart. Isak wasn’t afraid anything could tear them apart. Nothing in the world could keep him from loving Even with all of his heart.

~~~

Two weeks later, the yellow paint was removed from the walls and the floors. The dresser was still painted half yellow, half white, but Isak assured Even that he kind of liked it. Even was doing better, a lot better, almost back to his normal self. It felt good to feel good.

Lilly and James’ baby was born, and she was beautiful. Or at least, she was in the photos they sent to Isak and Even but they had been too busy to visit her in the last couple days. They were planning to visit soon, maybe this Sunday.

“Ev, what are we doing on Sunday?” Isak called into the kitchen, where Even was making blueberry muffins from a recipe Vilde gave him. He heard Even hum.

“I don’t have plans, do you?”

“We could go visit Lilly’s new baby, Anna. It’d be nice to see her in person,” Isak suggested, standing up from their table to take a break from his note-taking. He was too distracted to study medicine anyway. He wandered into the kitchen and sat on the clean counter space – everywhere else was a complete mess.

“I’ll clean it up,” Even said like he was reading Isak’s mind, and Isak smiled and nodded. “But uh, yeah that would be nice,” He told him. “I’m sure they need to get out, James texted me saying they have barely left the apartment in four days.”

“Having a four day old baby will do that to you,” Isak hums, grabbing Even’s shoulder when he passes by. Even looks to him and raises his eyebrows. Isak pulled him in-between his legs to wrap his arms around his neck. “I’m tired, I hate studying,” He complains. Even chuckles a little. He leaned forward to kiss his lips gently.

“Hmm, I knew you’d come around one day,” Even teases.

“Huh?”

“You’re finally becoming a bit sensible. Studying is the worst possible thing to do with your time,” He complains and Isak chuckles.

“Oh whatever, you just hate it because you want to be watching movies constantly,” Isak teases back and Even has to laugh.

“You got me all figured out, don’t you?” He smirks but before Isak can think of a rebuttal, there’s a frantic knock at the door, and then another, and Isak scrambles off the counter to follow Even to the front door. They swing the door open to see Lilly and James standing there with worried expressions and their tiny baby in James’ arms.

“What’s wrong?” Even asked, looking concerned but trying to sound calm.

“My sister was in a car accident, we have to get to the hospital,” James rushes out quickly. “Can you please watch Anna? We can’t take her with us, we have to worry about too many things already.”

“Of course we’ll watch her, of course,” Isak tells them.

“Do you want to come upstairs? We can show you where all her things are,” Lilly said, gesturing for them to follow. Even went to the kitchen to try to tidy up and said he’d meet them up there. Isak followed them.

“Don’t even worry about us, everything is gonna be okay. Are you guys alright?” Isak asks as they quickly make their way upstairs.

“Could be better,” James mutters. Lilly gives Isak a tight smile.

“Hopefully we’ll be back later tonight, but I’m not worried about you guys. I know you’ll be great,” Lilly assures him. As they get inside, Lilly takes him on a tour and shows him where everything is just as Even comes up to join them. James passes the baby off to Even, who looks a little panicked and then they’re gone. Isak sighs out a breath of relief.

“Well fuck,” He huffs.

“Isak, not in front of the child!” Even whispers, looking down at Anna. Isak rolls his eyes but walks over and looks down at the cute bundle in Even’s arms.

“Hello baby, I’m Isak and this is my idiot fiancé, Mr. Dumbass,” Isak tells Anna, making Even scoff.

“I am not a dumbass, I’m a hot stud that you are lucky to have,” Even tells him, bumping his shoulder.

“I guess,” Isak groans, teasingly, kissing Even’s cheek. Anna’s bright blue eyes drifted shut so Isak hummed. “We should put her down,” He whispered.

“I’ve never taken care of a baby before,” Even whispered back, suddenly sounding uncharacteristically scared. Isak rubbed a hand up and down his back.

“Me neither, but Lilly just explained everything to me. It’ll be okay,” Isak said, carefully taking the baby from Even’s arms. He carefully rocked her back and forth as he walked down the hall to her nursery. Even followed close behind.

“Issy, it’s only 16:00,” Even reminds him.

“Newborn babies should be sleeping for like twenty hours a day,” Isak whispered back.

“Damn,” He mumbled. Isak carefully set Anna in her crib, making sure she’s comfortable.

“Lilly told me there’s bottled milk in the fridge and we should keep the baby monitor on us,” Isak told him, grabbing the baby monitor from the dresser and making sure both receivers were on.

“Okay, are we going back downstairs?” Even asked, confused.

“No, we can chill in the living room. Unless you want to stand here hovering over her sleeping body?” Isak teased, and Even rolled his eyes. He led him back to the living room.

“You’re pretty calm,” Even says, voice back to talking at a normal volume. Isak shrugs.

“Are you nervous?” He asks. Even shrugs.

“Yeah, kinda. We’ve never taken care of a baby, and this one is tiny,” He says, gesturing to the nursery. Isak sat down on the couch and Even followed, laying down to rest his head in Isak’s lap. “I don’t wanna mess up.”

“We won’t mess anything up,” Isak tells him, running his fingers through Even’s soft hair. “It’ll be fine. If anything, this is good practice.”

“For when we babysit Anna?” He asks, and Isak rolls his eyes.

“No, idiot, for when we have a baby,” He says, like it’s so obvious _(because it should be)_. Even looks at him with a strange expression. He raises his eyebrows with a tiny, minuscule smile.

“I thought… You still want to raise a child with me?” Even asks, and Isak doesn’t have to ask why this is such a surprise. He just smiles softly and nods.

“Of course, baby,” Isak says, leaning forward to press his lips to Even’s cute nose. “Always,” Even lifts a hand to pull Isak down to his lips, kissing him sweetly.

“I can’t wait to have a little baby with you,” Even whispers, sounding like he’s a little in awe. Isak smiles brightly.

“Me neither. I’m so excited,” He whispers back, like it’s a secret.

“Maybe we just steal Anna while we have the chance,” Even says, making Isak laugh.

“Maybe…” He jokes, sitting back on the couch and playing with Even’s hair again. “What would you want to name our baby?” Isak wonders. Even doesn’t have to think.

“Juliet if it’s a girl. Romeo if it’s a boy,” He says confidently. Isak lets out a laugh, shaking his head.

“You’re obsessed. I agreed to name our puppy after that director but I am not naming our kid after Romeo and Juliet,” Isak tells him, a laugh in his voice. Even chuckles too.

“Well what would you want to name our future baby?” He asks, in a challenging tone. Isak just smiles, looking out the window in front of them.

“I think… Kathleen,” Isak says, kind of quietly. Even stares at him for a moment.

“That’s really nice… I like it,” He tells him. Isak looks down at Even and smiles.

“I hope she looks like you,” He admits, not even really meaning to say it. Even shakes his head though.

“I don’t want to be the donor, if we do surrogacy,” He says, and it sounds so final that Isak raises his eyebrows, realizing that Even’s serious about that.

“Wh – Why not?” He asks, eyebrows crinkling together. “You’re so beautiful, and kind-hearted, it’d be amazing to have a mini you running around,” Isak tells him but Even shakes his head again.

“My brain’s messed up.”

“Even – “

“I’m serious Isak, do you really want to risk our baby having a mental illness like mine? I certainly don’t want to do that to someone,” Even says, and Isak doesn’t know what to say. “Besides, you’re beautiful, kind and you’re smart too. I want a baby that looks like you,” He says, bringing a hand to caress Isak’s cheek.

“Are you sure?” He asks, and Even smiles.

“Of course,” He says and Isak smiles back. It’s comfortably silent for a moment before Even speaks up, “So what if it’s a boy?”

“I don’t know… What about the name Julian to honor my first – “

“Shut up,” Even shoved him, chuckling. Isak laughed, maybe a little too loudly because then they heard cries coming from the baby monitor. “Do you think she’s hungry?”

“Let’s ask her,” Isak teases, moving Even to get up from the couch to go check on Anna. They got through the evening just fine, feeding Anna once and changing her before she was asleep again. At around 20, Lilly and James came home, exhausted and not in the mood to talk so Isak and Even left and went home to order a pizza. As they ate and watched Pretty Woman on Netflix, it felt like they were teenagers and an old married couple at the same time. Isak kind of loved it.

They laid in bed that night, Isak dozing off on his chest as Even combed his fingers through his hair. Isak drew little circles on his bare torso. He turns his head slightly to kiss Even’s warm skin. Sleep clouds his thoughts as he mumbled, “You’re so warm.”

“You were really good with Anna today,” Even says, kissing his forehead softly. Isak hummed, smiling sleepily.

“Thanks, you too, baby,” He mumbled, voice sounding rough.

“It really made me confident that we can do this… We can be parents,” Even tells him. Isak feels his body get all warm and he snuggles a little closer to his love.

“I can’t wait to be parents,” He whispered into Even’s skin.

“First we’re getting married,” Even chuckles. Isak nods.

“Dr. Isak Bech Naesheim, what seems to be the problem?” Isak mumbles, smiling sleepily. Even raises his eyebrows, knowing Isak is half asleep right now – but still.

“You want my last name?” Even asks him, curiously. He rubs at Isak’s hair a little to try and get him to stay awake just a second longer. Isak moans at the touch. _He’s so soft._

“Of course, I think it’ll be hot being called Dr. Beck Naesheim,” He murmurs, kissing Even’s chest again. Even smiles.

“You’re cute,” He hums, stroking Isak’s hair softly so he dozes off soothingly. Even kisses his forehead, thanking whatever is out there, God or the universe or whatever, that he has this beautiful prince in his arms forever and always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading :) please leave me a comment if you liked this. next chapter is the wedding, what do you want me to write? lol


End file.
